On how I found myself looking at cotton diapers on a Saturday night

I have to admit that I would have laid impossibly long odds even a year ago that I would have found myself in the situation above. But there I found myself after a day spent shopping for maternity clothes and looking at compact SUVs, which will have more room than our current car, intently listening to a saleswoman explain in detail how each brand (and there were numerous) works and how to use them. We also learned about a bunch of classes including those about baby wearing and are planning on attending some at the same store. 2012 is going to be strange. Really really strange.

I should also say that on that same day we started at the gym, managed to test drive 4 cars, had pretty amazing thai food, and finished it with a visit to the spa. Even the diaper store was a happy accident. So, while strange, it was a pretty damn good day as well.

Speaking of cars: got to drive the Subaru Forester, Honda CRV (ex), Kia Sportage, and a slightly used 2011 VW Tiguan. Surprisingly, we liked the Forester least. It is a nice, solid car, lots of windows and a spectacular full length sun roof, but fell a bit short (in our opinion) of the others. The Kia was really nice, but had poor visibility and the highest sticker price. The CR-V felt the largest, but was very solid, nice enough interior and the most storage space in the class. The Tiguan I have to say would be the VERY top choice for me if it weren't so expensive and takes premium gas............but what a BLAST to drive. So fun and very 'upmarket' interior. The roof rack whistled annoyingly though. Still a few more to try (Hyndai, GMC Terrain, Rav4) and then we will probably just play the waiting game for the right time. Nicest salesperson ever though.

As for diapers, it is a pretty complex thing evidently including (but not limited to): disposables, disposable inserts, and all manner of cloth exteriors with velco or snaps, with sizes and one size fit all, and all manner of inserts including all in ones. They range for $10-$12 for a shell and a few dollars for the inserts (evidently you don't need many shells, but you need 12-24 liners) to $20/ea for the all-in-ones. Overall, it is evidently about a $400 up front cost and then you are good for the duration of diapering vs. about 4x that for disposables over the same time frame. Anyway, if I come up with any revelations I will post them here.

Last week for my boss then, well evidently, no one will be there. They are eliminating the position per my boss and that means a director will be over the department. How that will work site to site is beyond me just as I wonder who will approve our vacations and discuss the state of the department. Plus, with wound care leaving in March and with one less full time floor position at EM, we are going to be very very thin for the clinic. I still see that as something that will be ending, but hopefully not until November.

More to come as events warrant.

165 degrees

I was heating up a microwaved meal for lunch and the instructions on the back state: "be sure to heat up the product to an internal temperature of 165 degrees as measured by a food thermometer in several spots" Um, say what? Assuming that the bulk of these meals are eaten at lunch, away from home, how many people have readily on hand a food thermometer? And, assuming that this is truly a safety risk, what the hell is in my prefabricated micro meal of macaroni and cheese that could prove dangerous otherwise? Frankly, I am a little worried.

Speaking of worries, an impending baby creates whole new avenues to divert my love of researching and over-researching products. I am floored at both the wide spectrum and equally wide price range of crib mattresses alone. Do you want a one sided or dual sided? Innerspring, foam, or latex? What about a little of each? How waterproof do you want it to be and, if so, what material is okay for waterproofing? You might buy an 'eco friendly' mattress, but find that it is only slightly less, for lack of a better term, 'toxic' than one that is not. Some people will rave about the 'natural' qualities of a certain brand, while others will decry it for using an adhesive bonding agent somewhere in the manufacture that will, evidently, slowly poison and/or mentally impair your little one. If you don't care about any of these things, or consider them to be as made up as ghosts or moderate Republican presidential candidates, you can get a mattress for under $65. If you believe with a vigor generally reserved for a Tim Tebow prayer session that any contact with something treated with chemicals would lead your little one to remedial classes and a hopeless life of criminal behavior, you can spend well over $400. The gray area of course is the stuff that lies in between. How much constitutes a modicum of concern and what rates as extreme overkill. Considering that there are various other 'exposures' such as the materials used to build the crib, the carpet or hard woods in the floor, the substances the clothes and sheets are made out of, etc....does the mattress really matter at all if you aren't going to go all organic non-toxic with everything? One thing is for certain, no matter what you pick there will be some flaws and it will lead inexorably to the downfall of western civilization as we know it. You know, if you believe in that sort of thing.

Thankfully, there are only a few dozen (hundred) other items to research. Ugh.

We have a decision! (just possibly/maybe not the final decision)

Much has been written here about the impending Layoffs 2012 here, largely because that has been dominating my own myopic professional landscape. I have heard from others outside the profession who still believe that nursing is as portable a profession as any and that there is a clamor for our services, but that is simply not true. Not here in Portland anyway. The market has shrunk for the coveted positions inside of hospital systems, primary/specialty care clinics generally hire nurses cheaply or, more frequently, not at all (not when a medical assistant can do 80-90% of the work of an RN in a primary clinic at 40% of the cost). So, what you are generally left with are the crumbs that few truly covet: long term care facilities and psychiatric facilities. Both pay far less than they should and both generally offer pretty poor levels of job satisfaction.

Additional to the dearth of positions, nursing as a whole is not so fluid as one would think, which is compounded by the fact that when your career is in it's nascency you aren't exactly faced with an embarrassment of options. When I accepted a position in my department I looked at it as a foot in the door, but really it might as well have been a foot in some quick drying cement. I am now an IV nurse and, whatever my thoughts are on the subject and however much they may wax and wane over the course of my career, I am not likely to get very far away from this. Had I started on a surgical floor or an oncology unit, I would be saying the same about that. It takes an effort of will and knowing some people in decision making positions to move into another field.

So, as you can see, the thought of losing my position in the hospital was not one that I particularly relished (though I did have brief joyous thoughts of being free of work). Thankfully, the initial wave has finally passed (with a thin possibility of more changes by the mid February deadline). We ended up losing a full position at my home hospital (our newest full time nurse was let go and another one lost a shift a week). Additionally, the wound care nurses whom I share the clinic with, will be moved to the basement in the chronic wound clinic by early March (they are also moving to 7 days a week, alternating weekends). So, what this means to me directly is that I will be losing my second nurse (something I am required to have to administer medications) and I will be needing to use our floor staff for that purpose, a floor staff that is now short one person. I am awaiting the ensuing problems that this will invariably cause.

