Words are good

I keep reading all these compendiums, best movies, books, songs, etc, and i thought I should join up with the herd and do a mini one of my own because, well, its my blog. Anyway, those who know me know that I love to read. It is truly one of my favorite pastimes/escapes. There is nothing quite like finding an engrossing book. One that kind of plays on your thoughts when you aren't reading it. One that convinces you that one more chapter would be a good idea before shutting it down for the night.

I like to read enough that, when someone says that they don't like to read, (and people do say that oddly enough........in my mind akin to saying they don't like to eat), I look at them like they just unhinged their jaw and ate a puppy whole in front of me. I am more incredulous than Fabio was when he found out that, indeed, it wasn't butter (read on for more dated references :). I am not saying that we all must read great works of literature.......we all like mindless fluff now and again. I am not going to list all the pulp novels that I read this year because I know that while I enjoyed them, they aren't necessarily compelling reads. So, without further ado, in no particular order, some books I dug and 1 I could not stand this past year.

The lost City of Z - Just a phenomenal read and an incredible adventure and superbly written. I think I enjoyed it all the more because it was true. Cannot recommend it enough.

The Devil in White City - Perhaps my favorite read of the year. The description of the wonder of the world's fair in 1893 Chicago contrasted with the serial murders going on in the city's midst. Once again, more amazing for being true. (Isaac's Storm is also an incredible read btw)

The Terror - brings the horrific trials and tribulations of arctic exploration vividly to life in this beautifully written historical, which injects a note of supernatural horror into the 1840s Franklin expedition and its doomed search for the Northwest Passage. Still working on this one. Ending the year with a bang it seems. Very tense.

Under the Dome - not my favorite work by King (that is either The Stand or the Gunslinger series), but an above average read and an interesting premise. A lot of characters to juggle and a body count rivaling anything else he has ever written.

Into Thin Air - Another amazing but true adventure with sadly tragic results for many who dared to climb Everest. I find it fascinating when people are willing to risk their safety and their lives for such adventure. What compels them? After reading this, I know whatever it is won't be compelling me. Anything by Krakauer is a worthy read.

The Road - Grim and heart wrenching, but gripping nonetheless. You can almost feel the hopelessness.

As an afterthought, I thought I would throw in the worst book I checked out this year: Daniel X - I know what Patterson does is less literature and more throwaway beach reads, but they are generally at least entertaining and brief. I made it through 3 chapters of this drivel and gave up entirely. Truly childlike writing. Terrible.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year. See you in '10!

Another Yuletide gone

I had the darnedest time getting into the holiday spirit and now I find myself already packing up ornaments. What happened? I think its that I REALLY miss being off for extended periods over the holidays. Perhaps for some reason that just hammers the whole thing home (or I just like not working for extended periods of time........a given really, just ask Tia :) Being afforded time to recharge and enjoy friends and family is such a luxury. Working on Christmas eve and then the following Sunday just makes it seem like a weekend, albeit a weekend with presents! If this is what growing up is about, I think I will take a pass. Long live the spirit of (an extended) Christmas break!

Work stuff should potentially get more interesting and hopefully more palatable soon as HR is going to speak with the big boss lady tomorrow. I wish I could be a fly on the wall for that conversation. Needless to say I am excessively interested to hear how it goes. Maybe it will even lead to at least a short term reprieve. One can dare to hope anyways.

I have some to realize that there is more than just a vague connection between my spending more time on the floor with people who are there with communicable viruses and diseases and my own health concerns (I know it wasn't exactly Holmesian sleuthing). what I need/want is less floor time and more clinic time and/or a new job with much less exposure. The hunt has already begun of course, but will commence in earnest starting the new year. Cross em as always.

Since I haven't acquired any new toys this holiday season I guess I will just go put on my new socks, new underpants and new robe and read. I still love the holidays, but I definitely miss the toys! :)

Hope everyone who reads this had a wonderful holiday and, if I dont post before (a distinct possibility) a Happy New YEar!

forgot about Dre

It is only now starting to dawn on me, and bother me just the same, that the 00's are on their way out. I felt the same way about the end of the 90s though (only this time free from the dreaded Y2K end of the world scenarios). I have a hard enough time remembering and taking stock of one year, let alone a decade. So, what happened exactly?

The 00s have seen me move out of Florida, for a place distant and alien.....the Pacific NW. A place where winter is not just marginally different than any of the other seasons. A places where you have to own things like pants and can't wear flip-flops 350 days a year. A places where the beach is a place to look at, not to swim in (and you frequently wear the aforementioned pants). A place where trees change colors and humidity means rain. It has been an odd transition, but one I am quite happy that I made.

The 00s found me graduating from college, not once but twice (the second time to far happier and more successful result). It found me engaged, not once but twice (with eerily similar results to college). Married once. First house purchase. First new car. First real job (amongst many now). First surgery. First recovery. First trips to Asia and Europe (and last desire to go to Asia for some time). First 401K. First loan repayments. First bouts with the difficulties and successes of being an adult. First gray hairs (and surely not the last).

With still a few weeks left, who knows what will happen, but I am thankful that they are nearly over if only because I know I made it through them, and sad because there were so many important memories.

Work work work & is that gay?

The suspense is killing me with work. More interviews, more damning comments. Still, no action. But, I understand if only because I have no choice otherwise. I think one of my coworkers comments summed things up most succinctly when asked about our manager by HR "I have learned to just avoid her. She doesnt back anyone up ever and my job is just easier the less contact I have with her" (I paraphrase of course). Fun. In the meantime, absence continues to make the heart grow fonder......the longer we dont see the manager, the happier we all have been.

