So long shots

I had a patient walk in today (it wasn't my patient and I promise no identifying information, so back off HIPPA police!) who came in looking for her provider.  This happens, on average, once or twice a week.  Only, generally, they at least know who they are supposed to see.  I can pull up the patient's info, but it will only show me their appointment if they are seeing a provider in our system, not outside of it.  Most offices in the building are not affiliated with us.  So, I go to pull up her provider for her and, when I ask her the doctor's name she states, "It is some Asian women.......maybe Chinese?"  What I said was, "I'm sorry, but I can't look them up without their name." What I wanted to say was, "Oh, the asian woman doctor.  Of course!  We all know her.  We do, after all, have to make our quota of one."  It is kind of like when I say I went to UF (45-48,000 students when I attended) and people say something like, "Did you know Billy?"  I usually just say, "Oh yeah, I remember him.  He was a huge anti-Semite.  You aren't friends with him are you?"

 

On to the more mundane, things are occurring as I suspected they would at work.  The nurse who is out on the mysterious leave of absence has extended that leave through mid-June at the minimum.  The likelihood is that she is not coming back at all.  This whole situation is made worse because literally all her patients and the staff she shared space with know about it.  And while she supposedly harbors no animosity towards our manager and towards the rest of the staff, her behavior is affecting us, not the people who made the decision to make this joint venture thing happen.  This is compounded by the fact that my manager has been, in her words, working with this nurse to secure a position to stay within the organization.  Why now would you want this person in your organization at all?  

 

What it means for me personally is a whole lot more driving.  As this clinic can, ostensibly, be run by the charge nurse while staying somewhat in the nougaty center of things, that clinic cannot.  So, I am Gresham bound for much of the next few weeks.  I don't mind it per se, insomuch as I don't mind any changes largely, but I hate above most things commuting.  And this commute is a real bitch in the evenings.  At least everyone seems appreciative of it.  And, like it or not, it is part of the job.   

 

Domestically, I am finding things harder and harder to manage.  Between Tia and I working nearly full time schedules and Quinn, there seems to be less and less time to get things accomplished.  I admit I am a bit OCD about things and they bother me more than they should.  But, it irritates me to have a table half covered in bills and bibs.  It irritates me when the bathroom isn't clean and there are bath toys all over the place.  It irritates me that our yard is weed ridden and seemingly always on the verge of going full on wilderness on us.  Ultimately though, I don't know what to do about it.  By the time Tia and I get home from work and get Q to bed, it is generally after 7.  Then, we need to eat something, which means at least perfunctory cooking and the accompanying clean up.  Then the aftermath of Hurricane Quinn needs to be picked up.  Once you get everything roughly done, you are staring at 830 and have the decision of what to do with your free hour..........get that bathroom cleaned up or veg out for awhile because you are exhausted.  I admittedly almost always go with the latter.  

 

Last but not least, bad news about my ongoing battle against allergies.  My immune system's hyperactive immune response has won out.  I knew I had a chance at failing the shots (about 25% fail them per the allergist), but I had held onto it as my last prevailing hope to staying functional in this climate.  But, when I asked what my next step was, the doc pretty much just shrugged his shoulders (also, when he looked at my sclera, he winced because it was so red/inflamed.........and it did not feel particularly red or inflamed to me, showing me just how far from feeling normal I consider my 'normal' to be).  My last gasp is to try taking an antihistamine vacation of sorts (claritin twice daily vs Zyrtec in the am and claritin pm) and then re-add Zyrtec and hope it recharges.  I might start looking into other options (naturopathic?) as well, because I am kind of out of options as far as western medicine is concerned.  On the upshot, my PFT (pulmonary function tests) were great.  So, at least the whole breathing thing seems handily under control.  Given a choice, I will take being able to breathe over clear eyes and nasal passages.  

 

I better wrap this up.  As I mentioned, too many other things to do.  Ugh.     

No one wants to be left behind

I think we can all agree that, all things being equal, we would prefer to do the leaving rather than being left behind.  Whether it is relationships of the personal or professional persuasion, we would all prefer to be the master's of our own fate.  We all want to believe we are valuable and are bigger than the whole.

I am seeing that now at work.  The nurse who runs the MH clinic has been doing so for about 20 years.  She has dedicated the vast majority of her nursing career there.  She is very unhappy about the now looming buyout which will: A. move her to a new organization and B. strip her of her charge role.  She is also now on a very sudden leave of absence.  I was there filling in for her yesterday (and tomorrow.....and however many other days to be determined).  The likelihood is that she is seeking other employment.  Her patients said as much to me. One mentioned that it, "never hurts to put fear in management by letting them know you are looking for another job."  I was thinking about that fear.

The 'fear' I think she is hoping to strike is more or less related to what she sees as her value to the organization.  That value is transient however.  Had she done something like this a year ago, it would have carried more weight.  Now, with 3 months until they unload the clinic altogether, it is unclear how much power she actually has vs. how much she thinks she does.

Ultimately, I feel for her.  She has committed herself to an organization that, like the vast majority of all organizations, values not your body of work, but what you can provide in the present.  She is not looking at what opportunities she might have at the new place, but rather what she is leaving behind (though they certainly have not treated that clinic, and in effect her, well.  It is certainly the only clinic that I could actively look down upon compared to my own).  For the organization, the clinics no longer had enough value to maintain them as they were and therefore the staff of those clinics were expendable.  To their credit, they seem to have fought fairly hard to keep positions for everyone with the new ownership (though there may be other motivations).

Part of this is generational.  I don't think that most people in my generation (and those that follow) will have the same kind of careers our parents mostly had.  It will be rare for anyone to start and end their career with the same organization.  This lack of commitment is a two way street however.  We know that we need to keep our eyes open for other opportunities because we are mostly an expendable commodity.  It you are worth more than you cost, you are kept, but if that equation is inverted...well, better you have some lifelines already in place.  So, while I am obviously nervous to lose my built up goodwill with management and relationships, I am also somewhat excited by the opportunity to work with other people, learn new skills, and potentially find an even better situation.