The other news (well, more or less speculation than anything) is that my boss received a rather ominous phone call requiring a meeting with the head nursing honcho on Monday. She, of course, fears the worst. While I don't think she is an exemplary manager, she is at least pleasant and generally supportive. Of course, maybe it will turn out to be nothing (which I hope for her sake, as she is the sole support for 4 kids). I am sure she will be suffering from an inordinate amount of stress this weekend.

Switching topics, we finally ate at a local place called Frank's noodle house this past weekend where they make their own hand pulled noodles and it was flipping fantastic. I have mostly dismissed the concept thinking that, well, noodles are noodles. They couldn't be more different. Chewy, dense, and delicious. Oh, and pretty cheap to boot. Not much on atmosphere though.

Tia's pregnancy continues well. Some mild nausea (sporadic) and generalized fatigue still plague her, but no severely limiting symptoms of either. However, I think she would argue against the concept of pregnancy being even remotely 'magical'.

still waiting for a decision

As with all corporate decisions, the phrase 'hurry up and wait' seems to pretty much sum things up. They were going to make the decision about the layoffs in mid-January (and enact them by mid-February). Now I hear late January or, possibly, mid-February to make the determinations and who knows when they will be enacted. I think I, along with most others, just wants them to make what announcements they are planning to and just moving along with it. The waiting is far worse than knowing would be.

As for my specific position, at least it remains consistently inconsistent. I have spent the past couple weeks in a relative fugue state, bouncing between not working at all and working more hours than I am schedule to with no seeming rhyme or reason to either course. I don't blame anyone for this of course, I know that those running the show are trying to be equitable and not put an undue financial burden on anyone in particular..........but it is somewhat hard to bear just the same, mostly because it is seemingly so haphazard. I often don't know much in advance if I am working the whole day or part of it or where I will finish the day once it begins.

I spent the past two days at different sites with yesterday being the kind of ultimate in yo-yoing. They asked me to come in early to start on the floor. I did, and then spent the next few hours there until we needed to add someone at the clinic. I added them for 1, but then was told that I needed to go to the Park to help out by 1, so I had to call my 1pm patient and reschedule him for, well, immediately (which thankfully worked for him). So, I ran to the clinic, opened it up and set up the supplies, performed the procedure and then shut it all back down again, ran to lunch and then spent the rest of my day in Tualatin covering for a sick call there. I am trying to be 'flexible' and help out, but it is quite wearying. But, work is work and I guess in this beggar's market, being choosy isn't in the cards. At least, for the most part, I like what I do and I try to remember the good things like when a patient calls me 'their hero' for getting IV access that no one else seemed to be able to find. It is the nice thing about having a specific skill.

From the home front, things are going pretty well. Tia is feeling less tired in general and things are progressing quite well. I have been home more and doing more around the house when she cannot (plus, I genuinely enjoy house work, it is somehow almost zen like, like when I exercise. I can block out pretty much everything else in my head and just accomplish tasks). I don't know if I would want to completely excise out working, but I would certainly be more than content to spend more time on the house and, eventually, the garden and less time roaming around the hospital.

Speaking of hospital, I seemed to have picked up some kind of bug there. Time for my weekend nap and, hopefully, waking up feeling slightly less like a pile of dog crap. More to come as always.

Anything new?

Well, it is 99.9% official, looks like I am going to be a dad. It is, honestly, terrifying, exciting, surprising (some would stay astonishing considering my previous lack of interest in the concept) and terrifying again. The upshot is that we have a long time yet to acclimate to the concept. The truth is I think I will need every month of it. I suppose you can never truly be ready though nor accomplish all the things you hope to prior to having a child (more travel, less debt, etc.), but at least I am more ready than the dads on Tia's 'Teen Mom' show. Aim low.

Work remains mysterious at the moment. I am flexing a lot (about a full week of hours in the past 3 weeks) and there is no solid answer on who or how many will be jobless soon. I am trying to take a glass half full approach though and hope that by being flexible now, I will be employed later. I would gladly give up 100 hours this month if it meant I had a

job the next. I will update as I hear of course.

Went snowshoeing this weekend for the first time since my initial trip out at Mt. Bachelor with a group of 4 other people from Tia's work. Was a

hell of a lot of fun, incredibly sunny and warm too. It was nice to exercise outside for once. Plus, much more fun than running in place on a treadmill. The most bizarre part were the birds. Thinking that there was no way they would fly and take food from my hand, I held up a piece of cracker and one flew and took it from my hand.......then another and another. It was really bizarre and made me feel like I was on some kind of nature show.

Saw the movie Drive this weekend as well. All I can saw is that it was nothing like what I thought it would be. Scant dialogue and languid pacing in the first half, hyper violent the second. It wasn't bad, but I can't recommend it either. An experience for sure.

2012 (almost)

I guess we will find out if the Mayans and/or Roland Emmerich are right and the world will cease, but I am betting that maybe a culture that counted on human sacrifice to appease their gods was not terribly prescient, but I guess we will find out in December.

There is little to add to my work drama of late. They are still planning on laying off 400 people (or otherwise eliminating those positions by inducements to early retirement and hiring freezes) and there is still no clear answer as to how many of our team might be affected. You can worry about it, but it isn't going to change anything. So, in the interim, we are moving from 'no flexing no matter what' because we wanted to preserve the notion that every hour is necessary to 'get the eff out of here as soon as you can.' So, I ended up flexing out about 40% of this past week. Left early on Monday, cancelled on Tuesday, worked all day Wednesday and left a hair early the last 2 days. Thankfully Tia is not dealing with the same, so it isn't like we will be in the bread line anytime soon. Not sure how long the flexing will continue though.

Other than that, had a nice holiday weekend (bummer that there was no 'holiday' extended time off, but nothing can be done about it) and am looking forward to a, hopefully, fresh start with new adventures in the coming year. Until then, cross em that my neck doesn't hit the chopping block.