Tia likes to tease me constantly about my 'gay male' qualities by putting imaginary checkmarks in the gay column every time I enjoy something less than definitely masculine. Its funny (and true). So, I thought I would try to compile a compendium of sorts:

Gay things (and I write this meaning no offense as I could also just as easily categorize them as feminine things):

1. Spas - love em. From pedicures to full body massages, I cant get enough. Scented oils, yes please!

2. Some Rom/coms - Here I am a little more picky. I will laugh and cry along with the 'good' ones, but hate them by and large. Give me When Harry Met Sally or any Meg Ryan film before she got all plastic surgery on us and I will likely watch and enjoy. Throw in Mr. McConahey (sp) or J-Lo or anything with 3 generations of women and I would rather take a hot poker to my eye. But Julie and Julia, second helpings please!

3. Camping/outdoorsy stuff - I am game for a short hike or a visit to a scenic point or natural wonder, but I draw the line at sleeping outdoors or getting unneccesarily dirty. I will take my nature in little bites thank you.

4. Fixing things/craftmanship - I am inept. Maybe that gene hasn't activated just yet. My dad is so good at it too.

Things that lean masculine:

1. Sports - love em. Cant get enough minutia about them.

2. Movies where things blow up. I can no longer handle bombastic Michael Bay type inanity, but who doens't love a good action adventure with a point ala Star Trek or violent stylized violence like in the MAtrix or James Bond.

3. Musicals or singing competititions - unless there are actually instruments, count me very much out. Musical movies/shows are particularly bizarre to me (looking at you Glee!), though I have made exceptions to this rule (Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog).

4. Dancing - see above

Certainly not a definitive list, but I thought funny enough to write about. Now, if you'll excuse me I am off to grab a latte and a pedi :)

The plot thickens

Well, the ball is officially rolling (and picking up momentum) at work. More and more issues are cropping up regarding the head of my department and some come complete with specific instances. If this doesn't all end up affecting any change, then I will know that this isn't the place to work for much longer. I still think that, largely, the issue lies with communication, but it doesnt help that that issue coincides with so many other deficiencies.

As for non-work, things are going well considering this is the stressful holiday season. Looking very much forward to Christmas and a short getaway for new years.

Finally got an elliptical and even managed to assemble it with Tia with a limited number of half-articulated frustration profanities. Huzzahs all around! Now I realize just how out of shape I actually am. I think I got winded climbing up on it the first time. Baby steps to fitness.

The week that twas

The beat goes on at work, though an albatross has been lifted. I finally had the opportunity to air my grievances against the powers that be and it was, if nothing else, cathartic. I realize that I also now managed to put myself into a safer spot by being the whistle blower. Anonymity will prove no saving grace, but plastering my bitchfest around ought to be at least good for some safety because the one word that no company likes to hear is retaliation. My coworkers will be talking to HR as well and hopefully a cohesive argument will come together and things will move in a better more positive direction at work. If nothing else, I feel good having stirred the pot and pushed back rather than curling up in the corner and hoping.

Other than that, it has been a lot of work days followed by more work days. Many days spent surfing the floor with my cart-o-stabby things hawking central line possibilities. It is easier to just accept it for the time being, though I REALLY want to just use a week of sick calls and take a trip somewhere sunny and warm. Anyone know a wealthy benefactor?

Don't have a lot of drama of otherwise spectacular happenings to report. Looking forward to trying to put together my new elliptical machine without the loss of much blood or the spilling out of too many profanities. I'd bet the over if I were you.

Sunny side

It is REALLY easy to get bogged down in your own personal drama. We all play the martyr now and again and see only the negative side of things. Woe is me abounds. I know, at least, that is how I have felt of late at work.

Truth be told, though I do truly abhor the upper reaches of management for the way they talk down to everyone else and their take it or pack up your shit and go mentality, I don't have to see them often. Too often for me to be sure, but not with any real frequency. Yes, I am going to try like hell to find a more ideal situation and yes I will continue to vent on my personal bully pulpit, but I will also try to find some perspective. Although, I am finding that sometimes perspective finds you.

I work around the truly sick all day. I see people at their last breaths too often. I don't, however, feel very connected. You have to distance yourself or you would go crazy. But, in the midst of it all, my cousin has come to visit. She is now dealing with her 4th bout of cancer, has had more body parts removed than a Camry in a chop shop, has lost her job and insurance and yet remains overwhelmingly upbeat. I am amazed. I wonder how I would deal with the same. I doubt I could persevere nearly as well.

So, in the interest of perspective I will say that, to a person, EVERYONE I work with has been on my side (at least to my face :) and supports me. I will also say that, it isn't a bad place to work even if I am alone pushing a cart all day. I will also say that I finally at least said my piece to the people that matter at my organization and I feel good about that. In the meantime, time to put my head down and try to make it to the end of the year as my near term goal.

Off to finish up another football Sunday.

Figuring stuff out

I hear it from many many people, or the spouses of those people........career confusion. There are those, like me, who just drop out of life as they know it (and in the process, commit themselves to a year in an arctic tundra) in order to open new doors. There are those who take even longer. There are those of us who don't or can't pursue that opportunity at all. There are others that simply won't because of the fear of the unknown.

Even making a change affords no guarantee that the door you open isn't one you would shortly thereafter wish to bolt closed once again (or wall off entirely cask of Amontillado style). We conceptualize and hope that any change will be for the best, but barriers continue to crop up that you cannot anticipate.

My own example was going through nursing school and hating, hating, hating a majority of what I was asked to do while in school on the floors of the hospitals. If I wasn't cleaning up after incontinent patients, I was cleaning out trach tubes, emptying catheters, or bathing the invalid. I could scarcely conceptualize myself in a career doing those things day in and day out for years. It wasn't until near the end of the program that I got a glimmer of hope: interventional radiology. A place where patients flowed in and out and the day rarely involved any of the things that I found so horribly unpleasant. The same could be said for short stay, PACU, and OR jobs. Or in psych units, clinics, infusion, or research. The avenues are limitless and seem only to be confined by my own knowledge (or lack thereof) of opportunities. However, where things only that simple.

