Sunday, October 31, 2010

updated..........er, sorta

I havent had a whole lot to blog about lately. Definitely would have a hard time were this a vocation and not just a place to post random thoughts. How do people come up with something daily?

Work has been, well, work. We are finally starting to train the new RN, which means we will finally be at full staff for the very first time since I started working there. What will it mean? Well, no more spending all of Tuesday afternoon on my own. As a funny aside, the on call doc of the day this past Tuesday came over to let me know he was leaving for the day and asked where the other RN was. When I said she was gone for the afternoon and that was what she always did he looked at me rather incredulously and said 'Really? So you take the calls for all the doctors in the entire clinic?" When I answered in the affirmative he responded 'good luck with that!' Not to say I am the only one, the other RN has to do the same for me on my half day as well. My point is that it is freaking bananas! Thank goodness we will finally have a full staff. I hope she ends up staying............at least until I can figure something else out for myself :) In the interim, maybe things will be far less shitty.

I am beyond thrilled that the elections are officially over. I consider myself a dem, but I honestly am developing (have developed) an aversion to all politicians. According to what I read, estimates are that expenditures for the midterm elections were between $3-4 Billion dollars. I know in Oregon, the governor's race accounted for more than $6 million for the incumbent and more than double that for the challenger. Though the data is a couple years old (2007) at that time the Governor of Oregon was paid less than $94K. Lets just guess it is closer to $100K now. Throw in free housing, etc lets generously add another $100K to the total. So, at BEST, we are talking about someone spending 30 times their annual salary (and I realize it isn't their money) to keep a job and someone spending 60-80x the possible salary to unseat that person. Oh yeah, and that is EVERY 4 years, not just a one time deal. How can that NOT lead to corruption and elected officials beholden to the special interests that support them? If Kitzhaber wins (the incumbent) he will owe the unions that kept him there. If Dudley wins, he will owe the wealthy contributors like Phil Knight. The whole thing is just horrible. We all just continue to lose when our leaders don't do whats best for the majority, but do rather whats best for themselves and the people who paid to get them there.

But, as an aside, yeah for no more political ads on the TV and my mailbox stuffed full of the same.

A couple more days to go until the weekend.........almost there. Then Foster Burger with some old friends. Looking forward to it!

Monday, October 25, 2010

frame of mind

I know I use the blog as a place to complain about my job...........and for good reason, as it is a large part of what I do and is depersonalized enough to be relate-able without stepping on anyone's feet. The funny thing about blogs is that, the more people you know who read them, the less you can really say. But, I digress.

I am not a great worker. I mean, I do work hard when I am there, work well with anyone I work alongside, cause little trouble, learn quickly, and generally do a good job. However, I also don't like the tedium of working, lose interest once I have learned my position, and generally fidget like a sugared up toddler at an all day insurance seminar once I realize that movement is only lateral not vertical. This has been a Brobignagian problem in nursing. Because, though there is much to learn, once it is learned, you are pretty much at a plateau until a series of unfortunate events claim those with more seniority. Unlike at my first clinical job where downtime allowed for additional education and there was a focus on a disease process (in that case asthma/allergy), now I kind of learn little bits here and there when there is time, but there is very seldom opportunity to work one-on-one with a doctor to pick their brain or even get to work alongside peers (the only other RN does the same job as I do and we spend, maybe, 5 minutes a day conversing about patient issues or socializing in the least). So, while I am certainly not working on an assembly line at a chicken processing factory, I am not content either. And I don't know how to get there, so I keep looking elsewhere without much success.

I have postulated this before, and I think it may be true, but my general ancy nature related to work may, by and large, be the reason why I revel in the opportunities to move to different cities/countries. Maybe the sense of exploration and wonder I don't get at work, I get by learning the nooks and crannies of new places.

