snowmageddon! (randomness)

- No matter where you live people seem to be overly enamored with weather hyperbole. Every far flung forecast is prognosticated with the highest of high tech gadgetry and yet has the same accuracy as divination by throwing chicken bones or having your palm read. I am already getting emails at work warning of the upcoming snowpocalypse with somewhere between 3-5" possible (though not probable) coming our way this Thursday/Friday.......or perhaps 3-5 feet..............or likely nothing at all. Anyway, please freak out accordingly!

- Spent the entirety of the weekend without allergy medication because I was seeing the allergist on Monday for some possible testing. Only to find out today that we weren't going to be doing any such testing. Both because I didn't react all that well to it and because we would wait until late summer to start that sort of thing anyway. While I appreciated his candor and it was a valid discussion (allergy shots evidently only work about 3/4 of the time anyway.....a nugget I never heard in all my time working with an allergist), it would have been a valid discussion to have before the appointment too. I am now 100% certain that i am not taking antihistamines just because I think it makes me look cool. Evidently they do something. Now excuse me while I scratch my eyes out.

- Speaking of eye gouging, we have free HBO for 3 months for signing up with Comcast anew. Every once in awhile I consider paying for a cable channel. They have some pretty amazing shows (well, they win awards and all) and it would be a good way to catch up on movies. Then, we stay at a hotel with (insert premium channel here) and I think 'why would I pay good money to watch new releases 6 months after they come out and then be forced to re-watch them ad-nauseum because they rotate them less frequently than car tires. We are currently in a loop of Couples Retreat (which is actually as bad as the previews would have you believe) amongst other dreck. Boo!

- As a side bar: Vince Vaughn has to be on the Mt. Rushmore of actors who repeatedly play themselves and manage to get paid handsomely for it. He is exactly the same guy no matter what movie he is in. Others on the mountain would have to be Matthew Mcconaughey and Adam Sandler and possibly Jennifer Aniston. Kudos! I am sure they are crying over their artistic integrity all the way to the bank.

- Alright, I take back the last Boo! a little bit. I did just watch 500 days of Summer which was well cast, likable, quirky and peppered with interesting little diversions. Had it ended about 5 minutes before the ending which looked like it was tacked on to appease focus groups, I might have even recommended it. But, unfortunately, they used the previous 80+ minutes of good will as little more than kindling before setting the whole thing ablaze. Boo! again.

I was up before the sun today for my non-allergy testing. Sleep time starts now.

Wax on. Wax off. Ouch!

As one of the 'joys' of getting older, I have hair growing in places I don't want it to be, namely my back. Not 'is he wearing a sweater vest' amounts of hair, but enough that I don't like it. So, Tia thought it would be nice, before vacation, to have it forcibly ripped from my body by a sadist.......or, euphemistically, a waxing.

I don't consider myself tough. I do not get into fights. I am not outdoorsy. I don't like guns or other 'tough guy' symbols. I don't, however, consider myself meek either. Just somewhere between the two polarities. That said, I just about started weeping during the defoliation. Many hours later, my back still feels similar to the day after a sunburn. And to think that the waxing place offers a male 'Brazilian'. To imagine the back waxing in an exponentially more sensitive area gives me full body wracking chills. On the plus side, I suppose I am now far less hirsute. On the other hand, I think many many drinks would be required before doing that again. Now I know why they had a bottle of whiskey out in the lobby while you wait. I should have indulged!

More pleasantly, we had massages on Friday night after work. It is Tia's favorite place, Dragontree. I like it too, but I have to say the massages themselves were kind of disappointing this time. Every therapist has his/her own distinct style and it has to jibe with your own to be truly good. I like when it is almost painfully deep tissue. When you feel relaxed and loose after the massage more so than during. I have no preference on man or woman, straight gay or other doing the massage, it is all about the massage itself. That said, typically men will do more deep tissue. This time not so much. It was relaxing, but more about levels of pressure and not so much working out trouble spots. Kind of a bummer, but I don't know what you say in that situation. If they ask about pressure, you can tell them more or less, but this was clearly about style and, well, eh. I like the place enough to go back, but I will ask for someone else. Ah well, far worse ways to spend your Friday night though.

4 more days of work. So close to tropical drinks, oceans you can swim in and no actual schedules to follow!

Once more with dates

As of yesterday, they have finally corrected my payroll information. I know have the correct hours per day, pay rate, and supervisor listed. I also spoke with my supervisor and she is going to work with me on Monday to get reimbursed for the hours of pay I had incorrectly deducted. Additionally, my 'employee advocate' in HR is looking into my situation and, well, I won't hold my breath. But, at least if I fail there, it isn't because I did nothing at all. So, to surmise:

July 3rd, 2010 - Left IV dept and started in traige. Prior to this date, had conversation with former/current supervisor, JT, and agreed to stay on call.

December 15, 2010 - Find out about clinic job, speak with JT and decide to apply.

December 16, 2010 - Interview for job. Offered position that same evening.

December 17, 2010 - Accept position and turn in my 2 week notice.

December 31, 2010 - Employee change request submitted to HR, last day triage.

January 3, 2011 - First day IV clinic.

January 14, 2011 - Find out job not technically mine. Will have to be open to anyone in the department who wants it. If so, I am told I have no recourse.

January 21, 2011 - No one applies. Informed job is mine.........um, after it goes up internally.

January 27, 2011 - Job goes up internally............er, make that supposed to go up. HR neglects to do so.

February 4, 2011 - Job goes up internally. I apply for position as required.

February 11, 2011 - Check my application status. Coded as 'ineligible to transfer'. Contact JT who contacts HR and, lo and behold, call from HR. Position finally mine, well as of.......

February 13, 2011 - Now its official. After 6 weeks of actually working there.

You know the rest if you have been following: no pay increase, no retroactive pay, etc.

Vacation in 1 week. Need it badly. Hello Mexico!

