The dumbing

I think that nurses are, by and large, a pretty sharp group.  Same for docs.  Same for most of the people I work alongside every day.  But, not everyone smarts or common sense.  For that, we all suffer. 

I have a sticker across the microwave in my clinic that rather emphatically (it is in all CAPS) states ‘POPCORN PROHIBITED.’   I have never made popcorn at work.  In fact, it has never occurred to me to do so.  I suppose it is because I closely associate popcorn with movie watching.  Sans movie, I have no real yen for it.  Evidently my personal predilections are not universal truths or other sites in the building are providing films.  I am guessing the former over the latter.  So, as seems inevitable with popcorn, someone burned it.  This led to a building clearing evacuation.  Therefore, should I someday be struck with the combination of yearning for and access to microwave popcorn, I will not be able to avail myself of such.  Sad.  

More alarmingly, there is a laminated, with pictures mind you, standard sized paper tag hanging from my O2 canister.  It politely begs, “Please do not use an oxygen cylinder when the gauge is in the red.  They are considered empty.”  To those of us with access to modern forms of conveyance like automobiles, this concept is understood.  When your gas tank is in the red, you had best attend to it or revert to more primitive forms of movement like bipedal ambulation or, at the very least, the use of your opposable thumb to flag down someone with a more comprehensive understanding of the need for fuel in order for the combustion engine to perform.  For those of us without such experience, they provided pictures (a slightly enlarged version of the gauge that appears approximately 24 inches higher up on the cylinder itself).  I guess they hope you will be smart enough to parse this information out in spite of, I imagine, a significant impediment to your reasoning and comprehension skills.    

Most recently they sent out a list to attend to when using Alaris pumps.  Alaris pumps are used for all infusion medications to modulate the drip rate.  This can be done manually, but is far less efficacious.  The email provided a few points such as “Close the Alaris Pump module door first before pushing down on the pivot latch.”  This is akin to saying, close the door before locking the deadbolt.  Dumb enough to be sure, but only the penultimate point of stupidity.  The prime example lies in another point which states, “Do NOT use the device if it is physically damaged.”  That’s right folks, do not use broken, non-functioning equipment. 

So, in summation,

1. Don’t burn popcorn in your microwave (to be safe, just don't use it at all).
2. Don’t hook up an empty oxygen tank to an oxygen dependent patient.  This will not help them.
3. Don’t use broken machines to put medication in your patients. 

I will now spend the rest of my afternoon with my head in my arms quietly sobbing to myself as I know, much in the same way that they have to tell you that even if your shampoo smells strongly of raspberry you still should not eat it, that these ‘reminders’ were sent out because someone somewhere clearly needed them.  You know what, maybe we should all have a good cry.