What this means to me and everyone else in the meantime is yet another barrier to staffing.  No one knows when she will come back from leave, or even if.  While she is hoping to leverage her position and skills and show up management, what she is ultimately doing is hurting her co-workers and supervisors who have no power to change anything.  Considering this, she would likely be better off to have her frustrations known while showing up and being a professional.  However, the result is not likely to change no matter how she chooses to behave; change is coming whether you embrace it or you do not.  I just hope she finds something to make her happy and that, if it helps her feel better about things, she can do the leaving on her terms.  In the meantime, I think this summer is going to be a tough one on the rest of us.

Roses and thorns Hawaii

I have been struggling to post anything lately.  Call it low motivation or call it low effort, but mostly it is the confluence of both plus the whole having a baby thing.  Anyway, to the post.

Lets start with Hawaii.  It was, as vacations tend to be, some good and some bad (roses and thorns).

Roses:
 - Q getting to go to the beach for the first time
 - Swimming with a sea turtle
 - Yummy fish tacos
 - Time for Q to spend with his grandma
 - Q laughing most of the day having 3 people paying attention to him full time
 - Boogie boarding
 - A week away from work
 - Paia 
 - Cinnamon Rolls

Thorns:
 - Q thinking sand was food......and delicious food at that
 - Q waking up at, on average, 430am, every day
 - Q having teething pain the last 2 days and screaming every few hours throughout the night
 - Near record high temps for the week
 - Road to Hana = rain rain rain
 - Crazy afternoon winds
 - Losing power in the bedroom/bathroom one night due to a short (and short circuiting our 'anniversary dinner' in the process)

All in all, it was really nice.  I can say I have no immediate urge to visit again anytime soon.  I feel like I can see roughly the same stuff in Florida (and stay with family).  Still, I can't help but feel like I could use a vacation after the vacation (sans baby).  For all the things Maui was, relaxing isn't necessarily the term I would use.  I think we might need to look at a driving vacation or a 'stay cation' the next time around.  Especially considering our yard, after just one week of neglect, looks like we left for a month at least.  Mercifully, the plane ride wasn't really that bad.

In other news, I finally received my offer letter from OHSU.  For all the talk about pay rates, mine will actually go up about 5%.  This will largely be negated by the nearly $80/month I will owe in union dues, but it isn't nearly the pay reduction I thought I would be receiving.  Plus, per their union page, the negotiations are in process for the next 3 year contract (expiring in Sept of this year) and they are seeking an additional 8% each of the next 2 years.  Whether that is likely to occur, or if it is just a negotiating tactic, I don't know, but it is certainly an exciting possibility.  I still have a lot of questions and there are some things that are a bit unsettling (like that we will all be subject to drug tests, background checks, and a 180 day probationary period...all generally applicable to new employees only, not current ones which we supposedly were being hired in as), but overall my hope is that it proves positive.  No idea when my clinic will make the transition though.

I hope this won't be the last post for awhile, but who knows.  I will try to be better at it as always.  Now if I can just get the yard under control.

Life as a single dad.....

....totally sucks.  Honest to god, between work and the few hours that bookend it when Q is up and about, I felt like someone crushed me with an 18 wheeler.  To be fair, Q is teething which added a degree of difficulty (thoroughly unneeded I might add) to the proceedings, but I definitely feel woefully inadequate to the task of being the sole parent while Tia was away at a conference in San Fran.  Had she been gone more than three days, the house may well have looked like something out of one of those post apocalyptic zombie films.  To all you single working parents, I salute you and observe you with the same kind of dumbstruck awe I reserve for well honed athletic achievements, in that I am impressed someone can do something that amazing, but it sure the hell isn't me.  Thanks to Diane for helping me out one night and Tia for coming home at all :)

I got word today that the merger will be forestalled yet again.  The original target was 7/1 and is now not until the beginning of September.  The twist is that they are moving forward with GS along with the Hood and the Park at that time vs. GS going separately in January.  As for my clinic and the Creek, the magic 8 ball is still fuzzy.  It now appears likely that at least one person is going over from the clinic.  I still have my own decision to make.  To hedge bets, I put in my app for staying.  I am still waiting to see what benefit leaving will bring.  At least I should know something soon enough (assuming they furnish us with some useable information that is).  More to come when I do.

Not much else to bring forth at the moment.  I am quite tired of looking at car seats....who knew there were so very many to pick from.  Gods.  And so many pros and cons to each.

   

Information

I like information.  Its why I obsessively research damn near everything.  We call it 'falling down the rabbit hole' in our house and I have fallen down quite a few.  I have read far more than any human being not in the their respective fields about laundry soap for Q's clothes and diapers, car seats, body soap, and mattresses among other things.  Really, you name it, I have probably spent at least an hour researching it as it relates to Q.  Or for electronics.  Or cars.  Or restaurants.  Anyway, I think you get the idea.

So, it may come as no surprise that now that I find myself in a potentially weird position at work, I am uncomfortable with an overall lack of data to work from.  I have read large swaths of the ONA contract, and have tried to extrapolate as much information as I could, but it isn't 'concrete' because I don't know if I will be considered an inpatient or outpatient nurse at OHSU (or if they do not distinguish, via varying pay rates, between then).  From what I could gather, even at 80%, I would be getting nearly 2.5 weeks of additional paid time off (mostly through pay for holidays, which I do not get now, and about $1700 of employer contributions to retirement annually.  All told, it could be a net benefit (gross not take home) of approximately $5500.  Not too shabby.  But, as we do not receive our offer letters until the 24th, it is not a certainty.  Plus, they haven't suggested exactly what the pay will be, just that it will be 'comparable.'  Plus, I don't know the work hours.  Plus, I need to learn chemo.....and soon.