Survey says

If you follow this blog, you are pretty well up to date on the work saga, but as with any good plot, there is a twist at the end. Of course they re-posted the job internally even though they had no intention of filling it with anyone but me (or so I am told anyway.....hard to know what to believe anymore). So, yesterday I was checking my app status and it, shockingly (surprisingly I am still able to be shocked by the level of ineptitude there. I am sure that I will eventually become numb to it) it informed me that I was 'ineligible for transfer'. Of course I flipped out and contacted J who, in turn, contacted HR. Someone there bumped me out because I had only been doing triage for 6 months and you need a year to transfer and, long story short, they finally, as of yesterday afternoon, officially offered me the job. Yeah!

However, just as I thought, I am getting screwed over regarding the past 6 weeks where I have been working but not 'officially' employed. They have been deducting 60mins daily for lunch because I used to get an hour long lunch doing triage, although I am only getting 30mins now (if that). I was out 2 days for the move...............so technically I am due 14 hours that I worked but am not getting paid for. Those will supposedly be fixed (fingers crossed) per J. I am hopeful that she will get that fixed, though certainly not confident. It would mean about $450.

Additionally, I was supposed to get a pay bump of $2.84/hr by going back to inpatient. Multiply that by 240 total hours worked in the 6 weeks, and you have a pretty substantial $680. That evidently will not be paid to me because I wont 'officially' be hired until Sunday and they cannot back pay that (this is per HR, not J). So, I will be back to my inpatient pay rate on Monday, but I can't recoup the money I would have had even though I was doing the job already.

Further, I was supposed to get my annual review next month and whatever increase comes with that. However, again per HR, now that wont be until February of next year because they are saying that I accepted a 'promotion' by going back to inpatient and resuming my former pay rate. I knew I took a pay cut going to do triage, but I never considered it a demotion. It isn't like you have to have any less education or experience to do either job or that they would have hired me with an LPN or something. So, I am also losing out on an entire year's worth of whatever my raise would have been (I am sure not terribly much, but still). So, some major good news mixed with some total BS.

Suffice to say, I will be trying to further contact HR and see if I can get anywhere with my grievance, but I also don't hold much hope that it will be fixed since it will cost the hospital money and that isn't something they are keen on. Frustrating, but finally resolved. The good news is that I had just 1 patient on Friday and I sat and read the paper instead of leaving to get at least some money back :)

Ultimately, there aren't a lot of options out there and I am happy to have a job, but I still have a hard time understanding why some piece of paperwork that didn't get submitted somewhere along the line could cause so much havoc, despite the intentions of my supervisor being very clear. No one, of course, wants to take any responsibility (blame) for it.

Vacation in 2 weeks. Need it ASAP.

Still not hired

Well, I am not officially at least an applicant for my own job, which is a step up (I guess). In theory, tomorrow ought to be the last day it is posted (or possibly Friday) and then I am assuming I might get hired. What a boon it will be! Finally hired to do the job I have been doing and erroneously thought was mine to begin with. Of course until it is official, I won't count on it.

In other news, I haven't moved to a new place since the last post! To some this might be a fairly trite to some, but staying in one place for better than 10 days is cause for celebration, albeit minor. We are fully unpacked and starting to learn the roses and thorns of the place.

Roses:
- Bedroom on a different level than the living room/kitchen. It just feels more spacious.
- The kitchen really is a nice size and it is good having a table again.
- I like not having to wait for the elevator to go up one story.
- No more (at least obvious) mold.

Thorns:
- The wall separating the units is not sound proof enough. Everything seems to filter through.
- Same neighbors big loud barking dog (thankfully not at weird hours or in prolonged bursts)
- We mis-guessed the size of our king bed and the size of the bedroom. A lot of shimmying/crab-walking to get out of the bed

Other than that, it is just like most other places I have lived...........just okay. Will probably be re-evaluating it once the lease nears expiration (god help me).

Speaking of living places, I found out an odd fact about this place...........it was sold in separate units, and for a lot more than I thought. Each unit, per Zillow, is roughly equivalent in size at about 1000 sq feet. Each unit also sold for better than $200K. All together, it is about a $700K property. I am honestly incredulous. If this was the Price is Right, I would have seriously underbid and lost the showcase showdown. I will NEVER understand property values here. If pressed I would have guessed maybe $450K for the whole thing. Exactly why it is incredibly unlikely I would ever buy anything here (again).

Clinic is getting more rote, but continues to mystify in some ways. I still have to turn away patients because I am unable to get the appropriate staffing and, concurrently, I wonder if I should be concerned about it or just accept it and move on. I know I cannot accommodate everyone, for instance I lost one patient because the GS clinic opens at 8 and she needed earlier (we open at 9), but it seems weird that I have to say no to patients because I can't get a second nurse for an hour (you need to have 2 nurses for infusions and the wound nurses I work with leave at 4:30).

It is more or less about clarification of parameters. If I know that they are unlikely to get me help ever and that I just need to use my judgment to determine it, than I will. But I hate playing 'let me call such and so and see if there is any way that I might get help and then call you back' only to have to call back and ostensibly say no or put such weird parameters on my request that I am all but saying no. It is especially frustrating because I know that the clinic is a direct conduit to money for our department. IV starts are not (the money goes to the floor and is part of what you pay for in a lump sum under your hospital stay). So, logically, you would think you would divert help to where the revenue is. Again, for my part, I just want to know that it is okay to tell people to go elsewhere and not think/believe that this is going to bite me in the ass down the road.

Back to dreaming about vacation. Just about 2 weeks to go.

on the move

I have been trying to find the time and the energy to post about the move, but have been either too occupied or too exhausted to manage it. As I type this, it is debatable how far I will get before giving up and picking it up another day.

Well, the move was like many (or any) other moves we have made. On the plus side, the movers were as good as advertised (Willamette Valley Moving). They were quick, professional, and efficient. They had us out of the apartment and into the, er, townhome, in under 5 hours. Not too shabby considering the incredible about of narrow stairs. The clean up process on the other side also went very well and we will be getting our full deposit back (which is good because there was a LOT of mold under the couch and in the windowsills.........we probably should have had them pay to move us). Plus, Tia's mom Diane was there to help unpack, etc which was a huge help on an already stressful day.