What I have learned thus far in my brief nursing career (and other careers pursued) are the following: Some places don't understand training and have a poor idea of the experience (see: lack of) of new nurses, educators, etc. (Here's looking at you Willy Falls). The situation becomes a complete dumpster fire quickly and the only way to escape the conflagration is to drop and roll your way out.

All places promise far more than they deliver, whether it be hours, work conditions, or training schedules. There is always a discrepency between what is said at the interview and what becomes upon hiring and, I should note, it is never a discrepency in your favor.

Managers can't help but meddle. I have not been a manager, so I cannot speak from experience, but it appears more often than not that managers sit idly at fairly reliable intervals (perhaps there is an internal clock of some sort......like a managerial circadian rhythm) and dream up reasons to tweak, twist, or turn things on there head for either their personal amusement or to muck up the works so it appears they are indeed doing something. Rarely, it should be mentioned, are any of these changes well thought out (if thought about at all) and even more rarely do they actually prove to accomplish anything other than flustering the drones such as myself.

Workplaces are, if nothing else, unpredictable. You may well be finding your right career, but may end up around all the wrong people in doing so. Or, nearly as bad, a few bad apples may make the workplace less than it could be.

I am sure there is a point to be found somewhere, but I am not the one to seek it out. To all those who seek out something better, more compelling, or just different.........I have been there, am still there, and will probably be traveling there all my life and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Blood

Sometimes I think that I have a very peculiar job. Perhaps its not really all that strange in reality, but there are times I can't help but stop and think, 'How the hell did I manage to find myself doing this?' The human body holds from 8-12 pints of blood (higher end for men, lower end for women), and I have carried that much in baggies down the stairs on a busy day. I pull it from people who are too high in iron, and infuse it into people too low. I draw it out for labs and have my gloved hands covered in it during central line insertions. I constantly evaluate veins and puncture them with increasing success. More blood. Everywhere I turn and everything I do seems to revolve around it. Considering just how much I used to recoil at even conceptualizing it, I often think it is such a queer turn of events that has led me to a specific part of a profession which has me around it almost constantly. I no longer see it as anything other than any other fluid, though I am consistently amazed at the variations of viscosity and hue. Now, if I could only being to feel that way about fecal matter. Somehow I doubt it.

things are settling at work. Well, I am acclimating anyway. Perspective is a beautiful thing and, sadly, a number of my co-workers are having far rougher goes of it than I was. Work is work and you can get away from it, but personal turmoil follows you. I wish them the best as they deal with their separate situations. I have just decided to embrace the cart and all that comes with it, from the difficult starts to the always unpredictable PICC lines. The clinic is easier, and often more predictable, but I will do what I have to until the next challenge presents itself, and try to do so with as little grumbling as I can manage.

I am off to enjoy a day without work. Not a hard thing to do I admit.

Another week in the books

This week was best defined as a mixed bag. Thursday was spent mostly on the floor because of a mandate from above that I get more practice on central lines. I don't mind practicing more (they are not spectacularly hard, they just don't appeal to me all that much, but I am open to doing more if need be), but why does that necessitate that I constantly be on the floor? If there was a line, it isnt as though I couldn't still go do it. A big whatever. The bid Thursday revelation was, and this is a credit to my immediate supervisor for telling me at least, that the higher ups don't think I do altogether much. It was a shocking revelation to me (and loudly disputed by my immediate supervisor evidently with support from my coworkers). Where the impression came from is beyond me honestly since I see them MAYBE once or twice a month tops. All I know was that my first inclination was to say a big FU to the higher ups and walk. Immediately thereafter (and thank god for inner monologue) I decided instead to say nothing at all. In talking with my coworkers, they say to just ignore it. No one has a whole lot of respect for the higher ups, and they put little to no stock in their opinion on anything. In truth, even before this, neither did I. However, it did sour my mood significantly that day.

That same day Tia accepted a new job at a significantly higher pay making for a slightly higher probability that I will be able to retire and be a kept man! (up from 0.0% to 0.1%) A man can dream! Kudos to her though. She has managed to do a whole lot of grown up things long before I even made enough money to live on my own and now it is paying off for her in a big way. I guess there are some benefits to being a responsible adult (I can only assume since I refuse to be one myself :)

To conclude the whiplash like vacillations of the day, we went out to brinner to celebrate and I ended up quite sick with food poisoning (or something that mimiced it quite convincingly) and missed Friday at work. I will not be eating apples or bacon for some time. Definitely not in combination with one another.

The weekend was spent at work, but evenly split between the park and the big hospital. Not my favorite place, but at least the big bananas are not working weekends. I spent most of the days wandering the halls and trying to make it until 5:30. I feel about as uncomfortable as a Republican at a gay bar there.

So, another week lies ahead...........meaning more days spent pushing my cart and roaming the floors. Applications are already being floated around just in case.

liquor

As intolerable as last week was, the weekend was its antithesis. An antidote to the poisons of short staffing, bizarre and needless shift floating, and unexplainable focus shifting that makes me feel like less of a nurse and more of a salesman.

We spent Friday night trying out a new brewpub down the street in downtown Tigard with the Neely crew in tow. The beer was quite good as was the food and company. The only downside was the oversaturation of urchins, but that petered out rather early. Saturday we met up with some of Tia's friends from school for a birthday celebration that involved the evidently famous (Diners, Drive-ins and Dives shot there) Pine State Biscuits It was quite good, though perhaps not as good as the line snaking out the door would indicate. They do have damn fine biscuits though! We then wandered out to fulfill Chris's birthday wish of a distillery tour. Who knew that the microbrew capital of the country also was a prolific purveyor of spirits as well. Worth checking out for sure if you haven't...who doesn't like free booze after all? The nicest part, you can wander to each one without once returning to your car. http://distilleryrowpdx.com/

After finishing up our wanderings, we found ourselves at Grand Central Bowl, where the drinking (and some bowling) continued. Dave bowled a 256 in the first game.......higher than the combined totals of the rest of us for both games we managed to complete (though sadly, despite that fact, I managed to win the second game). Great place to kick back and bowl.

