Floating

Floating. It sounds so ethereal. Pleasant. Benign. Unfortunately, it feels nothing at all like that.

Floating is just another rut in an already too rutted road. Another job related downer in a job market where just having a job, any job, is supposed to be a celebration of sorts. The proverbial, thats whats for dinner, if you don't like it then you get nothing.

Since I work at a hospital with 5 distinct sites, it is conceivable that you might land at any one of them rather than your own. Great if you love travel I suppose, but none affords much a change in scenery. Same shit, different place really. I spend most of my floating hanging out at the big bad in NoPo which, not mincing words, I abhor. I always feel lost there. Like I often did in school. Armed with too little information and not enough skill to do what was expected. Compared to my little park, the big bad is exactly that: higher acuity, higher diversity, and higher complexity. I never feel so much like I accomplish much there......but more so tick it off of my list for the day, thank my lucky stars that I won't be back for another week or two, and count myself fortunate to have survived the experience without screwing anything up too badly.

So, perhaps I should count myself fortunate to be floating on the next schedule to the land far-far away........that I will refer to as Nearly Troutdale (or NT). NT is a like sized hospital to the one I most frequently occupy, but on the complete other side of town. Better than an hour drive each way amongst traffic that I have no favorable words for and an even poorer disposition towards.

The whole thing just makes me sad. I took a job where I truly enjoy being........around people I genuinely like.........in a hospital that fits me. And yet, the economy looms large and I am left with a job that finds me feeling often lost around people I don't know in hospitals that I would never opt to work at. But, in the end, what can you do? You can complain and bitch and moan, but you cannot change the facts. You can look around, but the field is barren. I guess I just miss it. I miss having the job that I really enjoyed being at. I wonder if it will ever come back. Part of me doesn't believe it ever will.

One thing I do know however is that, until it does come back, I guess I will just be floating.