The minus side...........well, lets just say the previous residents did not do us any favors. I spent all of Tuesday cleaning (mostly just the kitchen) which involved removing a thick layer of filth from inside and on top of the stove and sticky grease just about everywhere else. It rather disgusts me that they opted to live like that in the first place. The previous owners were supposed to be out on Sunday night and the place was supposed to be empty by Sunday afternoon.............but that did not really happen. Ended up bumping the cleaners to Monday morning and our movers were there by Monday at noon. Hence, not a lot of cleaning was done.

Also, we failed in our attempt to get away from cable and into satellite TV. Direct TV showed up to install and then, once they determined we were renting wanted to get signed permission from our property owner (something that they should have asked for when we signed up if that was necessary) and would not accept a verbal. This despite there already being a dish up for a neighbor. Anyway, the tech evidently called in to his supervisor and then they called me to find out if they 'wanted us to reschedule' at which point I said 'you can effing pack up and go. we will be taking our business elsewhere' and hung up. So, back to cable and certainly cross Direct TV off my list of options in the future.

Other than that, we are inching closer to what we want the place to be. Of course it is a little smaller than we thought initially and things are a little tighter, but it will eventually be organized and more livable than at present.

One interesting work aside: Lisa came to help me in the clinic today (We used to work together at the Park and she is now working on call only. She is an outstanding clinician though, knows the minutia of the minutia. I am eminently more qualified to work the clinic than a lot of my peers, but among the few in my department who have done so longer and would do so better would assuredly include Lisa. Honestly, if she had applied for my position, I think she would have gotten it hands down but, thankfully, she has no interest in doing so). Anyway, it is amazing how much more productive 2 nurses can be. I can still hope that might end up being the case eventually, though I won't hold my breath (which incidentally I often have to do working in a small office with wound care..........it honestly smells like burning tires and excrement when they work with some of their patients). Lisa was telling me that KB (a former supervisor who is probably the most knowledgeable about the clinic of anyone in our department) told her yesterday that she 'didn't feel comfortable' working in the clinic by herself. What the eff?!?! How in the world should anyone else 'feel comfortable' doing so if not her? I am so much happier than I was doing triage, but it is becoming more and more evident that it isn't exactly a coveted spot.

Ah well. Time for bed.

The Situation (no relation to Jersey Shore)

We have finally arrived at moving weekend. Well, yet another moving weekend. After weeks of living amongst half stuffed boxes and miscellaneous debris, we are finally to a point where EVERYTHING needs to be packed. Though daunting, sometimes it is easier than the stage we have been at, namely trying to pick and choose what is essential and what is not. It is frustrating and unfortunate that we aren't able to move in today or tomorrow and have time on the back side of the weekend to unpack everything on the other side, but such is life. Again, all I hope is that we won't be doing this again in 6 months (though that is often subject to change). Cross em with me that these movers are better than the last. Truly it would be hard to be much worse.

My work situation remains maddeningly unresolved. I spoke with JT again on Friday lamenting that my time sheet is still incorrect. Per my time card, I still work as a triage RN, am still getting paid outpatient pay, and am still having an extra 30 minutes deducted every day for lunch. So, at the end of a full month, the tally continues to rise. I try not to fixate on it, because I am told it will be rectified........but then that is by the same person who has been telling me a great many other things, such as the following.

I was told yesterday that nothing has been formalized as yet. The job did pass its time through the department with no one biting, but now it has to be posted internally for anyone in the system to apply to. It was supposed to have been done this week, but someone somewhere neglected to do so (fingers again pointing to HR, but it is hard to know who is at fault), so now it has to wait until next week on Thursday to post (evidently the only day they post new jobs). At that point, I will have to re-apply, which I am being told is a formality. The job will have to stay open the requisite 5 business days. Then, and only then, will the paperwork be put through. So, it will likely be mid to late February before the corrections are made. The upshot is, by that point, I will be owed between $1100-$1500. The downside of course is that I somehow have to trust that that will in fact be fixed correctly............of which I am not holding my breath. To be continued.

On the very good news front: we don't owe anything in taxes this year! We are not getting back very much, but after paying better than $2K last year, it is a huge relief.

Back to packing. Less than 2 days to go.

Big good, little bad

The news is officially good regarding work.......no one applied! Now they have to post it internally, but that is a formality (or at least I am told, we all know that isn't exactly iron clad) and then they will retroactively fix my pay, etc. So, big time good news on the job front! Got the call on my way to HH with some good friends, which made it a wonderful night to celebrate as well.

On the other side of the coin, Tia is sick and I am teetering on the brink of the same. At least that is temporary, whereas the job situation would have been a mess. It is unfortunate because it was actually sunny today. Hopefully better spirits and similar weather tomorrow.

irrelephant

Yep, the title of the post was just so I could put that image up.

Mini-misadventure of the day:

As part of my new (possibly temporary) role, I am supposed to be managing all the supplies in the clinic, from IV start kits to patient foodstuffs. Today we ran out of cups. The adventure is trying to figure out where one would order them. Looked at the food services order sheet, which listed bowls, flatware, napkins, plates, and assorted food and beverage items, though mysteriously no cups. So, I tried to order cups, thinking it an oversight. Alas, those are evidently under the purview of materials services, which supplies us with things like saline bags, needles, and IV tubing. I cannot figure the system out. It is akin to shopping for motor oil in the bread aisle. Whatever.