The person I feel the worst for in this is Tia..........because I know she does not share my general ennui with all things Portland and has a job that, while often frustrating, seems to generally offer her variety, challenge, and opportunities. And Tia is a good worker. She really values it in a way that I don't, which is generally as a necessary evil. I can appreciate that and understand why she doesn't necessarily share my flights of fantasy about uprooting and going somewhere else. Instead she gets to listen to my general dissatisfaction, nod in the right places, and hope like hell that I don't bring it up again tomorrow. For my part, I do genuinely try not to.

Until something new happens, I will try to focus and try not to chew my nails to nubs and start habitually popping Xanax to soothe my psyche, even if I am all atwitter on the inside.

Friday, October 22, 2010

"leave me the fuck alone"

When I was walking to work today, I came across a vagrant as I frequently do (Portland is rife with them) and, without provocation she muttered aloud 'leave me the fuck alone.' I have to say, I wasn't even taken aback (crazy people say crazy things), but I did think it relatively apropos. Tia says I have been crabby lately.........but I think my feelings of late can best be summed up by the 5 words the crazy lady spewed forth this morning.

I realize more and more that, while I feel I am doing a good job, I just don't like my actual job. I have been trying to keep more positive about it. I only offer 'advice' so I try not to stress about it when I don't have an answer. However, the sheer unadulterated neediness gets to you after awhile. Call after call after call. Especially on days like today where they flood in like water from a ruptured dam. The only thing I enjoy are the people I work with..........and some days I interact with them so little, I might as well be cloistered off in a closet somewhere. So, I continue to try to find alternatives........and may need to expand that search. I don't like feeling this way and it bleeds to far into other areas of my life (much to Tia's chagrin I am sure). Unfortunately little else in life affords me any real relief from the anxiety I have at the start of each and every day........not because I am concerned about the mystery of what lies ahead, but rather because I know EXACTLY what lies ahead.

I need to eat.........and then go back again. only half a day left before 2 days off.........which I will spend looking for something else to do with my weekday time.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Taco Hell

I cannot say that the most affluent, cultured, or savvy customers regularly partake in dining experiences at Taco Bell, but there is a singular sort of bizarreness that transcends even your average greyhound terminal at the location on Burnside. Dear god in heaven is there ever!

We occasionally (quarterly) get a Taco Bell yen. The last time we did, we lived decidedly in the burbs. This time, the nearest locale was 21st and Burnside.........I am pretty sure it will be our last visit there. I struggle with how to even describe the patrons that accompanied us in this, one of Dante's levels of hell. There was a gentleman who clearly just left a gym........in 1984. Despite the temps in the low 50s, he could not be bothered to hide any of his not undistinguished beer gut behind the paper thin veneer of a white sleeveless muscle tee and some shorts that embodied the word 'short' and would not have looked appropriate on an Olympic runner, which this gentleman was assuredly not. But he, my dear readers, was not the most distinguishable character in this play. In and amongst the assorted white trash, homeless (or nearly so) and crazies (there was a women who appeared to not be having so much a conversation as an argument with herself. It remains unclear who won the argument for those curious enough to wonder about such things), the was a man so transfixing we could not avert our gazes throughout our brief meal.

This man was dressed in garb familiar with most of your urban street people here.......kind of a hodgepodge of reasonably fashionable attire. He entered the eatery, promptly fished a drinking vessel from the trash and filled it with soda. He then got in line and ordered something (unclear) and then proceeded to spend the next 10 minutes at the counter that held the various condiments and plastic ware and unloaded a litany of refuse and assorted hodgepodgery from his pockets and reloaded them with paper towels and what appeared to be every packet of sauce that they had. This was all done in front of the vacuous stare of the cashier whom, I am fairly certain, sees this kind of behavior far too regularly to note it any longer. As an interesting sidebar to this story, the gentleman in question placed his beverage on a table while he proceeded to restock his every nook and cranny and another young indigent (I am supposing) picked up the drink and drank heartily from it. This continued until the first guy came to claim it back, at which point it was handed over as if nothing at all was strange about this. It was, to someone averse to catching and spreading germs, rather repulsive.