The reason this is a problem is that today they posted my current position at EH.  I have to apply for it by the 15th.  Simple math tells me that is 9 days before the other job offer is presented to me.  Unlike the possibility of moving over, staying at EH is a dead certainty.  It is what I have done for years.  Essentially work by my damn self.  I wont go into the pros and cons (I am still tallying them mentally), but I know there are intangible benefits to staying somewhere you are a known quality.  But, if I apply, do I take myself out of the running to so much as hear about the other job?  And, if I do opt to pass, does my job transfer 'as is' (24 hours a week vs. 32)?  So many more questions than that really, but those two are prominent.  I wrote my boss to ask her what her thoughts were on the subject.  More to come when I hear.  And more to come in general.....what a mess.

All by myself

More and more it is looking like, in the words of Eric Carmen, I will be all by myself once the merger happens.  The more details that come forth from our side, the less likely it appears that anyone will be employed by the clinics when it finally happens.  

At this point, it looks like none of the infusion staff from Meridian Park will be around.  KG, as I mentioned before, will be starting her new gig when she returns from Australia at the end of April.  They had asked for a few extra weeks of her time upon return, but her new department declined to allow it.  KV (the current charge) will be moving into the pediatric floor position at EH as soon as the clinic at the Park officially closes.  MT will evidently be taking the evening position vacated by another RN (48 hours per pay period, 6p -230a) once the clinic closes.  MK is apparently also seeking other employment (not sure where though).  That will leave them 0 for 4.   

 

The good news is they 'control' the transitions of MT and KV in that they can hold them in their present spots until a time of their choosing since they are staying within the department.  If MK leaves the department though (a possibility unless she also wants a night position), it is unclear how they will cover all their shifts unless MT (currently part time) wants to go full time for a few months.  They are already reducing their core staffing to just 2 nurses, which will likely cause a lot of headaches for scheduling.  Since they have also told me to 'schedule lightly' and the Creek and the Hood to not schedule beyond their means, the whole situation is seemingly one RN away from crumbling (like, lets say, a surgery or long term illness) or if anyone from the Creek or the Hood seek outside positions as well (a near certainty).  As it is, I picture an awful lot of shuffling.   

 

As for Good Sam, they are also experiencing some attrition, though I am not privy to exactly how much.  While I dont anticipate actually being the last one standing by the time the merger happens, I have a feeling there will be less than half of us remaining.  This was evidently a concern that has been discussed at length in the meetings for a number of months, however, my supervisor Stuart places a large deal of the blame on OHSU, as they have not been forthcoming with information and, with the meeting about a month out yet discussing more specifics and providing offer letters, they don't seem to have any sense of urgency.  If true, perhaps it was part of the 'deal' from their side.  While they explicitly agreed to take everyone on, perhaps implicitly they did not really mean to do so.  It is just a theory of course.

At the same time, they are posting the position for me at EH at 32 hours a week.  So, in effect, that is what I will be committing to long term.  I suppose it will be a good compromise still, but I am sure it will be a hard one to deal with as Q continues to grow and the weather starts to accommodate more entertaining outdoor options.  

As always, more to come as events warrant.  Should be a lot of movement until the merger though.

The first shoe drops

And we have our first notice turned in for clinic staff from the Park.  The solution will be to make it a 'two person baseline staff.'  This will work out poorly at least half the time I presume as they ideally would like to have 3 and sometimes 4 staff.  They are also going to tell the Creek to keep their schedule within the confines of what 2 nurses can handle.  This while I am keeping my schedule 'light' as often as possible and Mt Hood was told to not expect any help.

At this point either a LOT of patients will be sent to Good Sam or there will be a shit-fit thrown by the nurse exec or docs at the Park.  I am betting on the latter.  Plus, there are more staff still looking around.

I see the weeds

I love Top Chef.  It is, by far, my favorite reality based TV show.  I only bring this up because the chefs (or cheftestants if you prefer) use the term 'in the weeds' when they are kind of up to their necks, falling behind, and otherwise in a bit of a mess.  I am not there yet at work, but I can see em.

The last 2 days at work I had 2 different staff members from the Park up to help me out.  In those two days I learned that one of them has already all but signed the paperwork for her new job (at the same hospital, but in a different department) and the other has had at least one interview.  She and another nurse (they have 4 total) also are keenly interesting in a floor position soon to be posted.  They have, at present, exactly one nurse who is fairly competent in the clinic that works on call.  She also places central lines which makes her equally valuable on the floor, if not more so depending on who is out sick on a particular day.  There are zero plans to hire anyone due to the restructuring.

So, pulling the pieces of the aforementioned puzzle together, I would say we are quite likely close to being in the proverbial weeds/shit.  This should not be my problem, but based on past history, I know it will be.  I will be here, there, and everywhere while the clinic I work in is closed, barely covered, and otherwise shat upon.  I know this because it has happened in the past and they have said nearly as much.  I am not looking forward to the next few months.  In the meantime, best to try not to think about it too much until it happens.....and then make sure I keep the car gassed up.

Got away for the weekend.  Went to Edgefield.  Quite the drunken revelry going on throughout.  Was a nice 'break' but I think I am coming down with a cold (our first cold since.......well, probably January).    Probably our last getaway before our vacation.  Seems very far away from now.

Lastly, perhaps the most horrible way to treat your ipad (or best use of potty time): I present the Ipotty

 Dont pretend like you don't want an adult version.

All we get is this.  Not nearly as fun.

Crawling/All by myself

We got our first crawl this weekend.  Evidently the neccessary motivation was iphone and puffs respectively.  To be fair, it is more like dragging as it is probably 90% arms, but he is pretty darned thrilled about it and the whining has abated for now.