No news on the job front. Spent a good hour on the phone calling payroll because my paycheck is a mess (they shorted me about $375 between the hours I was not getting paid for and the difference in pay rates that have not been corrected). They referred me to the payroll guru, who of course was not there. She called me back about an hour later and suggested I call HR or contact my manager. I contacted my manager stating that the paperwork did not make it down and asked her to resend it. She did not get back to me, so I called HR to try to get some answers about, well, everything. After some running around there, they told me that another form needed to be filled out, but they could not tell me anything about my job. They suggested I contact my manager. I tried again, no answer. So, in essence, I have a lot of fingers pointing to my manager and my manager pointing fingers back at other people. It is frustrating to say the least and, of course, I am no closer to an answer about anything.

One more day and then..............well, who the hell knows. I just want to kick something!

Terrible Tuesday

Well, terrible is probably skewing a bit on the side of hyperbolic, but I have been under a lot of 'will I have a job or won't I' stress for the past 5 days so any event takes on a certain downbeat cast. So, today just seemed kind of long and dragged out...........so did yesterday really. Lots of patients, little help, and a general feeling of mental fatigue as, being new with little in the way of orientation, everything is more arduous than it should be. Just figuring out how to order file folders entailed 4 separate conversations. And most everything is like that..........me running around trying to find answers to seemingly simple questions and really not having anyone readily available to answer them. Only, I lack the time now to look very hard because I am busy with patients.

Today I encountered a prime example of the double edged sword of autonomy (not to be confused with the sword of Damocles hanging over my head at the moment). I had an elderly patient who could not have weighed more than 80 pounds soaking wet, who was so cold she was wearing 3 lays of clothes under a parka with skiing gloves on (it was 45 today which is cold, but not THAT cold). Suffice to say, she had nary a vein that I could find to draw a lab on. I tried once, called and left a message for assistance and waited. After stalling for 10-15 minutes doing things with some other patients in the clinic, I tried again. 0 for 2. I called again. Another message. I finally decided to just get the blood via a finger stick (which also yielded so little blood I had to milk her finger to get enough to fill the cuvette..........approximately one good drop) and run the test that way, despite the order. I then gave her the medication (which was predicated on the finger stick/lab draw and I heard back from the charge 15 minutes AFTER she left the clinic.........or about 45 minutes from my first call). I was frustrated needless to say (although Tia astutely pointed out that at least I had enough experience and the wherewithal to just make a determination to go another way and get the same result, rather than just sitting on my hands for an hour while the patient waited for something to happen), but that is part of the job. I don't really need a second person all the time, though that would be great, but I do need a second person available most of the time, just in case. Mostly it has worked out well, today it just did not.

Still, way better than doing triage. 2 more days to go until the 5 days my job is posted runs out. So far, no bites (or none that I have heard of). I really need a drink!

Thunderstruck

To borrow a quote from Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation "If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now."

Things seemed to be going pretty well. We found a new place that is nice and cheaper than the place we live in now. We were released, without penalty, from our current lease. We have jobs we like concurrently (a novelty) that come with the added bonus of good incomes. We are, in short, moving in a rather positive direction. Or were anyway.

Yesterday afternoon my supervisor, JT, came to speak to me. She was quite somber and the news was not good. I ran quickly through the preceding 2 weeks in my mind and could not alight upon any indiscretion that would warrant anything disciplinary, unless it was something I had simply neglected to do because of lack of training. Evidently, the news had nothing and everything to do with me, though none of it was within my control.

When I left the IV department, JT and I came to an agreement that I would be an on-call employee and stay active in the department. I was limited to 4 hours a week however, as anything additional would mean OT. So, I only managed to pick up a total of 4 hours on one occasion, though was offered other opportunities that did not work for one reason or another. We stayed in contact and, when the opportunity arose, I applied and was hired back full time just a month ago. It was fairly seamless and, in the interim, I had realized how little I enjoyed doing triage work.

The new job, while sometimes frustrating because of a lack of formalized training and my own desire to have a comprehensive understanding of my responsibilities, has been largely excellent. I really like doing clinic work. I like having autonomy. I like being able to get help when I need it and work alone if I don't. I like the hours and I like the patients. It is exactly the kind of job I imagined when I went through nursing school in the first place. And, it could theoretically evaporate now because of something ridiculously mundane.........paperwork.

Evidently JT communicated with HR when I left that I was to be on call. When I applied back for the position, it was only to be opened to people already within the department, which by virtue of being on-call I was. However, either JT didn't fill out some necessary piece of paperwork of HR did not file something correctly, because as of yesterday they determined that I was not 'within the department' and therefore ineligible for the job. What this means is now the job is to be re-opened in the department and offered back out. I would have no way to apply. If, after the requisite 5 days of posting, no one wants it, then it would open up to anyone, and I could then re-apply and would be given the job (per JT anyway).

However, if someone else wants the job, then I would have 3 options:
1. Go back to triage. They would be obligated to take me back because of the snafu. I could resume my full time gig. I would consider doing a day or 2 a week.........but will not go back full time. I hated how it made me feel at the end of every day and every week. Not worth it.
2. Work on-call in the IV dept. JT promised me pretty much full time hours. I would not have an benefits however and I would also not be working in the clinic much if at all. I would be back to pushing a cart around the hospital. I am not enamored of this idea either, but it is better than option 1.
3. Unemployment/potential litigation. Need to gather more info at this point, but these may be in play. Time will tell.

So, best case scenario right now is that no one, even people with no job currently, want the clinic position. Somehow I am not optimistic. Will be pursuing a meeting with HR next week for further explanation. As always, more to come.

week one and done........er, is done

The week that was, well, was eventful to say the least. At least in my own myopic opinion.

The new job is kind of like a new car........but one they haven't worked all the production kinks out of just yet. It rattles some and the turn signals don't work and every time you turn on the wiper blades the horn blares, but otherwise it drives perfectly fine. Ideally, I would have learned from the woman who left the position, but she already started her new job. In her stead I was supposed to receive tutelage from another tenured employee, but that person's personal life kind of went off the rails, so I was left with a rather hodgepodge and altogether patchy training. Oftentimes I was left with no one at all. Thankfully, by and large, the job is one I had done before. Of course, it has been some time since that was the case. Suffice to say, there were very likely errors with paperwork and a lot of holes that need plugging.