I have to say that I think it was a healthy overall decision to go to Taco Bell this evening.......because I think my urge to go again, ever again, may well have been sated.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

NoHo and assholes and assholes and lawsuits oh my

Tia and I decided to head out to NoHo's cafe last nite after neither one of us felt like doing much cooking. This was of course a Groupon outing (as are most of our outings of late). NoHos is a Hawaiian food eatery and, if you are unfamiliar with plate food, it is all pretty similar: pork/beef/chicken/fish (or a combination thereof) marinated in Korean or Japanese flavoring alongside 2 scoops of white sticky rice and 1 scoop of macaroni salad. Vegetables are decorative if they exist at all. Oh yeah, and the meat is usually served by the metric ton. NoHos does this as well as anyone I suppose, but no better. And, since they charge about 50% more than the place right up the street from us, it is unlikely we will be back. The only difference is the place by us is outdoor eating predominantly and looks like a converted gas station......only marginally less visually appealing than the interior of Nohos though, which has not taken any great pains. Overall, we left full, the flavors were good, and the meat was plentiful.......but it is no less or no more than I would have felt at any number of eateries serving the exact same fare.

As for assholes, that goes out to whoever in our building had the party that evidently necessitated an angry letter to all of us from ownership. Now, I can't say I even heard this party or had any experience dealing with the obnoxious behaviors listed in it, but really? I mean, I expect the kind of drunk dorm room behavior in the low rent places where 3 college guys are splitting an $800 rent payment between them, but it is weird to think the douchebags live among us (though I have seen them in the halls........they all wear the same clothes so they are easy to spot in the wild with backwards baseball caps, at least one if not both ears pierced, a silver chain, and cars with some kind of homemade looking aftermarket spoiler). Ah well, the good news is they did come down hard on them.........I suspect it won't be happening again anytime soon.

As for lawsuits.........well, none really. But, since Tia did break her ankle on the cruise ship, I can dream of a large lump cash settlement from the cruise line can't I? Ah, if only I was a sleazebag.

Work has been ramping up of late...........cold season is upon us. If I am not fielding calls about colds, it is reactions from the flu shots themselves (which I am 90% certain are psychosomatic). Had security in to escort another patient out yesterday. Will be a few crazies when you have 19K patients. Keeps it exciting!

Speaking of work, I probably should eat something and clean up a bit before I have to go there. Thank god for one short day a week. It is the tendril that helps loosely bind my sanity at this point.

Monday, October 04, 2010

Violetta

We love burgers in this country. Adore them. they have a prominent place on menus throughout the Portland area, from the pedestrian to the gourmet. It is the quintessential American food.....meat, dairy, lettuce, bread. Portable. Customizable. Delicious!

Saying you don't like hamburgers is like saying you don't like movies, or puppies or sunrises......unfathomable. They come is such a spectrum, from the mass marketed mealy but satisfying in a pinch burger chains to insanely wallet busting epicurean fantasies. So, with burgers in our hearts, we trekked to Violetta, one of the newer Portland burger spots.

The concept is pretty straightforward and similar to places like Burgerville and Five Guys, order at the counter off the big board and take a number to your table. The difference is supposed to be in the quality of the food..........and that was frankly hit and miss. The burgers are locally raised as are all the toppings and even the bun is baked here. Of course, that doesn't come cheaply. Even without table service, you can still rack up $25 for 2 burgers, an order of fries, and a couple of beverages (even of the non-adult variety). With price comes expectation. When I plop down $7-$8 for the same at Burgerville or $12 at Five guys for the same basic fare, I expect Violetta to be 2-3x as good.........but they are alas not. The burgers, though well cooked with intriguing toppings like sun dried tomatoes, extended little more than salt to the palate. Texturally it was satisfying, but someone in the back was far too free with the shaker. The sweet potato fires however, were worth every penny. Crunchy, sweet, and salty at once paired beautifully with their house made aoili. Truly decadent and all that I hoped they could be and more.