Q is also working very hard on a vertical lifestyle.  He now walks/dances/spasms his way forward with hands for balance.  He also holds himself up against the ottoman and the couch for 15 minutes at a stretch.  He will occasionally let go and try to balance himself.  I believe, were it not a balance issue, his legs are more than capable of supporting himself at this point.  One of the benefits of being small.

After visiting 2 centers and interviewing 3 nannies, we finally settled on a nanny.  Some of the differences were purely philosophical.  One center didn't believe in having the kids sit or stand with assistance, preferring they not attempt those skills until they were  ready to do so on their own.  While that is a fine philosophy, it is one I fervently disagree with.  I believe it is our duty as parents/caregivers, to provide supports for the child to learn new skills, so long as it is done safely and within the bounds of their physical capabilities.  Another place that touted itself as very eco-minded and nature oriented, refused to deal with cloth diapers because, and I paraphrase for brevity, "they are icky."  What the hell!  The other center we visited was Joyful Noise and they were very impressive, but it is still a center and, for now, I like the idea of one on one care for Q.  Especially since, at this age, the cost difference is pretty damn negligible.

As for nannies, that has its own drawbacks.  Obviously, the idea of a near stranger, bonafied credentials or no, hanging out in our house with our kiddo and pets without any supervision is a bit unnerving.  But, based on our last experience with a center, it seems a gamble worth taking.  Of the three interviews (a fourth bailed due to back issues), only one was a genuine 'no'.  She came with a 20 month old who was, well, a 20 month old.  This would not have been terribly disconcerting except that she would have been bringing her with every day.  We both thought that the divided attention would not be beneficial.  The other two were both good, but the second of the two just seemed a little too low key.  Almost sedate really.  I think it will take more energy to keep up with Q.  Fingers crossed this works out better than our stopgap nanny (who bailed a few days prior to her start with health concerns).

I am now all alone again in the clinic.  It is odd.  Perhaps I will get used to it in time, as I obviously spent most of the past 2 years that way, but it is strange at present.  I will miss having Lynne around.  She was a really good nurse and really pushed me to be a better one.  I would say the advantage would be that I am less likely to float all over hell and gone, but I still think that is likely to happen.  We had a weekly hydration patient (3 times weekly for the next month) who would have required about 15 hours of clinic care every week, who they turfed over to GS because 'we don't have the manpower' and also because 'we will need you to float to other sites to cover vacations.'  So, we turned away an insured patient and guaranteed work for the EM clinic so that we could close to cover vacations at other sites.  Sigh.  Things will really never change.

Speaking of that, I am still an employee of the Park.  The more that the above shit happens, the less inclined I am to not go to the new company as soon as the opportunity presents itself.  Despite the possible drawbacks, the idea of some (any) regard for the clinic would be nice.  Instead the department continues to treat it like an inconvenience at best.  

Lastly, yay we are going to Hawaii!  Still a few more steps to complete the process (there are always so many steps), but at least the flights, rental car, and lodging are all almost done (just the latter to finish up).  We tried in vain to rent a few places without much in the way of follow up (I understand that it is home owners, not businesses per se, but these are rental properties and as such one would think they would, you know, want to rent them) before finally landing on this place: http://www.vrbo.com/455674   Having never been to Maui, I am not sure which place will prove to be the best to stay, or which locale on the island really, but I am pretty damn sure that it will be a lot nicer there than here when we go.

Speaking of going, I ought to do so before Q wakes up if I have any hope of eating.  More to come as always.

The Meeting

We finally had the meeting I have been waiting for for some time now.  The agreement with OHSU has been signed.  Finally.  Hopefully this will be the end of the wild speculation, but I doubt it.

What is being promised is pretty good.  They will take all the clinic staff on without any undo difficulty. We wont be obligated to reapply, submit to any complicated HR process, nor have any of our hours cut.  We will also get 'comparable' pay, which in my own digging around is likely to be somewhat less, but not very much (potentially a few cents hourly), but with the added benefit of an actual sick bank on top of our vacation pay and 6% contributed to retirement (vs. 2.5%).  We will also get some union credit, which will help in trying for vacations and possibly other jobs in the system down the road.  

In the interim though, I suspect chaos.  The nurse I had trained to replace me is offically done as of today (and she was pretty darn awesome), so it will be me and clinic once again....though 4 days instead of 5 (or 3).  Since I still technically am employed by the Park, the big question is how long will I be working in the clinic.  The plan, or at least the most recent itineration, has the Park and Mt. Hood going over in the summer, Good Sam by the end of the year (or early next) and the Creek and my clinic at some point around summer 2014.  If they dont find a way to transfer me (and I am not sure if I want them to or not depending on the day), they will end up with a 4 day a week hole in the clinic that they will not be able to hire to replace.  Also, if the other clinicians dont opt to move along, they could look to transfer inpatient (or in other departments).  Ripples are already being felt as I was the plug for vacations and sick calls at other sites, a service I will no longer be able to provide.  I was asked to 'schedule light' but already we have more patients on next week than we had this week, including a 3 day/5 hour each day hydration for the next month and at least one daily ABX patient.  Scheduling light will be more or less at the whims of the referring physicians and less my own discretion.  It is going to be a bumpy ride.  

On the flip side, at least I seem to be soaking up kudos.  Even the nurse executive is getting in the act.  Going so far as to say it would 'be a loss to Legacy, and a major boon to OHSU!' if I chose to stay.  I am definitely keeping that email to re-read on my shittier days.

We are starting our interviews tomorrow (3 all told) for a new caregiver.  The gal that was supposed to take care of Quinn in the short term will likely not be able to due to health concerns.  So we are a bit in scramble mode at the moment.  We have two centers to visit next week as well.  Hopefully one of them turns out all right.  The pressure is certainly on.  