Happy New Year!

reckless

Continuing with our new annual tradition, my employer announced that they will be laying off 400 people (or at least 400 FTE, which is the same thing cumulatively). It remains unclear if any of these will be from my department or not, though of course the speculations are running wild (as they should be since my department is considered auxiliary). At this time last year everyone in my department was interviewing to keep their jobs, and quite a few were eliminated. This year, the threat hangs over the department once again. Some holiday traditions I would gladly abandon.

Interview netted nada. At this point, though I haven't heard word one, I am pretty sure I was not selected for the position. It isn't that big a deal, but it would be nice to be the one making the choice instead of being made for me.

Will be spending even more time at the Park in the next couple weeks. Getting very tiresome, but I am reluctant to say 'no' (see above) at this point in time. I wish we had more patients.

In other news, Tia and I saw a play over the past weekend at a local theater. The acting was fine and the set pieces were simple but versatile, but god help me it was effing weird. As succinctly as I can state it the play was about the following: An over-exuberant excessively garrulous woman begins by exclaiming her love of Christmas on Christmas eve. Her husband, appearing distressed, tells her she ought to run because he hired a hit man to kill her that night. She runs. She meets a guy at the gas station pay phone and, wearing nothing but her nightgown and robe, boards his car and they head to his home where he lives with his paraplegic deaf/mute wife. She moves in with said couple and starts to work at their nonprofit with them. They go on a game show where the don 'planet' hats and win $100K. Her estranged husband sees her on said show and finds her the following Xmas. Her husband finds the deaf/mute die from poison champagne (and the deaf/mute was neither, only pretending to be so for her husband). The main gal now runs away with the guy she met at the quick stop, who proceeds to drink nothing but champagne for a year. He dies the following year on, you guessed it, Christmas day. The main character then becomes a mute herself for 6 years living in a shelter. She speaks once and then goes to a talk show where she watches the guest on the show get shot by a man in a ski mask. She then goes back to school and becomes a psychologist. A patient walks in who turns out to be her son (and her other son turns out to be the shooter from the talk show). He becomes her patient on Christmas eve. The end. Should be interesting to see their interpretation of twelfth night.

As always, more news when it becomes available.

the interview/work as usual

The interview with KP was, well, long. It was a four person panel interview that entailed a round robin of questions from a 2 page long (front and back) worksheet of sorts that they asked questions off of and, presumably, rated my answers. The questions varied from the inane basics of patient care to questions more obtuse and much much more specific in nature. I am not sure how well I did, nor what it means if I did particularly well. I know they are planning on making a decision next week and, should I be selected, it remains unclear on whether or not I would accept. I would certainly consider it though, especially after another day like today.

Nothing unusual about today really...just the perpetual schizophrenic nature of the job. To try to distill down the hours of meetings, might prove less than revealing, but the idea is that I need to schedule more patients and schedule them in a more condensed way somehow. I need to do this despite having no actual patients to schedule, on account of us always being closed, never having adequate staffing, and being nearly invisible to most clinics who might otherwise refer to us. We plan to solve this issue by wishing it were different I guess. Will it actually ever be different? The magic 8 ball says to 'ask again later'.

Oh yeah, and we will be closed tomorrow so I can help at the Park again. Bah!

Tales of clinic closures

Just a quick post:

Starting to flex again at work. Not just me but everyone. Low census. Not a big deal really, but it was weird to come back from vacation and then work a 3 hour day. Is a pleasant surprise when it doesn't occur often.

Closing the clinic again on Monday for at least part of the day. Will be going to the Park for at least a portion of the day if my clinic stays slow. Because, you see, they are busy. Hence, we close my clinic. If patients/doctors call..............tfb. Yet another way to 'expand the clinic' by making it more exclusive' through diminishing operating hours and limiting the amount of patients. Maybe it is a coherent plan after all.

Interview on Tuesday night for the IV job with KP. Sounds like it will be a panel interview. Will be interesting to see how it goes and, if it goes well, what that will mean. Of course, I will write about it here.

Bend

It has been some time since we have been down to Bend. There is much to like, but there isn't much to Bend. It's compact. Quaint. But, because it is a tourist destination, there is more there than would normally be the case in a town that side. Either way, absence indeed makes the heart grow fonder.

As for Cricketwood, it was as nice as ever. The rooms are comfortable with all the amenities you could want (or think of really), the place is neat and well kept, and the owners are always friendly. But, most of all, we go for the incredible food. Between the cookies every night (with beverage choice), the morning coffee/tea service, and what has to be the most incredible selection of breakfast food outside of a full service restaurant, you definitely get your money's worth. If you are ever in Bend, I cannot recommend it enough.

The weather, as always seems to be the case, was clear, crisp, and cool. Mid 50s and sunny. Just wonderful. Why can't they have actual jobs there?

Back in Portland, some moderate 'news'. I had an interview today with KP outpatient infusion. Unfortunately, it was not a good fit on either side. The infusion part I have plenty of experience with. But, they also wanted ostomy care, foley catheter care, wound care, and pediatric experience. Honestly, I am not sure how many people will hit all the points. However, I was frank with them that it wasn't experience that I had and wasn't something I was altogether interested in. They also let me know that I wouldn't be a fit. On the upshot, they are sending my resume along to the infusion department. An interesting possibility.

Then, the same afternoon, I got a call from the hospital IV team with KP. The position in question is a part time and overnight. The upshot is that it is a foot in the door with KP, the pay (with differential) would be about $7 an hour more (potentially more than that if I work a weekend shift) and at the part time position I could still make a good salary. Plus, the benefits (and retirement) are better. The downside, obviously, is that the hours are pretty awful (1045pm to 730am). They at least block schedule, so I would (assuming I interview and am offered that is) work 2 in a row, then off for 4, then on for 4, off for 4. Ostensibly, I can flip my schedule and readjust it as needed. More to come as events warrant of course.

See you in December.

Revenue

I haven't posted much lately. It isn't that there is nothing to post (time spent with friends and family doing enjoyable things like eating delicious food), but largely because I have been feeling a lot of fatigue and generally kind of down. It is the winter after all and the recent time change has made it all the more abrupt. Frankly I already miss the sun..........and I know I have a LONG way to go before it returns to us for any length of time.