Sunday was more subdued with some football, some cleaning and a pleasant dinner with the folks. If only all weekends could help erase the week like this one did.

what happens when..............

...........you take two unenviable factors and combine them? Well, stupidity evidently.

I am NOT a morning person. I hope to make that crystal clear. Never have been, never will be. My whole body revolts at the merest hint of the alarm clock and the idea of seeing the sun rise holds all the pleasure in my mind of have my teeth drilled upon. Also, I don't function well being tired (hardly revelatory), which I have been of late. Don't know if it is the change in the weather, the sun not rising before I do, or the amount of things I have been doing with my awake hours, but I have been beat of late. Plus, I have been working a lot of contiguous days, which makes me feel even more burnt out, which leads me to this morning. I managed to get into my car, pull it out of the garage, and started ever so slightly down the road when I realized two things: my feet were awfully cold and the gas pedal felt funny. You see, I forgot to wear my shoes. The only thing similar I can recall was when I wore two completely different shoes (one brown, one black, though similar in style enough to be not horribly incongruous) to one of my student teaching days. Honestly, this is all but a short step to walking into work one day without pants on.

Wish luck to all my early AM patients.

9

The weekend was bright with promise. Glorious summery days perfect for exalting in the outdoors. And, unlike my usual self, I did not squander it (likely because I know just how few such days remain to burn before the doldrums begin). Spent Saturday with my parents at the Polish festival which was, sadly, not exactly an entire day's worth of exploration. They did boast some spectacularly authentic and delicious food however. Sunday included a walk for ALS and a surprise free feast of sorts provided by Legend homes who were trying to drum up interest in their new builds. As they are attempting to build more green, the event included organic food and desserts from a local company, some representatives from various 'green' themed building suppliers (solar panels and the like) and, most notable of all, FREE organic beer! Is there a better thing than free food and alcohol?!?! I dare say not!

Today Tia took a much needed day of repreive from her job and we decided to go see a movie (also free thanks to the aforementioned event). Sadly, free may have been to high a price to pay for the movie. We saw 9, which was quite interesting visually, but lacked.......well, just about everything else including a comprehensible narrative or a particularly novel premise. We strongly considered just leaving....and probably should have. Ah well. At least the popcorn was good.

Tomorrow to the big hospital as part of the float or die campaign we are running (well, float to another hospital or forfeit your hours anyway). I am looking forward to it like I would look forward to sitting through 9 a half dozen more times. My hospital is just more, well, civil. The other hospital is huge, confusing, and frequently too dramatic for my tastes. Just have to make it through 2 more shifts there though. Wish me luck.

houses and needles and anxiety

Today I did my first official yard work on my own home (well, 359 more payments and it is mine anyway). It was actually rather........er, gratifying. Kind of like the first time you wash your first car. It helps to feel that way sometimes when the rest of the time it feels like your paychecks are built over a house shaped drain and you have anxiety attacks paying the mortgage. But other than that, things are progressing well.

Its weird how responsibility sneaks up on you. All the sudden I have a house payment, student loans, and a car payment and my job is no longer a means to an end but instead something that I actually help define myself by and aspire to evolve within. Even relationships change and become partnerships as much about enjoying each others company as dealing with the trials and tribulations that life brings. I try not to be too frequently introspective about it all though (see above: anxiety attacks).

Work continues to be an enigma. I spent the weekend on my own with the sky high stress levels that incurs (being the so-called last line on anything will breed that). I was asked this weekend to put in a central line on my own. I, of course, balked. I don't even know how to put on my surgical gown without losing sterility on my own because ALL my training has been performed with another person in the room. All of the lines are put in, except in cases where no one else is available, with a second person. Thankfully with enough shuffling, cajoling, and other feats of persuasion, I was able to push off the line until afternoon help arrived. Sadly, the line was a failure anyway. They seem to fail as often as they succeed based upon my observations.

Well, I was stabbed with my allergy shots today.......so I am going to shuffle off to a likely snorefest (my allergies are awful the day of the shots). Hopefully Tia falls asleep first.

where do the hours go?

I am not speaking metaphorically unfortunately. They have been shaving away hours of late at work to make budget at the hospital. I understand the overarching goal, but my understanding is that the department I work at is, was, and continues to be profitable. So, while we ought to chip in for the cause by increasing efficiency, it seems rather less than intelligent to shave staff hours to the point that we are unable to do all of the things we are tasked with. We are supposed to keep our clinic patients happy and healthy while still maintaining our presence on the floor. But, take away a few people a shift, and you have to start making tough choices in how to allocate resources.....someone ain't gonna be happy. WE shall see how this story unfolds, however it will cease to interest me if I can't earn enough money to continue working there.

So, house coming together/work coming apart. Tune in for details as events warrant.

Home at last........at last

Well, the move is now past tense...though the unpacking remains. And will likely remain in bits and parts for some time. Of course, that is the nature of it and, with hope (perhaps misplaced due to my nomadic manner) there will not be another address for some years.

I adore the home, though it still does not feel like we really own it. We both expect that we shall return home one day to find the old owners have returned from some extended holiday and our trespass is at an end. It is such a difficult concept to wrap my brain around. I remember feeling the same way when I bought my first new car. For months I couldnt believe that the dealership had presumed that I had the ability to pay for it. Like I had duped them somehow.

I look forward to finally putting away the last of the boxes and hanging up some pictures and making it our own. I will definitely be sharing it at that point.

In other news, I am still recovering........and thankfully quite well. I still have the stamina of an elderly person and fatigue quickly. It is amazing how quickly the body atrophies, and how slowly it builds. I keep wondering how this imposter got hold of my body and ran it down so much.