I am hopeful it will be more clear next week and that I will have some training then. If not, I will be much more forceful with ensuring that that in fact happens. I really just want to do an effective job and 'own' the position and it is hard to do that when you don't know where to even start looking for answers. Still, it beats the heck out of wearing a headset and listening to patients talk about their bowel dysfunction and head colds all day. It almost feels like I am stealing money when I have actual honest to god down time during the day.

In more assuredly good news, the housing situation is now largely resolved. We picked the first place and we are good to go for the end of the month. The location is 'up and coming' meaning we get to be actively engaged in gentrification (maybe we will get the above doormat to celebrate). It is ironic that, when we looked up crime statistics on Portland Maps, we found out that where we live now is no better or worse. In all honesty, it is a really nice area with a lot of new restaurants, a Whole Foods just around the bend, and an easy ride pretty much anywhere else we want to be. Plus, the rent will be slightly less than half what we pay here so I can finally buy the two ply toilet paper I have had my eye on. Most amusing to me is that we will be moving from a building erected less than a year ago to one more than a century old and will likely have LESS issues with moisture and mold. Way to go new construction!

Speaking of the above, we did in fact get out of paying a penalty for leaving early, which would have been north of $3K, because of the moisture issues. So, despite our troubles, we actually didn't pay that much for the 6 months we will have resided here. Because of the sign on bonuses and what have you, we only will have paid for 3 of the 6 months (although a pretty penny for the 3 we paid for). I have to say that I could not in good conscience recommend moving to this apartment building, but the management and staff have been nothing less than superb. It is a shame that the product they represent isn't a better one.

Now on to the grim task of packing, ridding, and packing some more. It is a seemingly endless task and I am constantly mystified at how we are able to continue to rid out of boxes we had previously assured ourselves were down to their most vital components the last time we moved. Of course, not having needed to get into them over the last half year is clue enough that they are not all that vital.

Wish us luck. Hopefully we will be done moving for a bit.............but I wouldn't count on it.

Which one?

Tia and I watch a lot of house hunter type shows (they are fairly ubiquitous and, honestly, not a lot of other compelling options present themselves). Anyway, though the locations and budgets vary widely, the end of every episode is exactly the same: 3 options, one of which they have to decide on. The hook is trying to guess which one. In that vein we have chosen three possible rentals, each with pros and cons. Which will we select?

1. A large historic house (built in 1908) that has been divided into 3 properties. 2 townhouse style places and a 'condo' on the lower level. Is only a 1 bedroom vs. 2 at the other locations (although it had 1.5 bathrooms). It 'quirky' but in a usable way with a capacious kitchen and the sole bedroom is an 'L' shape allowing for a sitting area. Also has a huge private deck and a shared backyard (that is cared for by a landscaper) Cons: the place is updated, but definitely not new like the other places, smallest of the 3 @ 950 sq feet, a bit 'quirky' in less usable ways too like the odd angles in the bathroom, no garage. It is the cheapest at $1150/mo and includes internet and w/s/g.

2. A new build townhouse close to my job. All brand spanking new with no prior tenants. The largest of the 3 places at 1300 sq feet with 2 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms. Has a garage to boot. Great storage everywhere. No yard to care for. Good location close to work. Cons: run by a management company which isn't ideal, is nondescript looking, nothing whatsoever to see from the windows except a parking lot. Cost is $1450/month.


3. A 2 bedroom/1 bath bungalow in the Hollywood district. It is about 1200 sq feet with a spacious unfinished basement. All new appliances and it has been completely redone inside. Still being worked on actually. And, it is a stand alone house (no shared walls). Owner is the landlord, which seems preferable to a management company in our experience. Cons: further away from our workplaces (and we only have one car), yard work will be our responsibility, and the price, while cheaper than where we live presently, is the highest @ $1600/mo.

Which should we go for? Which will we go for?

New Year (happiness pending)

We all know that the new year means very little in actuality other than a month of writing the wrong year on pretty much everything and that taxes need to be done. It is only a theoretical demarcation, but notable nonetheless as we celebrate it as it were some turning of the page. Whatever bad juju hounded us the year prior can be cast aside. In some ways, this year will be just that. Or like the rest of the world, I can at least hope that anyway.

I am officially no longer a triage nurse. I can put the experience distinctly in the rear view mirror. It was an odd day to say goodbye to be sure, or perhaps more or less what I considered normal for my time there. Just two nurses on triage as it has so often been, then a mad dash to the finish line over the last 90 minutes or so when everyone collectively realized 'hey, I bet they aren't open on Friday' and proceeded to bombard us with requests. It reminded me of what I liked and did not like about the job in one short burst. However, there is a distinctly different flavor to the experience, any experience, when you know you won't be repeating it. A certain Teflon like feeling that allows even the most irritating of situations glide up and over you. The way I wish I could have felt all the time. Of course, that is hard to do when you know that Monday brings much the same as Friday and on and on. So, it was a fitting finale. Unfortunately, there is no real intermission before the next act.

Speaking of the next act, there is still much uncertainty there. The situation is clear enough, but what remains murky is who is training me and for how long (and, the question I have been endeavoring to avoid thinking of, IF someone has been assigned those tasks whatsoever since I have not heard back regarding my inquiries on the matter). Not much to do but wait and see. Fretting about it will change nothing.

Of course fretting does have its place. I am just saving it for moving (again) by the end of January. We put in our notice and are waiting to hear a response from management, but have already opted to take a hard stance about paying a penalty. We now have verified pictures of mold growth and, as anyone who has dealt with mold knows, what you see is merely a fraction of what exists. Unfortunately when we turned our notice in (going down in unison to discuss the matter), no one was there. So we slip the note under the door along with our rent check and now we wait. I am both anxious to hear and fretting a bit. I will post when I hear.

