1 year

Quinn is now 1 year old.  1 year removed from that night that is still seared into my memory for its general confusion, borderline hysteria, and a gnawing fear that we wouldnt all make it out okay.  Mercifully we all did. 

 

What followed was 4 months (plus probably a few weeks) that remain somewhat fuzzy in retrospect.  Did I really stay up nights until 330 in the morning with him?  Did we really sleep as little as it seems?  Was it as bad as I remember?  All I can be sure of is that it wasnt pleasant and at times, perhaps much of the time, it seemed like it wouldn't ever end.  

 

And then, slowly at first and then with increasingly alacrity, it did.  The 'formula' that changed everything.  Yes there was still reflux.  Yes there were still times of screaming with seemingly no cause, but it was less and less and much more manageable because of it.  He started putting on weight and stopped needing to be bounced up and down trampoline style following each meal.  The world began to be more or less 'right.'  

 

Since then things have rarely been easy and have become constantly different.  There is no more 'sleeping in' on the weekends.  There is no such thing as a 'quick run to the store' nor a few hours spent going from place to place.  Our house is always 'messy', even when it is not.  Our pets, our yard and our house are much harder to maintain for lack of time (and often fatigue).  Alternately, there is a lot more smiling and laughing.  A lot more adventure.  A lot more experiencing the world in a way I havent since I was a kid myself.  Plus it is fascinating to watch him 'become' a little person.

 

As for whether or not we will opt to repeat this experiment, I still have no idea.  I would say I lean heavily towards 'not a chance in hell', but that would be disengenuous.  Honestly, I don't know.  And, even if I did, time has a way of blunting the edges of resolve.  3 years ago (hell, probably closer to 2 than 3), I would have said that there was not a chance in hell we would have Quinn.  And now I can't imagine it any other way.