More to come as always.  I am a whipped pup today.  Time to shut it down.  

36

I have been meaning to blog about turning 36, but then I realized there isn't a whole lot to say about it.  As far as birthdays go, it is fairly innocuous.  I guess, at this age, I figure the 5s are the biggies (35, 40, 35, 50, etc).  Perhaps the only thing notable is that it is a square number and I won't see another one of those until I am 49 (that was for you fellow math nerds).

But, work remains eventful.  The gal I trained leaves next Friday.  They have offered me the full time gig back, but we are going to try to 'compromise' to me picking up Mondays if we can arrange childcare (see later on this post).  They won't post the gig, because they are still very unclear on when the OHSU deal is going down.  Plus, by the time they got the job posted, went through the interviews, and got someone in and trained, it would be months.  My next 'ask' will probably be to switch me back to EH from the Park (I officially work at the latter, though I have only been there a hand full of times since August when I accepted that position).  This would be purely for negotiating with OHSU down the line as I would be 1 of 1 at EH, but the least tenured with Legacy of the group at the Park.

Plus, the latest rumor mill grist is that all the clinics will flip to OHSU at one time vs. the initial staggered schedule.  How this will work (any of it really) is a mystery, but there is more chatter from the higher ups that the signing is nigh.  It is incredibly frustrating mostly because there are no guarantees going forward.  Hard to plan for down the line without any idea of what that might entail.

I also recently got a call back from KP Hillsboro about an IV gig I applied to.  I am unsure what to do with that, as it could be the same crew that did the panel with me and never contacted me after.  I don't know if I would have been a good fit for that job anyway, but it seems kind of dickish to have someone go through the processes and not bother to send out an email saying they picked someone else.  Of course, the call I got was from their front line of defense, who is supposed to filter me in or out before an actual interview.  I will call her at least and see if I make it any further than that.

Tia has her second interview tomorrow with the company out in Oswego.  It is a simulation of sorts, with them explaining the project and her explaining how she would manage it.  Even if it proves awesome, there is still the matter of pay/benefits.  KP is pretty effing awesome in that regard.

Q officially broke up with his daycare today......or we did anyway.  It was one more day of them doing stuff they ought not.  Today they gave him wheat toast and butter.......two no-nos from an allergy perspective, especially since we had not introduced him to them.  They are always giving him tylenol because he is 'fussy' and they still talk of his yelling fits (though we have not seen them in months).  This on top of the fact that he is often half clothed for their diapering convenience.  It was nothing huge, but enough little things to piss you off.  So, the search for a nanny (or ideally a nanny share) begins.  Tia is already making contacts.

That covers it all for now.  IF you get a chance, rent 'This is 40'.  Pretty funny (and somewhat poignant at this age) stuff if a bit overlong and with a few unnecessary story digressions.

Opportunity costs?

I had my review yesterday and it was more positive than I could have reasonably expected.  I guess we are our own harshest critics, but it was nice to hear how your peers/supervisors perceive your work.  As for what it means monetarily, who knows?  Generally it just appears in the next paycheck if there is a raise associated.  I have no idea how that is figured out, nor does anyone else outside of HR it appears.  In the end, Tia and I both got stellar reviews (with Tia locking up a promotion as well) and neither of us has any idea if or what it will mean to our financial situation.

There appears to be a number of opportunities coming up at my job (speculatively), but all with possible drawbacks.

1. We have had a floor nurse out on leave for better than 6 months now.  Evidently her time is up and they are finally able to cut the cord.  However, they envision the position as a pediatric position as well as adults.  It was intimated to me that, were I interested, it would be a position I could move into and that, in regards to job security, it is as secure as it gets.  However, the idea of sticking kids with needles and placing lines in month old babies is off putting in the least and terrifying in general.  Plus, it would mean 4-10 hour days that rotate bi-weekly including every other weekend.  This would mean more days in daycare for Mr. Q.  Well, at least we would have to pay for more days (he would only need to attend 2 days one week and three the next, a next 'gain' of one extra day every 2 weeks).  It would cost us as additional $380/month, but I would more than make up for that with my extra hours and the slight addition of weekend pay.  But I would lose half my weekends with the family and that would be a huge bummer.  Plus it would largely take me away from the clinic.  But Tia could possibly cut back to three days a week then.

2.  The new RN I trained, who is excellent btw, is evidently going to relocate back to Texas.  And this is going to happen very soon as she is turning in her notice on Friday.  This of course could mean that they will need a new full time staff person there (assuming they replace the position) and that I could slide back into the clinic.  This would be a better reassurance that I will have a position and that it will stay very local, but would necessitate that Q go to daycare M-Th every week (definitely not ideal) or we could look to a nanny, which would be better than daycare but a LOT more expensive.  Plus there is always....

3.  The clinic buyout which has been rumored and speculated upon since last summer is still lurching its way forward like one of the Night of the Living Dead zombies.  The rumor mill still has much grist to grind upon, with the latest being that all clinics will flip over at the same time vs. a few at a time.  So, the clinic position might not buy me any additional time in Legacy.  But, perhaps this is a good thing?  There is the possibility that the move to OHSU would be a positive one.  Though it is likely to mean a pay cut of some degree (though I doubt an overly large one), it would afford me the opportunity to learn chemotherapy regimens and get certified as an oncology RN.  I have no particular interest in that, but it would make me much more hire-able should we relocate.  Plus, it is likely the benefits and retirement are at least on par with, if not superior to, the ones offered at Legacy.  There is also the possibility that it will be a game of musical chairs with more RNs than positions available.  If that is the case, I have the least seniority of any of the clinic nurses.

