Senioritis?

Can you have senioritis in a one year program? I contend that you can. If not I will have to seek out psychological evaluation to more accurately discern why I feel how I do at the moment.

Right now the program feels a lot like a ride at Disney World. They have signs posted everywhere along the snaking lines telling you just how long you have to wait. Then, much sooner than you imagined, you find yourself on the precipice of the entranceway, excited that you are about to enjoy the ride......only to be confronted by a labyrinth of partitions herding you circuitously towards, what you hope, is the actual ride. Only, instead of a ride, I will be subjecting myself to onerous standardized testing and prostrating myself before potential employers at the culmination of this phase of the journey. I must be a sadist......or utterly insane.

On the other side of the street where the grass is greener, things outside of school are going as well as can be expected. Tia continues to deal as well as humanly possible with my ever shifting schedule and responsibilities. I know she finds it irritating, but she does well in masking it for the most part.

I cannot wait until May. That will be my new mantra.

Meconium

I was going to state, in grandiose fashion, that I had changed my first diaper today. Then I thought about it and realized that would be a misnomer indeed. I have changed more diapers in this program than I care to recollect. Not a one, prior to today, had been on anyone under the legal drinking age however. It was thankfully a good deal easier when you can single-handedly maneuver their body about. I will state that the stool itself, meconium, was akin to trying to remove the residue left behind after you remove a sticker. Hence, what they lack in volume, they make up for in effort required. Enough poop talk.

I also witnessed my first circumcision. It was actually pretty interesting and not altogether unpleasant. There seems to be a lot of information defending both sides of the circumcision argument and neither has enough evidence to back up their claims. Who knew a little piece of skin could inspire such controversy. I long for the day when pro-life and pro-choice is no longer debated and, instead, we have to hear our candidates discuss their stance, and reasoning, on circumcision. It would be nice to finally not hear a bunch of old white men trying to force their opinions on what women should be able to do with their uterus and instead have women duking it out on what we men can opt do with our penises.

To close this terse post out, I must reiterate how much I hate doing the early AM thing. It would be one thing if I were banking a bit of change for it, but the opposite is true. Consider this a post-bitch for today and a pre-bitch for tomorrow. Gnite.

An uneventful week

As some have thoughtfully reminded me, I haven't posted in awhile. Since I am pretty burned on reading about newborns and pregnancy for the moment, I thought I would cede to demands.

The first few days on the OB floor were relatively uneventful. The first day was really just half of one, and only a few hours were actually spent on the unit. The rest of the time was reserved for discussing postpartum examinations, breastfeeding, and expectations of the course. Needless to say, none of the information is anything I am more than passingly familiar with and the idea of having to feign any semblance of authority on any subject related to pregnancy or childbirth leaves me with no lack of anxiety. Its the same kind of anxiety I get when questioned by a mechanic about the sounds emanating from my engine or wandering around a hardware store when I don't know the technical name for the widget I am trying to locate. Hopefully as the lectures and reading catch up with what is expected of us on the floor, my feelings of inadequacy will lessen. Of course, around that time we will be moving to pediatrics.

As for experiences on the second day, I did get to see an epidural placed. It was really interesting and, thankfully, a huge relief to the woman who received it. She went from tears of agony to sublime contentment. Very nice. The same women unfortunately had a HUGE phobia about needles and incredibly small veins so, to get her peripheral line set up to get enough fluids in her to start the epidural, there was a series of missteps trying to get a line started. It was interesting to say the least and not a little blood was shed between collapsing veins, an infiltrated one (that began to puff up her hand immediately), and her flinching throughout. Three nurses tried at least two spots apiece before success. Yikes! I hope when I place them they will prove easier (at least somewhat).

The first examination has come and gone in OB as well. It is nice to be started, but god what a road to hoe. We have many more papers than in any other semester this term, so I may prove somewhat unreliable in my posts, with an ebb and flow commensurate with my chaotic schedule. Stick with it though, because this is cathartic for me and hopefully keeps everyone in the loop.