So, rather than dwell in my general malaise here on this board, I will just say I am working on it. Vitamin D supplementation started. Digging out the SAD lamp. Exercising when I can get the time/motivation to coincide. Plus plenty of beer and wine (not sure if that is a long term solution, but it helps short term :)

Other than that, work continues to confuse me. I am getting help when I need it now, which is a pleasant change of pace. Even managed a blood transfusion that went pretty well (I have done many previously, but none since the install of the new computer system which does not make easy work of charting/ordering blood products). Overall I think it will help the bottom line as well as my sanity. Of course, I also learned that the amount of revenue I am supposed to generate and the amount of revenue I do generate are not equivalent. I am, evidently, running at about 75-80% of what counts as break even. Hence the new found focus on generating more revenue...........er, or so I thought.

You see today I was informed that I ought to reschedule my Friday patient because they need me at the Park to help out due to under-staffing and over booking. Additionally, I am going to be away for a few days in Bend, so we are going to close those days as well. In summation, we are going to close Thursday to Wednesday and generate $0 in revenue. The 'cost' to operate the clinic remains static however (even if you deduct the cost of staffing it..........which isn't factored in). In order to break even, we need to see about 3 patients a day (obviously dependent on type of infusion, but it works as an approximation). Seeing no patients not only hurts that day, but generally causes a level of consternation amongst both my patients and the providers who refer to me.

As usual, there isn't much I can do about it. I still figure it is just a matter of time until it ceases to be worth operating and, at that point, I guess I will have to consider what my options might be. For now, I am just trying to make it to the weekend.

doors

Since this blog was (is?) supposed to reflect my work life/nursing experience, I thought it would be an opportune time to reflect back on my new (is it still new?) career.

It began inauspiciously with a brief, and horrid, experience at a local hospital (I won't name them but it resides in Oregon City). The memories are fuzzy, but I mostly remember it for what it was not rather than for what it was. What it was not was organized. I ended up being 'mentored' by an average of 4 different people a week. That alone would not have been horrid had those 4 had any overlap during the week. Instead, I built no foundation with any of them nor they with me. So, they had little idea of what I knew (not much) and what I needed to learn (cavernous). The words frantic, harried, and nauseated come most readily to mind. I didn't last long, but I was kind of glad for that as I fit the position as poorly as I fit a pair of 28" skinny hipster jeans. I openly wondered what the hell I had gone and done with my life.

Thankfully, the day I decided to quit the hospital gig I got an interview with an outpatient allergy clinic, which shortly thereafter turned into a job. It paid less, the benefits were not great, and the hours were a bit haphazard, but I liked it for the most part (as much as one can like a job anyway). I learned a lot about working with patients, practiced some skills I would need in the profession, and worked with a pleasant group of people. Only, A + B did not equal C unfortunately. I was not earning enough to pay for all those loans I took out to get my shiny new career and the benefits quickly began to erode as soon as I became eligible for them. At the time, Tia was not making nearly as much either, so we couldn't afford for me to not make much. Also, Tia's benefits were eroding as quickly as my own. Those things and the fact that the doc I worked for was pregnant (meaning we would all be taking a month long leave unpaid). So, after about 7 or 8 months, it was time to move on.

Getting into a hospital job is no easy feat. It isn't necessarily related to skill, experience, or knowledge.....though all are helpful. It is as much related to who you know as what you know however. So, when my classmate Bob got an IV job out of school at the hospital, it was an unlikely stroke of luck. The way the application process goes for new nurses is akin to sticking your name on a hat. They took every person who applied to the internship program (which numbered in the hundreds) and stuck them on a spreadsheet which ended up being 7 pages long (this per my manager). They then handed this out to the hiring managers who then picked off the list. Also per my manager, a LOT of those doing the hiring did not consider anyone from out of area because it meant that we would not have done our rotations in this hospital system. As fortune would have it, Bob was picked for an interview doing IVs (though he had not pre-selected it), utterly at random. He got the job.

He started at the hospital at the same time that I started at the clinic. Through my connection to him, I was able to get an interview for an open position that was half clinic/half out in the hospital working with inpatients. I had a lot to learn (still do) but I was able to really learn how to work in the clinic without a doctor present, how to place central lines, put in IVs and an array of infusion meds I had never heard of let alone worked with. After about a year of this, the hospital starting having budget problems as well (thanks to a continually poorly functioning economy) and my hours were repeatedly slashed. Additionally, management conflicts were occurring within the department and outside of it. And I was working a lot of odd days and alternating weekends. I thought maybe a change would do me some good.

Unfortunately that change turned out pretty badly. The only intelligent thing about it was staying within the same hospital system. The job I accepted promised me 36 hours a week (4 full days and one half day) and they delivered on that much. However, they also told me I would be working alongside doctors (a half truth), helping with procedures (a full on lie), and still have the opportunity to work with patients (lets call it a half lie). What it actually was 36 hours a week staring at a computer screen with a headset on talking to patients about their bowel problems. I worked alongside doctors in that I sent and received emails from them all day long regarding patients. After a short while, I dreaded waking up and heading in to work. To make matters worse, we were perpetually short staffed meaning that calls for the dozen doctors were parsed between just 2 of us (and a half day a week each with no one else to pick up the phone calls). It was an endless stream of horrible days. Thankfully, I generally try to stay on good terms when I leave places........something that came in quite handy.

Just about the point I was ready to walk away from the triage job and wait tables if need be rather than sit there for one more day, they realigned my old department and, through some serendipity, the clinic position remained open. I found out later it was because it was largely unwanted (a fact I find amusing since I feel the same way about the floor positions largely), but it fit my skill set well. It was truly a messy transition (which you can re-read if you like) and there was little 'training' to speak of. But, thankfully, it was more about knocking off the rust than it was learning an entirely new position and, in time, the pieces came together.

So, a little more than 3 years in, it has been an uneven ride, but so far I will call it a success. I am no one's boss, but I have very little oversight and a lot of independence, not something I thought would come so soon. I would like to do more, but for now I am content to let it ride until the next door opens in front of me. Only time will tell if it is something better or worse to go through it.