I will write more when time avails. For now, slumber calls.

Roses and Thorns

Used to play a game after trips called roses and thorns. Thought I would bring it back blogger style. Roses (best parts) and thorns (worst parts) of Hawaii

Roses:
- verdant mountains shrouded in clouds
- Puka dog - SO GOOD!
- Plate lunches - carb lovers heaven
- Snorkeling at Hanauma Bay
- ABC stores - they sell EVERYTHING (and are more numerous than Starbucks here)
- lounging with Tia on the beach with a good book

Thorns:
- lizard poop - they are quite, er, prolific
- giant centipedes - I thought it was a snake
- hot hot heat
- sunburns despite liberal applications of SPF 45
- the high cost of grub

All in all, it was a really good experience and i am excited that I finally got to see Hawaii.

time for bed. One more day of work and then Friday is the big moving day. God help us. Experiencing the collision of the joys of new home ownership crashing into the horrors of packing and moving.

Puka Dog (Broke da mout)

I love hot dogs! I dont know how I can say it more emphatically without resorting to a weird font or 36pt bold faced type. Always have, always will. Just yummy (if somewhat mysterious) goodness.

Got to try Puka dog today (broke da mout is pidgen for delicious), and it was relevatory. Had some kind of banana relish and a spicy lemon garlic sauce slathered on it inside of a sweet roll. So unbelievably good! Have been craving one since seeing it on the Travel channel. Better than anticipated.

http://www.pukadog.com/menu

Staying another day in WAikiki.........off to play in the sun and enjoy the day.

96

Wow, how is it already Thursday? The vacation, like any time spent doing whatever you want instead of what you have to, is flying on by. Time for a brief update.

Spent the morning hours attempting to eat at a minuscule, but evidently hugely popular, breakfast place. Gave up when it became apparent that we would likely be eating lunch there instead with the wait stretching into hours. Headed back to the condo, both of us somewhat irritable from the heat and the accompanying sunburns. So, we decided to splurge a bit and get a hotel on Waikiki for the night....smart move all around.

First of I have to say that I LOVE, ADORE, and am OBSESSED with AC at this point and am thrilled to be sleeping in it again tonight. It cools down somewhat at night, but I already run warm and it is an adjustment. So, we hotwired a hotel and ended up in a pretty nice establishment near the heat of downtown. Spent the majority of our time wandering around the myriad shops, and eating an assortment of fried sweets (testing my new GB-less GI system.....which seems to be improving markedly) at the farmers market before heading to a beach front restaurant where we sipped tropical drinks festooned with pineapple and paper umbrellas and listened to a Hawaiian band play. Exactly what I thought Hawaii would be. Color me very impressed and thoroughly happy.

Now for another Mai Tai :)

72

Rough winds and an angry sea today. Sunburns all around in spite of an apparent lack of direct exposure by either of us. The melanin impaired are not safe here :)

Saw Julie and Julia. Though it seemed a bit, well, incomplete perhaps..........it was quite charming and thoroughly enjoyable. Plus, the theater had AC.....double bonus on a hot day.

48

DAy 2 was a lot of fun........in the relaxing kind of way that we all wish vacations could be while we are scurrying about trying to tick off things on our vacation to-do lists. We spent the late morning/lunch hour wandering around an indoor/outdoor mall in Honalulu and the bulk of the remainder of the day lying down in a park reading, watching the clouds, and occasionally wandering around in the bathwater of the bay. Simple and enjoyable.

24

Its hard to encompass all the experiences of a vacation (or a week in general) in retrospect (though, in retrospect, everything except what is happening right now is that way). So, I am making it my aspiration to try to write about things nightly rather than on my return to the states when I am sure I will be exhausted from returning to work, packing, moving, and unpacking. So, lets commence with the blogging.

Our flight was unremarkable. Which is exactly what you want a flight to be. You know they will be cramped, overlong, and largely uncomfortable.........but that is no surprise to anyone who has traveled. Remarkable is now almost exclusively falls into the domain of the horrifying and awful in regards to air travel now, and thankfully we were wholly bereft of that. Plus, our bags arrived with us. Double bonus.

My first impression was that Hawaii is VERY different than I thought it would be. In fact, it is overwhelmingly akin to south Florida. Or, at least the area we are in is that way. If you took away the mountains, replaced the Hawaiian people with Cubans, and put some consonants on the road signs, I don't know if I could tell the difference. The weather is the same. The lush tropical plants are the same. Even the architecture (and general era) of the homes is the same. I don't know what I expected it to look like here, but I didn't expect the overwhelming sense of deja vu.

Other things that have stood out: Zippy's restaurant (the island version of Denny's and absolutely the only thing open past 10 on a Sunday night), is terrible. Poor Tia and her theoretically safe order of spaghetti that turned out to somehow be inferior to Chef Boy-R-Dee in every way except price and was served with the leavings of a can of Veg All (the only mixed vegetables that dare try to toss in lima bean). I had a far superior meal in every way, and that is only backhandedly complimentary. However, I guessed enough to at least order the national side dish (macaroni salad) which was quite good.

Lizard poop: Lizards poop here. A lot. They are also quite indiscriminate as to where. nuff said.

Smoothie meals: Yum! Take a smoothie and dump it into a bowl with an assortment of fruit, toss some granola, a sliced up banana, and some almond slivers on top. Coat with honey. Breakfast in a bowl that is far more filling than you can imagine and you don't feel guilty about eating it.

Mixed plates: These are yummy and evidently a staple of the cuisine here. WE finally found a place to eat this evening (they are not common away from the city.......bizarrely rare actually, to the point you wonder where people eat out at ever) and had our first mixed plate. Basically it includes: 2 scoops white rice, one scoop of macaroni salad, and any combination of meats you can think of. Quite good, even if the combo of white rice with another carb is a bit odd.