Which leads us directly into the other half of the moving process, finding the destination. We have thus far had rather poor fortunes, though it has not been a sufficient period of time to call it a streak. We have seen three places in person and written inquiries about 2-3x that many more, until to dismiss them for not meshing with our wants. Some are startlingly small, though they don't note that in there ad (a new one bedroom home with no prior occupants that was built to less than 500 sq ft). Others are poorly maintained, though in the nicest of areas (a place we saw in Ladds Addition that was sadly beaten down). And yet others are confusingly laid out like the place we saw by PSU that had no closets whatsoever and was set up like a reverse loft. Or they are just plain confusing like the place we saw in the Overlook neighborhood which had more doors and rooms than a house 3 times its modest 900 size (meaning each room was also much less capacious than one might hope). The one place we did really like ended up going to people who could move in a bit earlier and did not have pets. The most alarming thing is more that each of these places are swarmed upon. So, we not only have to find a place we like, but find it before anyone else. More to come as the search continues.

Happy New Year!

group therapy

I finally had the pleasure of spending an evening with my fellow triage nurses on Monday at Melt (which has an all night happy hour most of the week) as a kind of goodbye/group bitch session. The evening was both enlightening and comforting, but in no manner does it bode well for the longevity of the staff.

One of my biggest problems with my job (of which there are many) is that there is little actual interaction with my peers. I spend, on the whole of the course of the day, less than 5 minutes of face time with either of them en total. It creates a rather odd work environment, where your colleagues are largely strangers to you. I am not stating that 'work' isn't the dominant priority of time spent in employ, but there has to be some socialization as well. I know a lot of rather arcane information about my pod mates, but did not know until I planned this evening that my co-worker/functional supervisor was a vegetarian. I, in point of fact, could not tell you she has any siblings, her likes in any form of entertainment, where she heralds from, nor her age.

So, it came as somewhat of a major surprise that she is also unhappy with working triage. This is something I only found out after putting in my notice and, instead of a 'sorry to see you go' she responded instead with something to the effect of 'Good for you! I am happy you made it out!' The newest triage nurse (we can call her S and the other one C) said much the same. In our HH meeting I found out that C isnt even sure she wants to be in health care much longer, let alone in triage. She does not sleep well at night. She hates the phone work and finds it as relentless as I do. She wants nothing more than to work part time. S is new to triage and came from a rather haphazard clinic, but she too is already wearing down and also wants to just do the job part time. All mirrored the same complaints I have detailed over the past few months. As enlightening, is that they too were promised something more with the position and were likewise duped by the beguiling story of multiple job duties and working closely with the doctors. Now both are struck with the same disappointment when the job failed to provide any differentiation is task. The term 'groundhog's day' was used by all involved to describe the unerring uniformity of each and every day.

So, while not a heartening overall picture of the profession of triage nurse, it is also nice to know that it isn't 'me' per se, but rather the job itself. Maybe they say misery loves company for that reason alone. It is nice to not think of yourself as a failure. Its the job that is a failure. And that, at least, is something to hang your hat upon.

I wish them the best and everyone in the clinic. I don't think many will last very long.

Tomorrow is my last day!

1 week and Christmas

The long weekend has come and gone and, as usual, I find myself wondering where on earth it went. I remember leaving work an hour early on Thursday at the behest of my supervisor, a few family gatherings, a movie, and now it is Sunday and quite dark. I think a major holiday came and went as well. Why can't Monday-Friday feel that way?

Speaking of Monday-Friday, this will be the last such that I spend doing triage (maybe not ever, but hopefully for the foreseeable future). Tia asked me today if I was excited about the new job. I was not really sure how to answer that. I am happy to be leaving a job that I do not like and that does not agree with me, but I cannot say I am excited for what is to come. I am more cautiously hopeful. I am no grizzled health care veteran, but I do know that what is promised is often not delivered. Even if it is delivered as promised, it has a tendency to change rapidly into something else entirely.

My old supervisor (lets call her J) worked in the IV dept for many years. Specifically in pediatrics. Anyway, the supervisor down at MP ran afoul of some of the higher ups and they needed a new supervisor. With some measure of reservation, she decided to do it. She then found she quite enjoyed it. Within a year she was replaced as the supervisor down there, and her hours and pay cut. Within another year she was squeezed out of a job. Now I am not going to suggest that J was the world's greatest supervisor or employee, but she was not nearly the worst in either regard. So, effectively J left something she professed to really enjoy to do something to help the department, ended up really liking it, and then ended up out of work entirely.

So, to get back to the point, am I excited to be the guinea pig for a newly created position after some significant retooling in the department? Well, not entirely. Will I be more excited to go to work next Monday than this coming one? Absolutely. And that, at least, is a step in the right direction (though truth be told I would much rather be a 'kept' man and just stay home and go back to school.........working on it :)

As to the above, it may be creeping closer to reality (not the staying home entirely aspect, but perhaps something less than full time plus school) as Tia continues to garner accolades and, it appears, significant interest from others to advance her position. The nature of how exactly she might get the promotion or even what that would exactly entail in regards to remuneration is murky, but it appears she is doing quite fabulously and they will be rewarding her. I am of course, thrilled for her. I am not ashamed to admit that she is a much much better employee than I am, with more dedication, drive, and general ability than I seem to be able to muster. It of course creates no minor conundrum: her career trajectory vs. my general disinclination to stay in rainy Portland. But that is nothing to directly be considered at the moment.

At the moment, we must consider another move it appears. A local one however. We have mutually determined that the ENSO is not what we had hoped it would be. The staff are gracious and accommodating and the location is superb, but the apartment building itself leaves much to be desired. As I have detailed before, it is largely about expectation vs. reality. We expect that the trash chute will not be clogged (now multiple occasions), that the facilities will be clean and in working order, and that we won't have water in our apartment windows nor share music or conversation through our walls with our neighbors. These are expectations that we would not necessarily have were we not paying a premium price. What makes it even less tolerable is that there are SO many other places about. So, the search will begin in short order. More to come as always.