The end of October

Sometimes blogging is easy. Sometimes there is so much going on that the only difficulty is finding the right words to describe them without omitting some major plot points along the way. Other times, life rolls along in a series of mostly congruent days that blend together to such an extent that they are hard to distinguish from one another. Did we have the fish on Tuesday or Wednesday? What day was the day the patient showed up maddeningly early......or late.....or not at all? And is any of this even remotely interesting enough to document? Hell, I am getting a little sloe eyed just typing it.

When there is little to talk about, there is always the weather. So far, is hasn't been too gray. The sun has appeared far more than it has not and what rains we have had have largely occurred while I slept. It gives me hope (tenuous) that this winter will prove less downbeat and overcast (though La Nina may have something to say about that.

Of course, I am particularly sensitive to it. It doesn't take many of those days before I start to feel a bone deep sense of, well, I guess it is hard to describe. It isn't so much that I feel it like any other emotion.........but more like it subtracts something from me. It deducts a sense of genial well-being and overall optimism and amplifies that dark part of us all that sees every nick, crack and imperfection. That part of you that knows, without a doubt, that if you wake up with a sense of foreboding about the day (generally arbitrarily) it will be a shitty day. The glass half empty part.

The even keeled amongst us deal successfully with this sort of thing routinely. I generally do as well. Yes, some days are black, some are white, but most are shades of gray and one event rarely color a day in it's entirety. But, when the weather turns gray and damp, the black bleeds over. To fight it this year, the prescription is simple (yet oh so difficult). Must go to the gym and get the endorphins going. Must try to get out even if the weather is practically begging me to lie in bed. Mostly I just must try to do what I can to not let it get to me.

Got my SAD lamp ready. Bring it on.

the first fall cold

It just isn't Fall unless I get sick..............or Spring, or Winter (you get the point). Anyway, I spent today largely prone and only moving when circumstances compelled me to. Hopefully this is a passing thing. Thankfully, Tia picked me up some good meds, so mostly I just feel a bit spaced out and tired, but not altogether terrible. Yeah meds and yeah wives who run and get them for you before work!

We have mostly been reestablishing our routines and starting the slide into early sunsets and overcast days. My goal this year is to try not to let it get to me. It is the same goal I have every year though, so no promises. There is just something completely wrong about the sun disappearing for so many days (weeks) at a time. I would I just viewed it as an irritation, but physically it get to me as much as any virus would. But, best to start with optimism and proceed from there.

Work remains about the same with it's minor dramas that I rarely hear about until far after the fact and still an overall shortage of staff (and evidently no 'viable' candidates per the supervisor). The wound care side of things if shifting though, which may directly affect me. They share the office with me and do their own thing as I do mine but work as my second nurse for emergencies. As such, they can't leave while I have patients running.......even if they have nothing whatsoever to do. It makes no sense other than we share the same boss. They work as a pair, with one doing the inpatient (hospital) side and one the outpatient (clinic) side of things. Since one of them will be moving over to another hospital, it means they will need to replace her. Only, the plan is evidently to make both of them less than 40 hours a week. In discussions, of which I have not really been a part of, they have evidently talked about closing their side of the clinic a half day weekly. This means that I could not schedule anyone then which leaves me a few options (that I presented to my boss).

My push is to extend the clinic hours, but make it a 4 day a week proposition. I would work 9 hours 4 days a week and open up an hour earlier than I do presently. It makes sense because, for reasons that fail to make any sense to me, the wound care nurses (and again, they are my second nurse) start and end their shifts an hour earlier than I do already. Option B would be to match their half day in the clinic. A further option would be to stay on the same schedule and work the floor the other half of the day we close the clinic. I badly want it to go back to a 4/9 though because it would mean only a minimal financial impact, would give me a full day off during the week so we don't have to cram all our errands in on the weekend, and would largely restore my sanity because I could plan all other appointments on that day and plan to work towards other goals, hobbies, etc as well. Of course, I won't hold my breath. Things seem to change not at all for the most part........or with a whiplash inducing suddenness. I will post an update of course.

The only other thing of note is a general conversation I had with my supervisor. The conversation centered around my asking about a certain medication they want to infuse in the clinic. I called the woman who 'runs' one of our other clinics (and used to be my supervisor) and she advised me that she had never given that med and that she would feel uncomfortable doing it without a second IV nurse. When I brought this up with my supervisor, she seemed to think that the wound care nurses were the second nurse and that should be good enough. She was also concerned that things might eventually come to a head with certain doctor's offices who want to send patients that I refuse to see without a second IV nurse. Initially this kind of pissed me off because I already see some patients that are a little 'iffy' to be doing with wound care as my second and I have to run out regularly to get meds, run labs, etc that are not located anywhere near my clinic. So, I do what I have to do, but god forbid something happen when I step out. But, the truth is that likely NOTHING will be done to change things because: A. no one wants to work the clinic and B. because of point A, they pretty much leave me the alone to make those decisions because if I leave no one wants or knows how to run the clinic. And, honestly, if push came to shove I would just refuse and make them force me out. I am not going to put my license and the patient's safety in any doubt when no one else is willing to do the same.

More to come as always.............time for the night time cold meds in the meantime.

Living on East Coast time

I love to travel. I also hate the actual traveling portion of that equation. I know many other people agree. You have to go through a ridiculous amount of security, you spend hours on layovers, the seating is cramped, they barely bother to entertain you en route and you no longer get even the barest semblance of food (though they have oddly reverted to giving out full cans of beverages), and due to the baggage fees now everyone is trying to carry on an egregious amount of baggage (which also means you are screwed if you aren't an early boarder). Overall it is a joyless experience for something that is, when you think about it, pretty freaking amazing. I mean, for all the misery, you are still being put aloft at over 6 miles up in a heavy steel winged tube with hundreds of other passengers and able to travel thousands of miles in a matter of hours. So, while I may complain, it beats the hell out of driving it.