Other than, we saw some surfers, walked some beaches, and drove half the island. Perhaps some touristy stuff tomorrow.

most recent big news

So, the last week has brought may changes. Some in evidence (see my bloated picture above) and some less visibly apparent. Obviously, foremost among the changes, my gall bladder is gone. It was, based on the surgeon's estimation, a much needed operation due to spreading inflammation. Sadly, I don't recall much of the day (or happily perhaps). I went in at 1, got an IV started, and fluids began to run. The surgeon and anesthesiologist stopped by and Versed was promptly administered. The next thing I remember, it was close to 7 that night. Thanks to morphine, I felt very little. Thanks to Versed, I remember even less. I stayed overnight for observation since I came out of the anesthesia a bit languidly. I have spent the intervening days on a slowly declining level of Percoset, kind of sleepwalking my way through the days. Its hard to believe it has already been 5 days since the surgery. I am very pleased that I was required to take 2 weeks off though, because it would be near impossible to work in my present condition (when I am up and about, I have little enough stamina). But, the doctor believes that this will lead to a vast improvement in my overall condition. Lets all cross em that proves true.

We also signed for our house this week. We don't officially close until next week (nor move until the week thereafter) but it is progress. Scarily rapid after so much languishing. It is amazing how quickly you can sign over your next 30 years.........honestly, it took longer to buy my last car. We are excited though. Now if we can just extricate ourselves from our current place without having to pursue litigation. The joys of renting be damned!

The last event is on its way in mere hours.............my first trip to Hawaii. An early thank you to Diane's boss for letting us use his place. The weather does not at present appear like it will be overwhelmingly cooperative, but I trust forecasts very little.

Off to finish packing.

A compromised life

I always tell Tia that a good compromise leaves neither party truly happy. In that case, I made a good compromise with my health..........because certainly no one is happy, least of all me. I put off my surgery until the 25th of August because my work preferred to have 30 days notice for a leave of absence. So, I tried to make them happy. I thought I would be able to work until then and support my co-workers who have been wonderful to me. So, I tried to make them happy. Tia planned a recovery/vacation for after the surgery that I badly wanted to be part of, so I tried to make her happy. But mostly, I tried to make myself happy by playing the role of good employee, coworker, and husband. I have managed to mangle it all while being a misery myself. All the while I have to wonder how I ended up doing this.

In the intervening month, I have managed to have a spotty attendance record at work because my pain is sometimes unmanageable, even with medication. In the worst catch 22 of all, I cant take pain medication at work because it makes me too foggy and languid. However, without it, I am in enough discomfort that performing many facets of my job is an ordeal. I have managed to paint myself, in some ways, as less than reliable which pains me because I take a lot of pride in my work ethic. I may not be the best, but I at least show up :)

I managed to upset Tia because I hobble along when she believes, and not wrongly, that I should have just had the surgery earlier since the problems were relevant even then (though I was trying to satisfy the 30 day notice rule at work). In the meantime, she has to listen to me perform as my own disgusting one man band of bowel related noises all while complaining of myriad aches and pains. It is, suffice to say, more than one should have to bear and I owe her for doing so with such good humor.

I managed to destroy my own health to the point where the most basic of tasks is now a labor. I feel jags of exhaustion and fall asleep at the merest notion of comfort. I grimace at sudden shifts in my posture. The pain medication causes side effects that affect my bowels and make life even less pleasant (causing me to take even more meds to, um, expedite things).

Still, though I use this as a forum for my own bitchings, I try to understand that I am incredibly fortunate. I have a supportive group around me and I have a good life. I know many people do far more with much less. I am trying not to get caught up in the 'why me?' ness of it all.

One week to go now........well, 8 days, until the surgery. I look so forward to it though it terrifies me greatly, if only because I don't know if it will ultimately make things better.

I would say wish me luck on the surgery, but honestly I would just as soon if you were doing so that you wish it for me tomorrow and any other day of work from now until the surgery. I think I may need it.

more lamentations about malfunctioning body parts

I swear I will stop the lamentations soon........as soon as the problem is resolved, which may need to occur sooner than originally planned. Evidently my body is not like a dinner party and cannot be planned like one (plus, there evidently aren't any hors d'oeuvres during or prior to the surgery. weak).

So, the original plan is for my gall bladder to be evicted on the 25th..............but now I am seriously contemplating the 14th (the next available). This will, unfortunately, cause some complications with my leave, the staffing at my job site (which I am sure they will overcome) and the sorta kinda vacation Tia and I were optomistically planning during week 2 of my recovery (if I have to sit around and do nothing, why not do that on a sandy beach in a more tropical climate?). Unfortunately, much like the whole planning thing, my GB is also entirely too unpredictable to negotiate with and seems to flare up without regard for my personal and professional schedule causing me to miss work and plans outside of work. So, whether missing a few days between now and the surgery is better or worse than just having the surgery and being done with it is a point of personal contention with me. I would, of course, just as soon have all the pieces fall into place and muddle through the next two weeks on a combination of anti-nausea and pain medication.

On the other side of the coin, the house is moving forward. We also locked in a stellar rate far below our anticipated one. Plus, the inspection was pretty clean. It is definitely getting exciting........if only because we wont know what to do with so much space! How fun.

Nothing else to report at the moment. Keep em crossed for me. The next few weeks will be hit and miss.

houses, heat waves, and gall bladders

This weather truly sucks. I sometimes forget exactly how hot it would be in the summer time in Florida. Only, unlike here, it would go on for months and months. Of course, also unlike here, air conditioning abounds. Thankfully our apartment gets very little sunlight (a fact we openly lamented during the cold grey winter), so we are able to, with the assistance of some timely opening and closing of windows and a room a/c unit, keep the place reasonably comfortable. However, the weather has had the same effect on me as the heat does in Florida.........it makes me want to do anything but go out in it. Hence, lots of reading, blog hopping, and general laziness.