Good news/Bad news for Portland (mostly bad)

Interesting write up in the Tribune about the rather precarious economic situation facing the Portland metro area. The highlights (lowlights?) of which were the following:
- regional wages are 4 percent below the national average
- the cost of living in the Portland region is higher than 84 percent of all other metropolitan areas
- Portland housing costs are 31.6 percent higher than the metropolitan average
- health care costs were 10.9 percent above average
- groceries were 4.9 percent higher than average

On the upside:
- the cost of utilities was the only major expense category where Portland was lower than the average U.S. city.
- Portland is still the least expensive major city on the West Coast (12.6% less than Seattle, though their wages are 17% higher)

Throw those numbers in a bowl and mix liberally with some of the highest unemployment in the country and you have a mess. But not to worry, the article does state that our leadership has a plan: community leaders agreed that creating more good-paying jobs is the key to making Portland more affordable to more people. Or perhaps it is just a general statement of the obvious like saying to a bunch of starving people "what we need here is some food, preferably good food." With no real way to make that happen, it is more like a wish or a dream than a plan per se.

It certainly will be interesting to see how it goes. Hopefully well, but Portland will be competing for those good-paying jobs with a lot of other cities. Well, at least we can drink to drown our sorrows........uh, "A heavy drinker might want to move from Oregon, where hard liquor is taxed at the rate of nearly $21 a gallon, to Maryland or Washington, D.C., which have the country's lowest liquor taxes, $1.50 a gallon." Damn! Foiled again!

stuck in my craw

I was getting the mail the other day and I got something from the University of Rochester where I most recently matriculated (I am guessing I move around too often for the people from Florida Atlantic to locate me). It touted some new incoming dean tangentially related to the nursing program, included pictures of students doing something nurse-like, and had some feature about some new and interesting (and likely expensive) piece of equipment that will help students further nursing in some nebulous manner. It also had an envelope and a plea for me to send them money. One would perhaps rightly assume that that was the point of the venture all along, with the articles serving as window dressing.

I do not now, nor shall I ever, understand this practice. A school, in my eye, is nothing if not a business. They are not performing acts of random kindness by educating the huddled masses as great personal expense. They are charging a fee for a service. In point of fact, they are charging many fees for many services. You are likely going to need to pay for books, lab fees, a parking permit, fees for transcripts, food cards, and on and on. Yet, they have the temerity to ask for more based on some warm fuzzy experience I had there.

I like eating out. Its one of my favorite things to do. Tia and I particularly like a restaurant called Belly, who serves incredible hamburgers, the likes of which I have rarely seen duplicated. When we go there, we have a good time, we order, eat, and then pay. They contact us if they are running specials or have a new menu item to tout. They do not, however, send us pictures of us eating in the restaurant, reminding us of our shared times there and then ask for additional monies because, 'my wasn't that quite fabulous!' In fact, I know of no business that operates like that and if they did, it is certainly a place you would not frequent again.

What makes me angrier about it is two, I think, very salient points:

1. I am still paying for school. In fact, I shall for some time and at personal sacrifice be paying for a number of years. As many as 20 are allotted me such is the magnitude of the sum I already paid for the privilege of learning there.

2. The endowment for the school is in excess of $1.3 billion dollars of approximately $380,000 per student. There are other schools that have more, but not many. By any accounts it is in the top 30 or so in the country in that regard. They could offer education for free......though of course they do not.

Ultimately, I just don't get it. Maybe I am missing some larger point, but mostly I just wonder incredulously how in the hell it works. Cause that is one sweet business model!

I haven't had a good bitch session in awhile. Thanks for indulging.

Second hand jobs

So, as promised, I will spend this post looking forward and not back. Although I did neglect to mention one especially important nugget of gossip/insider information about my current digs. Upon telling my functional supervisor/fellow triage nurse about my plans of imminent departure, she both congratulated me, wished me well, and said in no uncertain terms that she would be following shortly thereafter! Which will mean that the only RN remaining, until they replace me that is, will have exactly 2 months experience. I can only imagine what a flippin nightmare it would have been to hear my supervisor's news and then have to continue working there.

The new job is, well, somewhat like my old job..........only different. They have undergone a radical transformation in the IV dept over the past couple months. They had an outside group come in (much like the Bobs above from Office Space) and evaluate and make recommendations. A lot of meetings, consultations, and general realignment was discussed which ultimately led to EVERYONE in the department having to reapply for their positions and then go through a 4 question, 15 minute, interview in front of a panel that included two managers from the department and two people who were outside of it and could, presumably, be unbiased. They all scored the answers on the 4 questions and then totaled those scores and used that along with some multiplication of absentee rate and ranked everyone top to bottom. But, that is when it gets a little, well, iffy.

So, lets say that Position A has two openings and Position B has two openings and 4 people are applying, lets call them 1,2,3,4. People 1,2,3 all apply unknown to one another for Position A and Person 4 applies for position B. They do the interview and factor absentee rate and rank them exactly as they are numbered. So, in this scenario Position A is filled by people 1 and 2. Position B is filled with Person 4 and, presumably, person 3 would be offered the 2nd opening in Position B, right? Wrong. The way it actually worked was that Person 3 would get no job at all. The remaining position would be opened up to anyone who applied and didn't get their preferred position.

The process allowed for a couple things to happen, likely both intended. One, use collected data to make staffing changes based on actual usage and not on the desires of other departments to have people constantly at the ready just in case. And two, weed out some staff whom either were generally not reliable/effective or they just didn't want around anymore without needing to go through the often lengthy and complicated process of firing someone.

As for me, I did not apply to the initial wave of offerings as I did not wish to, in any way, take someone's job. I had/have a job and they would ostensibly no longer. I may lack huge reserves of empathy, but I have enough not to be a total asshole. Plus, these were people I at least peripherally knew, if not knew well. However, once the first wave of interviews were done and positions were granted, there were actually some jobs still available. At the time, I did not understand the process. I honestly did not even know that they were effectively downsizing, thinking they were more or less reassigning roles. I clearly did not read the fine print (or between the lines), and I applied.

