Breaking down

Now I won't pretend that I have ever been the bastion of health. I have long had lungs made of the same stuff at Greg Oden's knee.......wrist........er, whole body I guess. Fragile is the word. I spent the majority of my younger years ping-ponging from rail thin to super chunky depending on whether we had a dog or not and, even at my most hearty, I would never be confused with a runner. My body (lungs) just would not tolerate it. I was always more susceptible to bronchitis and colds and flus were recipes for disaster. However, none of that compares to the relative lack of health I have been experiencing of late.

I know the whys........I am surrounded on a daily basis by the sickest of the sick. I am exposed to dozens of people a day, not including all the associated staff and family members. My job is relatively high stress. I live in a verdant evergreen valley that sends forth a litany of allergenic agents that further tax my overwhelmed system. I cannot seem to find a path that leads to me being upright and mobile for more than a few weeks at a time (my wife may argue even less).

What to do remains the most burning unanswered, and perhaps unanswerable , question. I mean, the economy sucks, my family and friends also live in this toxic-to-me valley and my allergist and doctors all seem a bit lost. Well, I am taking what steps I can.

I am applying to just about any job tangentially related to nursing without the same level of patient contact. I am of course getting rejected more often than a 5 footer driving to the rim on an NBA center. It is dispiriting and disappointing, but not shocking. Take a bad economy, mix liberally with a bunch of RNs with more experience seeking re-entry into full time employ, and the results are pretty much preordained unless I can at least get an interview. That rarely occurs of course without an in. The process continues.

The valley seems unwilling to relent in its assault on my person, so I am doing what is within my meager limits to fight back. Meds, meds, meds. oh yeah.......and more meds. I am often left with the choice of spacey and dried out or red-eyed and runny.........like having to pick between warm PBR or High Life. Allergy shots seem to exasperate not alleviate. Docs just want to try more meds. So, I am seeing a naturopath (and friend) in hopes that she has more answers........or at least different ones. I hope. I hope. I hope.

The only other hope at the moment is a large fortune fortuitously landing upon us leading to my being able to quit working and Tia suddenly and inexplicably pining for life in the high desert. I am not sure which is the more, or less, likely of the two. In the meantime, I repeatedly feel like I am failing Tia.........unable to be the person that she wants because I am not healthy enough to be that person always. Just enough to make it appear to be so, but then violently yanked from beneath us both. So, I will just try to focus on what I can control until they make a bubble I can live and work in. Wish me luck as always. I could use it at the moment.

A long time coming

Since I cant seem to sleep (jimmy legs) and haven't sat down to post in what seems like forever, I thought I ought to remedy that situation.

The past few weeks have been long and trying unfortunately, but seem to be moving forward in promising new directions at the moment. Now if I can manage to stay healthy long enough to enjoy it for a bit.

We have been working diligently to stimulate the economy over the past few days (quite the patriots are we) with our largest purchase being a new bed (amongst the smaller, some patio furniture and a grill...........how long until summer?). Until now, I had never thought much about mattresses. With the exception of a diversion into the realm of aquatic slumber (a waterbed), I have spent the majority of my prostrate hours on an inner spring mattress of some ilk or another. All promise a bevy of tranquility inducing features and an array of quilting materials to whisk you off to the land of many Zs, but all bear a stronger resemblance to one another than any striking differences. And for me, they have largely been sufficient if not great. Tia, however, has back problems that have us considering other options........and lo the many that now exist.

I have, in the past 3 days, lain upon mattresses made of memory foam and latex and spring and combinations therein. I have learned about (both in text and video formats) the import of various memory foam densities, the properties of visco-foam, the differences between talalay and Dunlop latex processes, and the relative merits of natural vs. synthetic blends of either type of latex. I have lain upon Tempur-pedics and learned that they control the prices of their products, not the stores. I have also learned that many other companies, reputable and otherwise, claim the same benefits and even better production quality for less. In short, I am up to my eyeballs in it. However, despite my efforts, we ultimately weren't able to glean much direction.

For every glowing review about mattress A, there will be a scathing one. No one can agree. What is unbearably firm for one, offers little support to another. For every exclamation of 'the best mattress ever!' there is a counterpoint comparing said mattress to "sleeping on a pile of rags." How is this possible? So, in the end, you just have to guess. We guessed memory foam, but hedged our bets by purchasing through Costco. While you pretty much buy blind this way, at least we know Costco will take the mattress back if we don't like it. Otherwise we risk having a $1000 credit at Ikea or playing the barter and exchange game at one of the local mattress haunts (btw as an aside, is there anyone more oily than the mattress salesman of today? I swear it is a toss up between they and there bretheren the car dealer. The whole process is fraught with the distinct probability that you are getting hosed on the deal and that, whatever price you negotiate, the next person may be able to finagle something better.....or far worse). Anyway, updates from Tia's back to follow.

The Trailblazers blew the game tonight, which was a shame since we were there to personally witness it, but something happened that I feel illustrates a certain Portland vibe that I have never been able to understand. There was a young man 2 rows in front of me who decided, at some point in the 4th quarter early on that he would prefer to stand than sit. This position, of course, partially blocked my view, but completely blocked the view of the people directly in front of me. I watched for a minute, wondering if they were intending to say something as I could not reach him from my seat. They, of course, did not. Rather they just sat there and tried mightily to peer around him. I promptly grabbed one of the thunder sticks, poked him in the back with it, and asked him to sit. Not rudely, though Tia was a bit aghast. And that, by and large, to me defines something about this city. I have seen, numerous times, cars not get through a light because a car ahead of them fails to realize it turned green. Is this greeted with honking horns? Hell no. Not in Portland, where even the fast lane is peopled by cars going well under the speed limit without anyone seemingly willing to raise a high beam. I know I am generalizing, but it is something that I just don't understand and it always frustrates me. Just thought I would share.

Well, I guess I will see if my jimmy legs have finally calmed and lie down. Hope everyone is digging the sun.

Tomorrow to my friend and naturopath. looking forward to seeing a different view of my health issues.......hopefully a more effective one.