I am not sure if I have blogged on it, but we have an accepted offer on a house. While the thought of the hunt being over and finally moving into a place of our own (especially since it is FAR nicer than we hoped have reasonably hoped or expected in our price range), it still sends little shivers of fear up my spine when I think about all the things that home ownership means. So long extra cash, hello large mortgage payments. Goodbye flexibility, hello stability. Of course, the hope is that the good will outweigh the bad and I certainly want to believe that is the case.

We had our home inspection today and, as we had hoped, the inspection revealed little of note. I didnt anticipate that it would, since the house is only a few years old, but you always worry. Just like when they do a routine blood test and you have the moment of worry that they will find some rare blood cancer even though you feel healthy. Of course, I havent really seen much to make me overly confident of home inspectors anyway and I can't help but think that you give them an awful lot of money for very little in return. If they encounter any issues, they just tell you to contact whatever specialist the malfunctioning equipment requires. I know it is still helpful, but I guess i expect more for what amounts to $175/hr for their time.

The gall bladder is set to depart my body on the 25th of next month, barring unforseen flare-ups. Right now my body and I have an uneasy truce that is shaky at best. I definitely pay manyfold times over for any indulgences and sometimes just for the hell of it, but the situation is largely bearable. Will it remain so until the 25th? Tune in next time to find out. I have never really had a surgery save for a tonsillectomy that I can only vaguely recall, so I am unreasonably anxious about the procedure. I think I would feel more firmly behind it if the results were virtually guaranteed, but they aren't. Too many people seem to have this done only to find themselves dealing with similar symptoms.

Saw Watchmen (finally!). My review is simple and I think agrees with most others. If you are a fan of the book (series), you will love it, or at least really like it. They stayed very true to the storyline. However, there were a number of parts edited out for brevity which were unfortunate, but necessary. The ending was also quite different from the book. That said, overall it was well done and stunning to watch.

MY GD GB

Dear Gallbladder (GB),

God Damn You!

I thought we were a team. I eat, you help digest. Remember all the good times we had.........BBQ buffets, molten chocolate cakes, and cheeseburgers with onion rings? I remember them. Where did it all go so wrong?

Sure, most doctors now say that you aren't a necessary organ. Some even refer to you as an anachronism from early on in our development......but I stood by you. Well, no longer. This relationship has become abusive. I know from watching Oprah, that we need to just make a clean break. I'm am going to have to ask you to pack up your stones and go. And don't try to come back......I am already planning on replacing you with my liver.

Good day sir.

Regards,

Bryan

Revolutionary Road

Tia and I watched Revolutionary Road last night and it really made me think about the nature of life in general (perhaps that's why I prefer escapist fare that doesn't make me think at all.....thinking sucks! :) Anyway, the film is about a couple in the 1950s who meet while young and idealistic and then, flash forward about 10 years, they have two kids, a suburban home, and Kate Winslet is a housewife and Leo DiCaprio has a nondescript mid-level job. They are the picture of idyllic suburban life, epitomizing the American dream such as it is. Of course, they always thought of themselves as more than what they have become and are unhappy with their life of abject normality. This isn't a review, so I won't go much further into it....but it is worth a watch for the performances alone. Also, watch it if you want to think (see above for reminder about how much that sucks before you do however).

What this is, is my take on the film and what it made me think about. Tia and I have been going round and round about whether to buy a house or continue renting. We both have jobs that we are happy with, though neither is our dream job (Tia has more definite ideas about her dream job than I however). We have good incomes, drive reasonable cars, and enjoy the little things that life provides in Portland. The question that the film raised in my mind was: Do we have the things we have and want the things we want because we truly want them, or because we are conditioned to want them? I feel we are self-limited by our exposures and socialized to want certain things so I have to wonder if we aspire to the American Dream because it is the only dream we know.

For instance, I like the idea of a house, but hate that it means a 30 year mortgage and endless dollars poured into maintenance. And, owning a house means that there is less money to travel, more time spent doing house related things, and a sense of fixing ourselves into a location for the forseeable future. Its the same general concern I have about having children. There is an overwhelming sense (to me anyway) that gratification should be delayed for the trappings of adulthood (mortgage, children, career). And the further we delve into these trappings, the more remote spontineity and whimsy become because of the inertia created by such things. We end up doing things because of what we have to instead of wanting to, and trying to convince ourselves otherwise. Even the idea of the future is now so wound around whether or not one can afford to retire and concerns about how that will happen, that I find myself having to care about pensions and 403b plans far more than concerning myself with what happens today, this week, or this month.

Of course, I am sure I am considered immature for even having the notion. You tell people you dont want kids, people look at you crosswise and wonder why not (though to ask people who want children why they do causes the same peculiar looks). The same for home ownership. In the film, Kate Winslet has the notion to drop everything, sell the house, and move to Paris just because...........and most people treat the couple like they are certifiably insane. Am I insane for finding the same notion compelling?

This is kind of rambling, but I am in a rambling kind of mood. Now I am off to anesthetize myself through the escapism of an ambling walk and maybe some lighthearted comedy tonight.

Guilty pleasures

Tia and I were unwinding last night and watching Daisy of Love. Now, I am not going to say that it is my proudest viewing moment, but it is not the worst television trash that I have subjected my brain cells to. It is junk food for the brain pure and simple. With that, I thought I would delve into other guilty pleasures.

Andrew Zimmerman: What won't he eat........actually what won't he eat with a smile on his face? The man has iron fortitude and I love watching him merrily masticate things that would elicit gastrointestinal revolt in most of us. Kudos mister Zimmerman.

Daisy of Love: As plastic as a barbie with as many tattoos as Kat Von D being vied for by guys with names like 12 pack and Sinister. Yet, somehow more realistic than the much more refined Bachelor/Bachelorette shows because the chase for fame is so blatant and the chase for love so comical. If you are going to pretend that these type of shows yield anything, at least pretend in vibrant technicolor I say.