4.  The possibility that, if the buyout occurs, they will likely offer a take it or leave it deal.  Meaning, they will come to the affected staff and say "here is the offer to go to the new clinics or you can take a buyout (generally one week of pay per year of service)"  This would allow me to (at least based on past instances from co-workers) collect unemployment and take Q out of daycare completely.  The downside to this is that it also may make it harder for me to get back into the field down the line.  Also, can I handle being a full time stay at home dad?  Plus, Tia would then need to go back to work full time (an option she is mulling presently anyway).  I might also finally be able to take a fair amount of time off and fly out to Florida to visit my family (though the idea of flying with an infant is terrifying.......I might need a sedative)

 So, while all speculative at the moment, it appears there will be much to consider in the coming month(s).  Should be interesting.

Q is starting to rock back and forth in an effort to crawl.  Mobility is imminent.  This will surely be novel, but we will have to keep a sharp eye on the little fellow.  He is continuing to get more and more, dare I say, fun to be around.  He still takes every bit of energy you have, and it is crazy difficult on the days you aren't feeling up to snuff, but for the most part these aren't problems related to him so much as they are things about me.  I certainly try my best and it is getting easier than it was.   It is fun to watch him grow and change and play.  Now if the weather would just shape up a bit and warm up so we can go outside and enjoy it!

I better finish this and eat before Q awakens and I lose the opportunity.  Going to try to take him to the soaking pool today.  He loves it!  It isnt the pool part that concerns me, but the to and from really.  Wish me luck.

Well played Mr. Q. Well played.

Dare I jinx things horribly, but things have been pretty darn good with Q of late.  He still wakes up WAY too early and naps too infrequently, but he is a much happier dude altogether (and hence are we as well).  He is still bothered by an infrequent and unproductive cough, but otherwise has been healthy. Plus, he is finally topping 15lbs.

Speaking of Q, he continues to be very very HIGH energy.  When the MA at the doc's office (a pediatrician who sees kids all day every day) brings in other MAs to meet him because he hams it up so much at the office, you know he is different (and in a good way).  He has such joy for everything.  I wish I could be half as excited and happy as he is when he wakes up from a nap, let alone a long night of sleep.

Today we took him to a pool near Multnomah Village that had a water slide (he is unfortunately still too small) and some spraying water jets and a nice shallow end perfectly sized for his stature.  It wasnt nearly as warm as the Kennedy School soaking pool, but he still had a blast.  Then, he passed out in the car on the way home and had a nice nap before we wandered out to a local 'fruit stand' which also turned out to be a mini grocery with an array of house made sausages, home baked pies, and other delicacies.  We capped it off by trying Lardo sandwiches for the first time while Q actually played and entertained himself enough to let us both eat at the same time!  (As a sidebar, they had on tap one of the best/strangest beers I have had in a very long time (ever?) called Sweet Heat by Burnside brewing; sweet and spicy with a really nice flavor.  Thumbs way up.)  When we got home, Q ate and then, when Tia stripped him for his bath, he peed all over her pants and the rug.  While she went to take off her pants, he then took a shit on the same rug!  It was effing hilarious and ridiculous all at once  :)  Now I am trying to type a blog with cats draped all over me.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I will definitely try to remember today when days don't always go so well.

No new news from work.  Trying to figure out the next move while possibly keeping a step ahead of any changes that might be coming down the road.  Have my review on Tuesday, should be a nice chance to finally chat for a bit with the new manager.  Still working everywhere while they try to figure out what to do with me.  I guess for now, until rumors solidify a bit more I will just try not to speculate too much and keep showing up until something actually comes along.  More to come as always.

2 foot tornado, Euro hotels, and how you know when you are old

We have started calling Q the 'two foot tornado' now as he has a penchant for utter decimation of any area you put him in.  Whether throwing around toys, smashing whatever he can on any hard surface, and projectile spit-up, he leaves a swatch of destruction in his wake.  It should prove interesting when he can walk.....I might need to start child proofing now.

Q has also recently learned the 'bah, gah, and dah' sounds.  He repeats them over and over.  It is actually pretty funny because there is never any context for it.  He just kind of starts babbling when the mood strikes him, wherever that may be.  Also, he is really developing a funny laugh.  Still runs at 110 mph when awake and flails his entire body about like he is on methamphetamines.  Probably why he crashes out so hard when he naps.  Nighttime sleep is still irregular.  Mornings still begin anywhere between 5-630 (usually closer to 5).  Night sleep is pretty consistently around 6.  It is remarkable to see him evolve from this little crying lump over the past half year.   

Tia and I (thanks to my mother-in-law) actually managed to have 24 hours baby free.  It is funny what things you revel in after their absence.  Things like eating a hot dinner at the same time, going places that are decidedly not baby friendly, having dinner at 9pm, and reading the newspaper while having your second cup of coffee.  It was a wonderful escape.

We didn't go far, both because Q is still unpredictable and also because we didn't want to spend the bulk of our time driving.  We settled on McMinville because it was close, inexpensive, and neither one of us had been there.  The town is surrounded by vinyards and has at least one very notable restaurant (amongst a disproportionate number of them vs. the size of the town) and lots and lots of tasting rooms.  Well, the truth is that the main drag is, as far as I can tell, pretty much all there is to the town. It comprises about 6 blocks along one main street.  It is easily traversed in 10 minutes of leisurely walking.  The hotel was one of the McMenamin's properties, The Hotel Oregon.  We opted for the Euro room vs. having an en-suite bath as the idea of traveling a few feet down a hall to save $40 appealed to me (had you asked me that at 5am, when I was trying to locate my key card so I could wander down the brightly lit hall and pee, I may have reconsidered).  It was all pretty typical, and pretty novel considering.