Jobs Jobs Jobs

That seems to be the topic of the moment......who accepted what job and where. They spoke to us about it in the Fall actually. There appears to be no consensus on the issue of whether to seek employment now or to not bother with it until we finish up with classes. To mix metaphors, the constant tug between a bird in the hand vs. waiting to see what lies behind door #2. Most students and former students find it advantageous to apply and accept now. Advisers and instructors seem more inclined towards waiting. Unless Tia and I decide to reside in Rochester another year, the point is a moot one for me, but an anxiety provoking one nonetheless.

It is hard to hear about the jobs that everyone else locked up and when they are going to be starting while I try to figure out how I will afford to move back to Portland and re-start a life out there. Especially since, in Portland, the few people who did speak to me (some hospitals evidently declined my inquiry outright...perhaps misliking the timbre of my voice) were not to be bothered with applications from unlicensed individuals until we are far closer to such point or, ideally, have attained said licensure. The situation feels all the more disconcerting since it is unlikely I will navigate through the convoluted licensure process and be able to begin working until July at the earliest. August is actually more probable.

There also seems to be more reluctance out West to start a new nurse with anything other than a general medical/surgical floor. The kind of floor where poop is a constant. The kind of floor I will be unhappy with. Once again there is significant disagreement. Some people feel med/surg offers the most rounded introduction to nursing and affords you the most significant opportunity to improve in the field and master skills you can take anywhere. Others feel that, should you not enjoy such an endeavor, why expose yourself to it. You will ultimately specialize in something, so why pick up habits on such a unit when you will have to relearn the specifics of where you would prefer to be. Also, on all floors you will practice, to some degree, general skills, so why subject yourself to something that is likely to turn you off of the profession. You dont go to the OR if you can't stand blood after all. It leaves much to ponder.

In the interim, I will just try to push the whole job thing aside until I can figure out how to make it through Pediatrics and OB, Ethics, and Management. But it will surely play on the fringes. As much as I work towards the Buddhist ideals of living in the moment, it is awfully hard to not look ahead.

Back to School

Tomorrow is the big return to lectures, readings, and endless hours spent in a windowless auditorium (a fact rendered less disconcerting in the winter when sunny days are less common). I am both excited and a bit disconcerted by what lies ahead. Of all the rotations, the one I was least looking forward to was OB. I cannot adequately express my discomfort with it. I am hopeful that it will be far better than I hope it to be. I just have a hard time envisioning the situation as being anything but awkward.

The next step will be pediatric oncology. In my mind, the situation goes from awkward to sad. If there is anything more depressing than a terminally ill child, I know not what. I am certain there will be many tales of recovery as well, hopefully far more than the former.

As for classes, check the blog for moral ambiguities and ethical conundrums from Ethics, poignant commentary about how to Manage Care, and, er, some flippant comments about Nursing Integration (what the hell is that anyway?).

I am so glad to have seen so many friends, family, and soon-to-be-family while out in Portland. Keep pulling for me and write when you can. Same goes for my friends and family elsewhere.

So it begins again.

7 degrees and sunny

I have already been provided the grim, and entirely typical, weather forecast for my trip out to PDX: "Rain and about 45 degrees. Repeat ad nauseum until the populace is driven suicidal." I could never be accused of loving the Portland winters. Winter in general for that matter. As horrifying cold as the temperatures have registered here lately, it has been mercifully sunny. It is the coldest place I can recall living (I can't count my time in Ohio since I spent half of it scarcely sentient and the other half sick enough to be counted not much beyond such level), and yet pleasingly sunny just frequently enough to make it bearable thus far. I forget just how much sway the sun holds over my mood.

This isn't to say that I am at all remiss to be leaving here to go to Portland, rain or no. The reality is that besides the utter lack of sun, Portland trumps Rochester in every conceivable manner. There is little enough to do here in the summer and even less when the weather in uncooperative. I still wont say that I hate it here because that is more severe than my emotions about this city run, but it isn't a place I could envision staying unless required to (say for instance, by school).

I can't wait to see everyone back in the place I now consider home. I am sure it will be all the harder to leave it again when I have to return.