The jobs were posted late Wednesday, I spoke to my old manager that evening and applied the following morning. I was interviewed by her and another gentleman, who was not part of our department but did the other interviews, that afternoon. I was offered the job that evening. Accepted Friday morning and turned in my notice late that same afternoon. I found out that same day that one of my closest friends in the department did not fare so well, despite 7+ years in the department. She was rejected from a total of 4 positions she applied for (2 in the first wave and 2 in the second), though none were thankfully the one I accepted. I do not know the fate as yet of many of my former MP co-workers. I certainly hope they found something.

The specifics on the new job are not much different than what I did before, and wildly different. I will be the EM clinic. Just me. I will have help if I need it and someone will cover my breaks, but otherwise it will be just me and the patients. It is M-F and the hours are very similar to the ones I work currently, though I will now be a 40hr/wk employee. I will also get inpatient pay again, which is about a 10% pay bump. Strictly financially, it should be about about $9K annually (before taxes of course). But, honestly, I would have taken the job for the same pay I have now or even somewhat less.

The hope is that this works out. I will have the opportunity to do the kind of patient focused clinic care I love, though I will be going it solo which is a little bit nerve-wracking on a few levels. I will be able to keep up IV skills and do some PICC work as well on the floor should things quiet down in the clinic for stretches. I will be, in many respects, my own boss provided I don't rock the ship too abruptly. But, perhaps as importantly, I will not be sitting on the phone 95% of my work day. That alone is cause of some minor celebration!

Time for some gym work. Got another, albeit shortened, week staring me dead in the face. However much I am not looking forward to it, there is a lot less dread when you know the end is nigh. No matter how tough a day is, you can check it off the the calendar as one less you have to go through instead of just one less day until the weekend. Let the countdown begin!

My how things change (I quit!)

Inertia is a difficult thing to overcome. It can feel like pushing a loaded down wheelbarrow up a steep incline. The thing is, once you hit the peak, things move rapidly. In this vein, I applied for, was interviewed for, was offered and accepted, a new job in the span of 48 hours. After dozens of resumes and applications were sent out to disparate places with frequently no response, it happened just that fast. Why? Well........

If you have been reading this blog at all you know I hate my job. I have had many jobs in my life and I can certainly not attest to loving any of them. They are now, and will likely always be, necessary evils. Things I do because I need to eat, pay rent, and so on. I know this about myself. I work to live, not remotely the other way around. I would also be more than willing to lower my standard of living if it meant a corresponding reduction in my need to work. But I digress.

That said, I don't frequently hate what I do. Would I rather be reading a book on a beach with a tropical drink firmly ensconced in my right paw? You betcha. Would I also rather be cleaning the house, grocery shopping, or wiping down the interior of the car? Also strongly on the side of affirmative. However, are the health care jobs I have held, present company included, better than, say, working at a care facility bathing the dementia patients who no longer have control over their bowels or emotional states? Abso-freakin-lutely! There are many darker holes to climb out of to be sure. I sat in a climate controlled office bathed in fluorescent lighting with a headset atop my cranium with eyes forward perpetually affixed to the CRT in front of me. Many a worse fate has befallen many a better person than I.

I tried to figure out why I hated what I did. Why it made me feel the way it did. I tried to figure it out with a counselor, with Tia, with friends and family and on the pages of this blog. I can say without reservation that it had nothing to do with the people I worked with. The only one I did not care for left (and made many people in the clinic quite happy) and of those that remained I can say, at worst, I was ambivalent about them and, at best, I considered them friends that I would be more than happy to see outside of the confines of our clinic. They were a stellar group of generally upbeat individuals doing work that, from the doctors on down, paid them less than they were worthy of. I will truly miss most of them and hope to stay in touch.

I can also not largely say it was the patients who call. For the most part they are gracious and eager to hear anything that might make them feel better. They are calling at a low point physically and, like all of us when we are feeling that way, just looking to feel better. Sure, there are confrontations, the avidly over-calling anxiety junkies, and the straight up pill poppers looking to dull the pain of living away.

What I like to think is that it is the relentlessness of it all. The fact that around every corner and over ever hill is another expanse the likes of which you just traversed, like an MC Escher painting. Or perhaps it more like the sublimely funny Bill Murray movie Groundhog's Day, where the same day keeps happening again and again. There was never a beginning and and end to anything other than what the clock and calendar displayed. Mondays are the same as Fridays and July is the same as December because the calls never stop and they often don't even vary in content.

I also blame the chasm between expectation and reality. I was told, and naively believed, that I would have the opportunity to work closely with the doctors and, in some sense that was true, but mainly it was misrepresented. I exchanged mostly emails (TENCs) with them about patients and frequently didn't see or talk to some of them for days at a time other than good morning and good night (I barely exchanged words with the other nurses there because we rarely saw one another during the day as well). They were just as busy seeing live patients and, when I told one doc I was leaving, Daniela, and she said that she understood re: the learning issue as the clinic is a poor place for even doctors doing their rotations to learn. There just isn't the time available to do so because the doctors themselves are always running to play catch-up.

All the metrics are set up for one thing and one thing only: make primary care, or health care in general, profitable. The only way to accomplish that is volume. We were recently told that we need to make hospital follow up calls and given a hand out about it with some rather elegant doublespeak about caring for patients and the rate of illness that occurs after hospitalization. However, what stuck out the most prominently was a graph on the last page that assigned a dollar figure to each of these hypothetical patients and how much money that those follow ups to their primary care doctors might generate. Cold reality on display.

So, will I miss it? Well, in some ways I think I will. I will write more about the new job in the next post, but lets just say it will be far less peopled. I will miss working with a team, though we often didn't work on the same projects. I will the banter, the laughs at our own and at the patients expense, and I will miss the common bond of fighting a battle you can never win. But will I miss the job? Well, if you think that you haven't been paying attention the last few months.