Our new manager started this week.  I don't know when I will actually meet her though.  I have been running all over the system of late as it becomes more and more evident they aren't exactly sure what to do with me.  I will be out at the Hood tomorrow (in Gresham), and have been to the Tualitan and Vancouver in the last few weeks.  I keep hoping that the deal will finally come through for the clinics, just to see if I would finally have an opt out that would allow me to collect unemployment and stay home with Q.  I have doubts it will happen anytime soon, if at all.  In the meantime, I will just keep showing up where they need me I guess.

Last but not least (and most recent), I realized, definitively, that I am getting old.  I was washing the dishes after dinner and I sneezed.  But, since my hands were wet, I tried to hold back a bit.  This was a bad idea.  I felt a tweak down the left side of my body and a tug in my groin.  Now I am actually sporting a bit of a limp.  This is all utterly ridiculous.  If it gets worse tomorrow I am going to tell people it was a from jumping out of a plane, playing some pick up basketball with much younger players, or really anything that has slightly more cache than what actually happened.

I am going to bed to hopefully prevent further injuries.  More to come as events warrant.

Ah, funny but true.

Credit to: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/minor_differences4

It has been awhile........and will probably continue to be

For years, whether anyone cared to read along or not, I managed to post just about weekly....on average anyway.  This through preparing for nursing school, nursing school itself, boards, new jobs, at least a half dozen moves, 2 surgeries, and Tia's pregnancy.  Then, baby Q.  Then, nada.  The only reason I am writing this today is that I am home sick with Q in daycare (the last month has seen me with at least 2 colds, one course of ABX, and the norovirus; Tia with at least 2 colds and a course of ABX, though she has probably been sick the most frequently the last few months; T with RSV and at least one general cold).

And it isn't as though I don't have the time.  I do.  He falls asleep around 6 every night.  It is just that, from 6 until bedtime, I have so little ability to focus an energy on a task such as this.  Feeding myself, cleaning up from the day, and preparing for the next is just about all I have the energy for.  Even reading is sometimes too much, let alone writing.

What I am learning is this is in part due to the fact that Q is very high energy.  I didn't know this until other parents of little kids point it out.  Perhaps he is just catching up from the months of general discomfort and malaise.  He literally does not stop moving when he is awake though.  Often to quite comical effect.  Once he gets his arms flailing, legs kicking, and starts to unleash his pterodactyl screech of joy, he is truly in his zone.  It does probably explain why he needs to nap as often as he does.  Honestly, I want to nap just watching him.  It can be exhausting just trying to keep him occupied (and woe to the person who does not try......he does not suffer such a lack of effort quietly).  However, all things considered, even when he is waking us up at crazy hours and we are collectively worn out, he is just so infectiously happy you can't begrudge him any of it.  It is certainly a joy to hear him laugh and watch him play, especially considering how far from that we were not so long ago.

Q is finally on the growth curve now as well.  At the 3% side of the ledger, but there nonetheless.  He LOVES solid food.  It is funny just watching him try new things.  He immediately lets us know if he is a fan or not.

My job remains largely the same.  I float around a bit more than usual, though I am still primarily at the main hospital.  There is still no concrete word on the new company taking over the clinics.  Still endless rumor, though all proving false in time.  It may yet not happen still.  It may be next month.  No one in a position to know such things seems to have any idea and, if they do, they are reluctant to share it.  In the meantime, we all just keep plugging along and waiting.  We do finally have a director and, at the beginning of next week, a manager (nearly 1 year to the day from the last one getting fired).  Will be interesting to see if that changes anything.

Tia's job continues to be very busy and, if one of the rather large grants gets funded, will get more so.  She is also looking around when the right opportunities present themselves, but it remains unclear if she would actually jump ship.  There is a lot of frustration there, but a lot of camaraderie as well and the benefits are pretty amazing.  But, she certainly has the capability to do other things and I understand the burn factor.

I have been looking around as well when the right opportunities come along, but have had little success getting so much as an interview.  I believe that if I was willing to look at more general positions (med surg) and less desirable shifts (nights) I could find something, but at this point I don't think it would be wise.  I generally like being home with Q and, though it is certainly not easy, it is getting incrementally better.  I am very much looking forward to the spring/summer (which seems so far away at this point. This is the part of the year we would normally get away somewhere sunny for a week, a proposition not in the cards this year) when there will be much more to do outside and he will be much more capable of enjoying those things.

There is little else to catch up on.  Apparently time passes quickly when you are constantly on cold medication.  I will try, as always, to be more constant in my posts.  I will also likely fail in the regard.

Norovirus?

I am as aware an anyone that the 'New Year' is an arbitrary delineation of time and doesn't mean anything.  However, this has not been a good start.

I was already on antibiotics for a persistent sore throat, malaise  and red//goopy eyes.  Tia has been suffering from the same, only for longer than I (though with less acute eye concerns).  Then, I came home Thursday night feeling like my stomach was displeased with something I ate.  Just mild cramping really.  An hour later I was submerged in a warm bath hoping that that might alleviate the now worsening discomfort.  It did not.

The vomiting started very shortly thereafter.  Then the diarrhea.  Then both at the same time (a marvelous feat of multitasking straight from the depths of hell).  I had no idea my body could even hold so much inside it.  Around 11 or so, I realized I had some anti-nausea meds upstairs.  I made about half the climb and then curled up for a bit.  I next recall slowly lowering myself to the bathroom floor and coming to a brief time later.  Around 1, I was in serious internal debate regarding an ambulance and a trip to the hospital.  Thankfully the nausea pills starting to master at least that aspect of the illness.  The rest of the evening was spent alternating between sleeping, running to the bathroom, sweating, and shaking.  It was awesome!  From what I have been reading, it was like as not the Norovirus.

Thankfully, as I write this, I am mostly better.  Still not back to normal, but at least moving in the right direction.  My sincere hope is that neither Tia nor Q share in the joy.  Lots of handwashing, bleach, and general avoidance.  One day this year I am bound to feel good.