Coming back has been a bit of a shock to the system. Work was honestly better than I expected with a couple light days and a not overly abundant amount of notes and leftover new orders to deal with. It is mostly the time change (I keep wanting to go to bed around 8 or 9 and waking up well before the alarm clock) and the weather change (the sun stayed back East evidently). So, weirdly, though I know it has more to do with the time of year and being on vacation, I can't help but kind of miss Florida just a little bit. I am sure visiting again in the midst of July would cure that quickly, but the winters sure beat the hell out of the ones here. If I could just figure out a way to snowbird.

Speaking of crazy dreams, Tia just turned me on to a new blog that looks pretty interesting. It is a Portland couple who are working on amassing funds, eliminating debt, and pursuing their shared dreams of quitting their cubicle dwelling gigs to take a year to travel the world. Fascinating stuff. I told Tia it was to her peril to have introduced me to the idea. Like pouring gasoline on the flame of my wanderlust. hmmmmm.

So Many Places

Vacation!

Vacation is possibly the most wonderful word in the English language. It connotes nothing less than happiness, freedom, and high caloric foodstuffs. Vacation is like pizza...........even a bad pizza is still pizza. And, lest we forget, it is most certainly not being at work. Win win!

This vacation was assembled more or less due to convenience. Tia had a conference in Orlando that went from Sunday til Tuesday. So, herround trip flight was paid for, as were hotel transfers, baggage fees, and 4 days at a nice resort hotel. So, why not extend it and take me along for the ride?

The plan, which I followed through with happily, was for me to enjoy the hotel amenities while Tia attended her obesity conference. The hotel largely accommodated. We stayed at a Marriott resort/conference center hotel which had 6 pools, a water slide, at least 3 hot tubs, a golf course (damn shame I don't golf), a state of the art gym (seriously as good as any I have paid to be a member of), and a number of restaurants on site. However, it was also an expensive cab ride (so we learned) to get to pretty much anything else around it and you were not going to get anywhere on foot. As you may assume, they took full advantage of the fact that you were stuck there to jack up the price of any and all services. Internet was $15/day (comped for conference attendees), parking another $15/day for self parking and even more for valet. But, mostly they caught you on the food. It is a shame really, because it is a beautiful resort and one you could easily spend days at just hanging around the grounds and yet I would never be compelled to go back because, despite a price tag of $239/night, very little was included. For half the price you can get much much more.

By contrast, we spent the second half of our vacation at a Best Western near the entrance of Universal (we walked the mile from our door to the entrance of the park itself). The hotel had a laughably small 'fitness room', an average pool, and slightly lackluster furnishings (though it was clearly recently renovated). However, it was also about the same cost for three nights there as one at the Marriott, they threw in free parking, free internet, and a free breakfast. Oh yeah, and if you wanted to use it, a free shuttle to the theme parks at well. And they boasted about 6-8 restaurants within a half mile radius (some within 100 yards). It wasn't high end, but it was far better than I thought it would be and I would definitely go back should I be compelled to visit Universal in the future.

On to the theme parks!

- We began with Discovery Cove on Wednesday. The weather could not have been more idyllic (the entire trip through Friday honestly.....low to mid 80s with scarcely a cloud and low humidity). The park doesn't consist of much. You pay a flat fee and it includes all day access to a large saltwater pool full of stingrays with 6 foot wing spans (seriously impressive and always within touching distance), schools of colorful fish, and a shark tank. You also get to swim in a freshwater lazy river and hang out in an Aviary with the most social birds I have ever seen (they land all over you while you feed them). Probably the most fun part of the day, and maybe the trip, involved us playing catch with some birds that are related to terns and will fetch sticks from the air if you throw them, even taking them from your hands on occasion. Additionally, admission includes unlimited food, beverages (even grown up ones), and snorkel gear. Plus, there are a limited number of people allowed through the turnstiles daily. For additional money, you can have a 'dolphin experience', but we felt badly about it and skipped it. Overall, I would say it was really pleasant, but for the price it isn't something that I can recommend without some caveats, but we really liked it.

- Day 2 found us at Universal Islands of Adventure. It is the newer of the Universal theme parks and has a large array of rides including the new Harry Potter themed area. The park looks great, with the most minute details taken care of (like the trash cans in the Dr. Suess themed area, which were oddly shaped and brightly colored). The rides varied in there levels of success, though all were similarly nonsensically plotted (usually some variation on the theme of going along with the hero on a quest of some sort). The nice part was, as we had hoped, the theme park was largely empty. The longest we waited for a ride was 30 minutes for the Potter ride, but most were less than 5 or 10. We started the day getting drenched on two water themed rides and the rest of the day drying off in the warm sun on the rest of the rides. We ended up doing everything but the hulk themed roller coaster (I have been on it before and found it a bit lurchy) and finished up shy of the park closing. Most notable was the new Potter village, which was very well done and highly detailed (even had Moaning Myrtle talking to you in the bathroom), and the Poseidon adventure.

- On our final day, we went to Universal Studios. The weather finally turned a bit and we had bands of rain that whipped through the area every hour or so. The park was busier since it was Friday, but there was less to see and do so that worked out (plus most rides are fully indoors). Oddly our 2 favorite rides were there, The new Simpson's ride was the most impressive (as was the Shrek 4D, in spite of an utterly nonsensical holding area that seemed entirely devoid of any connection to the ride itself). Also, our least favorite ride, the Mummy roller coaster which was incredibly short and not exceedingly well done. Additionally, they probably ought to just kill off the T2 attraction as it is increasingly dated (especially when Arnold Schwarzenegger is on screen). Overall, still worth it in the context of the discounted pass for multiple parks, but would probably lean towards Islands of Adventure if you had to choose just one to throw money at.

More to come as always.

What's better than a raise? An unexpected raise!

If work were a playground implement, it would surely be a teeter-totter with all its ups and downs. The clinic has been unusually slow of late, so I have been trying to help more on the floor which does little more than reassure me that I am right were I need to be in the clinic. It isn't that it is awful out there, but my god is it different. Essentially, it is just me pushing around a cart and trying like hell not to get lost as I quite literally do not know where I am going most of the time, especially if it is a rarely visited area outside of the normal rounds to begin with (like CT.......evidently somewhere in the labyrinth on the first floor diagnostics side......I assume anyway as no signage exists). Then, the PIV starts themselves are often a high degree of difficulty, with one usable arm and littered with bruises from previously blown IV sites leaving you with nearly nothing to attempt at all. You definitely run the gamut from success to abject failure within most hours if not within the shift itself. In short, I will take my cocoon like clinic thank you very much!