So, overall, I would take a pass on Violetta. For the same dollars, you can do much better heading down to five guys or hitting up a local happy hour and throwing a few beers on the tab to boot. But..........if you happen to be nearby seeing a movie and fries are your thing, don't hesitate, you won't regret it!

Otherwise, still nursing a cold/sore throat/generally mucky muck that won't go and won't settle in and run its course either. Its a bad houseguest all together. A true bummer when you deal in voice for a living.

My super smart wifey figured out some kind of tax thingy (something to do with points on our former abode) that will net us 800 bones in amended tax return........or more accurately help us take back some of what we paid. Yeah for unexpected money!

Tomorrow is my 1/4 turn at the new gig. Weird. Has it really been that long (or only that long). One day at a time.

Speaking of which, time to let the cold pills do their work. Sleepy time starts now.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

On a boat

Well, the week of vacation, which seemed to take it's own sweet time getting here, evaporated far more rapidly than expected. Overall, any vacation is wonderful by comparison to the alternative, but there are of course the roses and thorns of even the most sublime experiences. So, without further ado:

Roses:
- The sheer size and sense of wonder that glaciers evoke. We had an excellent view of one and it was truly magnificent. Even got to see and hear the glacier calving (large chunks falling off into the water). Truly the highlight of the trip.

- The tour of the lesser traveled parts of Juneau was really pleasant and unexpected. It is nice being able to experience things via cruise ship because it is, relatively, inexpensive. However, ports all look pretty much the same no matter where you are. The same shops full of kitchy tourist crap, high end jewelry, and a smattering of 'local' goods packaged in a way that scarcely suggest regionality.......so it is a rare pleasantry to see more of where the locals live, eat, and what there is that draws them there. I can't say I hope to move there, but it was interesting.

- The food as always, was very good and occasionally excellent in the dining room. The experience in the Pinnacle Grill (the upscale restaurant on board), was uneven but reached higher apexes when it hit them. Best steak I have had in a long time.

Thorns:
- The entertainment on the boat (save the comedian who was the best I have ever seen on a cruise ship......not necessarily a high bar) was spartan and generally uninspired. It was almost like they weren't even trying. Frequently what things they did plan were at the exact same time leaving you to pick one of three activities and then having nothing else to do.

- Food in the Lido (the serve yourself buffet which is the only real alternative to the sit down meals) was inconsistent in quality and rarely achieved more than mediocrity.

- The weather while not expected to be spectacular, was ruinous on day 1. The swells were about 30 ft and forced us to the inside passage. This caused us to lose a day in Sitka and not actually disembark the boat until Tuesday morning. One day did include an hour plus at a glacier, but it did not include any time off the ship. When you are choosing to not entertain people, 3.5 days on a ship is a long time. It was, however, exceedingly pleasant in Victoria.

- The itinerary could not have been worse and then did so after the weather shifted our schedule around. They shortened our day in Juneau (8-3:30), we had barely 5 hours in Ketchikan (itself not really much of a town), and didn't get into Victoria until nearly 8 at night, leaving four hours later (and the ship parked 1.5 miles outside of town and required a long walk or a $7 each way trip by bus into town). All told, only about 16hrs ashore in the week. Weak!

Overall, the trip was worthwhile without a doubt. It has, however, sated my desire to ever visit Alaska again.....at least by ship. It also probably sated my need to ever sail with Holland America ever again. They can't control the weather, but they can control the entertainment, the food, and the amenities on the ship and they did so poorly. The redeeming qualities were the pleasantness of the staff, the spectacular library, and the covered pool. But they made little use of every other amenity on the ship.

Well, as with every vacation, it ends with laundry.......and lots of it. Best to get to it then.