In other news, nothing to report at work.  Have still not headed to the Park.  This is largely due to the limited patient volumes there and the new gal's need to learn the minute details of the position.  She is doing very well and is extremely competent, but has to learn all the ins and out of clinical nursing and there are so many to cover.  They are still talking about the possibility to adding a second body to the clinic, but it is unclear if that will be an RN, be full time, or be anytime in the nearish future.  Would be nice if it happened though.

Q had his first swim lesson today.  Did not go as well as hoped.  Not for anything that Q did though, it was just WAY too cold.  Tia pulled him about half way through the 30 minute group lesson, teeth chattering and feet kind of blue.  Evidently the temps were supposed to be about 5 degrees warmer than it was.  Kind of a bummer because we really thought he would love it.

Back to resting.  Stay well everyone.

Christmas spirit

For whatever reason, I just couldn't get into the holiday spirit at all this year.  Well, actually I assume the reason is Q.  I know he is certainly why we were too tired to carve out space and take the time or expend the energy to decorate......at all.  We literally put up nary a piece of tinsel.

Still, it was a pleasant enough day (by Portland winter standards that is, which is to say no more awful than any other winter day here), and I didn't have to work, but I guess I am used to the holiday being somewhat relaxing.  We generally go over to Tia's folks and slowly open gifts, eat, and talk.  But, now with a baby, almost all of the time is spent trying to keep Q occupied and happy.  Going up to the store is sometimes difficult, but putting together a string of hours (because he does not sleep well at home, but sleeps FAR worse away from it) is exhausting.  This weekend we really pushed it too.

Saturday night, we went out to a gathering with some of Tia's workmates.  Her boss (who hosted) has two preteen sons who could not have been better with Q, but even with their help, he had a somewhat hard time being up and out past his usual 6pm slumber time.  Then, we had pics taken on Sunday afternoon, for which he was pretty good, though required an incredible amount of cajoling.  Sunday night he was in mostly meltdown mode at a family Xmas party.

I don't mean to frame it as a complaint.  I know that it isn't like he is willfully being a difficult baby.  He just is.  You might as well blame gravity for the rain falling down.  It is just, well, tiresome.  It makes me feel worn and every minute of my 35+ years.  Seeing his very portable and easygoing cousin today just further emphasizes exactly how much more difficult Q is.

On the positive side, he has clearly been really maturing.  He is definitely starting to chatter more and more, play more actively, and interact somewhat.  He has yet to get to a point where he can entertain himself for more than a few minutes though.  Hopefully soonish.

Have been training the new gal at work.  She seems really nice, though not terribly confident about the clinic as yet.  It still remains unclear how long they will keep me with her, but I hope until she feels comfortable.  Of course, at some point they will take off the training wheels.

Have put in some apps elsewhere with the faint hope that maybe one of them will turn up something.  I know it is always 'the grass is greener' but one of the positions would be a return to an area of real interest, asthma and allergy.  Of course, it is with KP, so I assume I have the same odds of running across Obama at the local Whole Foods.  But, we shall see if I manage to keep up my .000 batting average there.  At least I know it isn't personal, with a number of nurses (including the gal I am training) getting not so much as a call back with many more years of nursing under their belts than I.

Tia is sick....again.  Poor thing has been healthy about 7 days in the past 60.  Not enough sleep, too much stress, and of course no real downtime to rest.  An ideal combination for poor health.  Hopefully her current issues resolved quickly.....for her sake and my own.

I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful holiday.  I am overdue for bed time.....or else tomorrow will be very very difficult.  

Gypsy Curse?

I am 99.9% certain that gypsy curses are not, in point of fact, real.  However, just to cover all my bases, I am going to go ahead and apologize to any and all gypsies that I may have given cause to curse myself, my wife, or my child.  Please let us know what, if any, animal sacrifices, ancient blood rites, and or formal letters of apologies are warranted.

You see, I have spent the past week beginning with a sore throat, GI upset, and malaise and culminating in nausea and vomiting (mostly the former which precludes the latter by limiting intake) and of course a overriding fatigue from a diet of not much more than thin soups and white breads.

Tia has been sick for better than a month and never seems to fully recover.  She has had a long term sore throat, hacking cough, and associated fatigue (exacerbated by never getting a full night of sleep).

As for Q, well I have tried to document his struggles as best I can (along with his successes).  Unfortunately, after we thought we turned a corner, it appears we have just run into another corner.  He has seemingly been experiencing even more GI problems.  He is eating less, spitting up more, and seems to be having a lot of discomfort.  Tia has a call in for him to have some perhaps more invasive GI tests to see if there is something physically wrong.  He fortunately has a little room to backslide, but not terribly much.  I certainly fear he will end up returning to the hospital at this rate.

I hope better posts follow.  Right now there isn't much positive to report.

Fat Baby (or at least back on the growth curve)

Though Q is fighting some kind of gastrointestinal distress (as is the entirety of our household, thankfully save the feline members since I would no doubt be charged with clean up), he has made remarkable gains with the new formula regime.  On the 29th of November, he was 10lbs flat.  Now, less than 2 weeks later, he is 11lbs 14oz.  He put on nearly 3 ounces a day!  He is back on the growth curve (granted, at 5%, but still).  The picture above was taken just 2 days ago after 9 days on the new formula.  Seeing is believing.

Have another appointment in a month.  Hope things keep moving in the right direction.  Only downside to the formula thus far is that it REEKS (going in and coming out).  But, we will take it as a fair trade off.

Nothing else to report other than I was watching many hours of a tattooing reality show today while lying supine in a state of near unconsciousness and I learned that people can (and do) get their tongues tattooed.  Just thought I needed something non baby-related in here.

More to come as always.