Now I just need more patients to show up. I suppose some could be scared off by the fact that we close haphazardly when I am elsewhere, can't take certain patients because we don't have a second nurse, and turn away patients fairly frequently when I am busy and cannot get another RN here to help. Not exactly a business model that ensures success. I mean, would you go to a restaurant that turned you away one day because a server called in sick and so they couldn't seat you even though the restaurant wasn't full? Or if it closed without any seeming reason just because? Or what if they told you they could seat you, but not your partner? I know I would be looking elsewhere to eat. Especially if there was a restaurant right next door that had few of the same complications.

But, to the good, we did get a raise (or will get one starting in October) after a survey of other hospitals concluded that we were underpaid. While I understand nursing is a skilled profession and we do a lot of things that most people would not want to do, I can't say that I felt underpaid at any point since I have starting working in the hospital. Nor can I say that, looking around, our pay structure is lower than other hospitals. However, it evidently must be so as I am certain they wouldn't just be gifting us such a thing. As such, I will happily take my 4.8% raise and be quite content.

Tia's job is unfortunately moving in the other direction. She is over funded for her position, and there seems to be no let up in sight. Her job is different in that she is funded by percentages on different projects. So, in essence, she works for quite a few different people because of it. So, person A may fund 65% of her time and person B 35%, which would work out well. However, she also has person C for 25% and person D for 15%. So, when you get down to it, she has 40 hours to do 56 hours of work a week. I can't say I truly understand how it works, because to me it would seem like they would logically cap this number at something like 100% (reasonable) or 110% for short durations if needed and make that a hard cap. So, if you want or need to work on person's D's project, you have to reduce your time on another project accordingly. The other variable that makes that difficult however is that the projects don't have consistent start and end points and percentages vary within the span of a project as well. In short, it is a logistical nightmare. Suffice to say, it is all driving Tia a little batty, especially since the person with the bulk of her project time is rather unyielding and seemingly hopelessly daft. The kind of person whom would give you a dollar and then say she wants 2 items that each cost 75 cents and then suggest you find a way to make that happen.

In other news, we finally broke down and bought 2 real honest to goodness bicycles after coming to the mutual conclusion that our current bicycles, while in every sense bike-like (wheels, pedals, and all that good stuff), were woefully insufficient for our purposes. Now, I am not going to contend that I am a 'bike person', but in order to work towards becoming one my ride needs to be one I don't dread with every fiber of my being. We started out with some cheap bikes from, I believe, Kmart. The price is lost to me, but I know they cost less than $175 for the pair. They rode about as well as you might expect. I suppose it was quicker than walking, but only just, and far less pleasant. After selling them off, we bought some nicer bikes, more than doubling our initial investment. However, though they are twice as good (perhaps more) than the cheap pair, they were still heavy and a struggle to ride. Certainly, at no point, were we compelled to ride them for any purpose other than to work and to home and even then not with regularity.

As is my wont, I started to do some research and gather opinions. There is consensus about getting what you pay for, but not necessarily how much you should pay. From experience we now know that buying the cheapest bike is not necessarily the most advantageous decision. The same could be said of shoes, or cars, or on and on really. But, there is also a decrease in the utility of that statement over a certain dollar figure. A nice, solid pair of Danskos will last you a few years of very routine wear and, for this you will pay about $120. Or, you could buy a $50 pair of shoes that will last you 6-8 months. Or, you could by a designer pair of shoes for $500 that will last just as long as the Danskos but have more flash. For me, it is worth it for the Danskos, not for the designer shoes. I have no compunction to say, ride competitively so the benefit gained from spending more than $12-$1500 for a bike would be marginal for me (and they evidently go up to $10K). We finally settled on visiting an outlet of one of the local bike shops and, hopefully, we have found our matches in the $600 range (originally $850). They are lighter than our old bikes by far, have better components for easier shifting, more gears, and have a better power to effort ratio. In short, by far and away the nicest bike I have ever owned. Now I just need to get some spandex!

Let's get down to brass tacks, how much for the chimpanzee?

What does the title have to do with anything? Well, nothing. Just misdirection. Something to get you to read wondering about how one goes about purchasing a chimp or thinking about reading/watching Fear and Loathing. Either are good avenues for fervent imaginings. Certainly better than the droll recounting I will probably give you here (despite far better than that intentions).

I have been shy of my usual verbal self of late. No explanations. Sometimes the words just leave. I like to think they go somewhere fun, because usually they return fully energized (if somewhat scatologically prone).

So, without further ado, lets head full bore into the week that was (and what a week it was)!

Work was work, though slower and more methodical than it has been (and continues to be this week). Was and remains a nice change of pace, though I remain confused by the fact that I can't just call it a day early without some penalty (so long vacation time). I am on board with them paying me for time I am not here, but not with my time. In that case, I am in complete accord with the idea of me not being here and them not paying me for said time. Seems a good agreement and uncomplicated at that since they already don't pay me for the 2/3 of every day I don't spend within the confines of these walls. But, something is clearly lost in translation. Any translators out there?

Life has been pretty fun of late. I tend to get bogged down in the 2/3 (must be the fraction du jour) of the year that the weather vacillates between indifferent and mind-numbingly depressing and give short shrift to the beautiful season(s) in between. The time spent out doors working on the yard (and in my case red/bleary eyed), riding bicycles, jogging, hanging out on restaurant patios, going to parties, eating at cart pods, and generally just being outside.

We spent last Friday night out at said cart pods with current friend and former Realtor Joleen (I say former only because we don't need her services presently, though I would use her again). Cartapalooza 1.0 was born that day (and hopefully will breed many more). At Cartlandia we sampled sliders from a burger savant (something was off about him, though he made a damned fine burger.........especially since he professed to not eating meat) and I got my taste of the weird (as is my predilection) after ordering a lengua (tongue) taco for a buck and then asking what buche might be. Turns out it is pig stomach. Well, if you know me you know it had to be tried. Overall, not a fan. Not bad really, but texturally a bit odd (crispy/chewy). Leaving there we headed for greener, or fried greener, pastures, but were denied fried green tomato BLTs (much to Tia's chagrin) when the cart proprietor informed us they were out of supplies and closing up shop. Joleen grabbed a, per her, mediocre Italian pastry and we were off again to A la Carte on Division and 50th, probably my favorite stop of the group. So many choices, but many were a bit on the heavy side, so we all decided on a Fondue It cart that had some amazing chocolate fondue with fresh made zepolies to dip in it (think mini donuts). Joleen and her date opted for the cheese/sausage combination. They also got a deep fried, chocolate covered piece of bacon with various spices adorning it. Sadly, not a winner. We finished up in a food daze at the last pod group, not having the stomachs to pack in any more despite the tempting options of Whiffies Fried Pies and Potato Champion beckoning (as well as a wood fired pizza place in a cart).

Saturday night we had a great dinner out with Tia's work friend (and my current best foodie buddy) Jen and her partner Cindy at Grain & Gristle. It is a solid meat and potatoes type of place with solid food (like the yummy lamb sandwich with picked onions). We then headed to OMSI to check out a free Yelp event at the museum (the main exhibit was old video games). Free booze, free food, and free access to the museum made a fun, and somewhat informative, evening.

Sunday was football and the aforementioned yard work that, despite the fact that I kind of enjoy doing it, it clearly has no affinity towards me. I was enveloped in a Benadryl haze from about 4pm onward.

So, if you are similarly afflicted, living in the Pacific NW that is, I urge you to soak up every last ray of sunshine and get out there while the getting is good. Cause you know it won't be for much longer.

Next time we'll talk chimpanzees.

Its too damn hot

I suppose there is no such thing as a perfect weather city. I know there are some that come close (San Diego) and some that are so distant from such weather no amount of money could lure me there (Fargo). It is well documented in this blog how much I hate the winter weather here, but generally the summers are pretty damned ideal, even if they are only that way for a short time. The last week or two we have had our annual heat wave, with temps routinely in the 90s. Its funny how that used to not be such a big deal to me (hell, 90 was relatively mild for a summer day in south Florida), but now I wilt in temps that elevated. Another reason I always tell people that 'I am indoorsy'.

But, to thwart the heat, I try to get up and do my runs early. Today while out jogging, I noticed a car with a windshield banner with 'Pimpin aint Eazy' across it. This was maybe 3 blocks from our house. We also have the 'pickers of Piedmont' who come up our driveway to gather recyclables. And then, within a dozen blocks or so, the periodic shootings we read about in the paper. Conversely, all our neighbors are long time residents, and some with very young kids. The newest restaurants are always opening up within the same dozen or so city blocks and there are numerous flip jobs selling quickly in the neighborhood. This, of course, is pretty much East side living. You have to make the trade-offs you are happy with........unless you can afford not to make them at all (we can't). Will be interesting to see how things evolve.

Work is still kind of a drain. I wish it weren't, but I am at the point where a vacation is more or less a necessity than a luxury (though it is that too). The point that all the minor irritations start to become major ones and the only thing you can think of getting the hell out of there at the end of the day. It isn't as though anything has changed, but it is more or less much of the same and therefore just stagnant as ever. I was just told to 'close the clinic' on the Monday and Friday of my vacation because they 'don't have anyone who can work' on my behalf. How can I hope to make anything of the clinic when it is repeatedly evident that it is expendable? I am somewhat surprised that they don't just close it altogether because clearly the revenue stream is not one they are concerned with.

Back to Sunday ticket. What a fun free new toy.

How did it get to be September?

There is (was?) a TV ad for an insurance company (and I have no idea which one, so clearly not the most effective ad) that states "Life comes at you fast." It could not be more accurate.

We have now been in our new house for more than a month. In that time we have managed to pull a compost bin full of weeds and ivy 2 to 3 times over (and counting), paint most of the upstairs rooms and a wall downstairs, buy and assemble a seemingly never end pile of Ikea (or Ikea analog) furniture, hang shelves, and randomly move things from room to room in a seemingly fruitless attempt to find homes for everything we own (which still leaves us with more than 2 completely empty rooms save for some boxes/totes in one and our foster cat family in the other). It is, by degrees, both enjoyable and frustrating, but always takes more time and energy than you think. That said, it is thus far a HUGE quality of life improvement over the last 2 rentals.........at least in my opinion. Of course, we would have been fine with much less space too, probably 25-30% less really. But, its hard to really complain about that.

I spent a day last week (and a few hours the week prior) at the Hood in Gresham. They are the last group to 'go live' on Epic and, hopefully, it won't be another handful of treks out there. I won't hold my breath though. But, all in all, the gal who runs the clinic out there is much savvier, so I don't believe the need will be as great. We shall see.

We tried out a new HH place this past Saturday called Tapalaya, which is a tapas style restaurant with a New Orleans theme. It was somewhat hit and miss, but overall pretty damn good. The drinks were amazingly simple, tasty and cheap ($3 for a Hurricane and $2 for Martinis along with a slew of other discounted libations). The food had some pros and cons. The good: the crawfish fritters were quite good, they had Crystal hot sauce on every table, and the catfish on the po boy was flaky and moist. The bad: the mac and cheese tastes like something I could make at home without any effort (unlike the one at Besaw's which is INCREDIBLE), the bread on the po boy wasn't toasted which meant it started to get soggy quickly, and the beet salad was scant and fairly bland. Will have to try it again.

Saw Super 8 over the weekend as well, admittedly largely because of the Hurricanes at Tapalaya which put driving out of the question. I had heard good things about it though and, ultimately, I would tell people not to go out of their way to see it. Just so-so and immediately forgettable.

I'll leave this random assortment with another song which kind of reminds me of The Flaming Lips by a band called City Light (I have no idea what, if anything, the video is related to though).