Sweet Tea: In a world where tea yields so much goodness in the way of antioxidants, the south has figured out a way to chase that dragon and make it a near confection. I adore them for it. Is there anything better with BBQ or on a hot summer's day? I dare say not.

Asian food: When I was younger I would have said pizza, but now it is Asian food in most of its forms. Whether the fresh herbs and savory pork of my favorite Vietnamese dishes, a quite nosh of sushi on a go round, or a thai curry with just enough kick to get your nose running, I am hopelessly addicted.

Dresden Files Books: Like romance novels to the 60 plus set, these are to the geek at heart crowd: escapist trash. But, escapist trash with flare enough to stick with the adventures. Kudos also to the series the Hollows for the same.

Happy Hour: cheap food and slightly less expensive than normal drinks. Throw in a patio and friends. Nuff said.

I could go on and on, but then I would never post this and I have already been an absentee father for my blog.

Not much else to add on the personal front. No house. No job changes. No new pets. No babies. Got a swell new netbook though :)

Later taters.

Centralia

I have never thought much about Centralia Washington. Tia and I even stopped there once and didn't recall that we had been there before until we noticed the Burgerville we had eaten at on our way to Vancouver BC. It was wholly forgettable. Just another place off the interstate to fuel up the car and fill up on fast food.

However, once in BC, we met a couple from Centralia who recommended a more extended visit. Since it is less than 100 miles distant and Tia's birthday was near, it seemed like a good place for an overnight getaway. They even boast a McMenamins (Olympic Club Pub) which we decided to stay at. Evidently the town is known for its antique stores and an outlet mall. Sadly, neither proved impressive.

I should preface the rest of this entry by stating that we had a fun time. This was largely due to going to a nearby casino for a few hours and the cheap spirits proferred by the Olympic club after 10pm. The town itself resembles the kind of place where meth production probably began if for no other reason than because there was nothing else to do. The antique stores were chock full of expensive wares, though the houses in the surrounding area did not give the impression that anyone could afford them. The restaurants were the kind of cheap diner locales that sport tasty, inexpensive, and straightforward fare and the downtown lacked for most anything that was open after 8pm (save the place we stayed). The outlet mall was scattered about in three or four locations that were not near enough to one another to walk between and held about 30 stores, few of which were worth bothering with. The Olyimpic club itself was quite well preserved and has an interesting history behind it. The only failing of it was its proximity to fairly regularly used train tracks. The windows did little to dampen the sound of the horn blasts each time the train approached. However, the amber nitros did a fine job of mitigating that minor obstacle to restful slumber.

So, all in all it was a fun getaway, but I think Tia and I will probably not soon return to Centralia to stay........or shop for that matter. WE might, however, stop in for a pint at the Olympic club or some seasonal shakes at Burgerville on our way to more interesting destinations.

Calvin pissing on Toyota

I was driving home from work one day last week and ended up behind a car sporting the, what I thought was long defunct, image of Calvin peeing on a car logo, this time a Toyota logo. Typically, these decals appear on vehicles either masking the insecurities of the driver, living out some kind of suspended adolescence, or a combination of the two (yes you a-holes with the jacked up trucks, the Freebird blasting Camaros/Mustangs, or the cars sporting decidedly homemade looking ground effects and exhaust systems that sound like a magnified version of baseball cards in bike tire spokes). However, this car was none of the above. In point of fact, it was a late model Toyota. So, I had to deduce that either: A. They hated their car, B. They were making a statement about the status of lost American autoworker jobs overseas, C. They were making an ironic statement about the stupidity of the decals or D. They were too dumb to understand the point of the decal. Take your pick as to my guess.

Other than that minor bit of diversionary whimsy, my week was hellacious. I was involved in more PICC lines in the span of the week that during the previous 2 months.....including my training on PICC lines. Insane. Even more frustrating was the fact that at least one line was removed the VERY NEXT DAY because the patient's treatment was completed. So, rather than putting in an extremely low risk inexpensive peripheral IV line, the doc opted for an expensive and far more technical PICC line. BTW, the risk of infection, despite the sterility of the procedure, is many times higher. The short sighted nature of some of the doctors is truly infuriating. Other than that, the job is going well although my new cropping of grey hairs would argue otherwise :)

Not much else has transpired of late. Just another batch of movies:

Frost/Nixon: great grownup entertainment by my account. Tia found it dull.
The Lookout: interesting and solid. Good acting overall. Good enough to see once and then not again.
Yes Man: not just awful, god awful! Truly terrible. Wasted the talents of all involved.

Off to play today. Work tomorrow.

We swim like lions through the crest and bathe ourselves in zebra flesh

It has been incredibly hard to post lately because there is very little that has really changed of any note. My work remains stressful but overall enjoyable. I still, weekly if not daily, encounter situations that I had heretofore no experience with and try piecing answers together with less direction than Ikea furniture comes with. However, I generally learn from my errors. So, the good news is that if you come down the pike in about 6 months I ought to be pretty well schooled.

My weekend workmate, partner in crime, has gone on her maternity leave early. This leaves me with people from the float pool who, hopefully, are versed in the clinic. The last time my cohort was out, I ended up being the MOST experienced member of the group with a number of patients scheduled for the clinic (an error quickly and mercifully remedied by the people up at the top). This could have been a bad thing. I have the capacity to perform a majority of the tasks required at this point........but only IF everything is ready to go and proceeds smoothly. If either aspect fails, then I end up with that blank stare that woodland creatures get when a car's headlights strike them. Hopefully the foresight of those in charge prevails and I dont have to develop a permanent thousand yard stare.

In other news, Tia actually had to turn down an intriguing opportunity this week. It would have taken quite an offer to pry her loose from her current position (she has a great work environment and a stellar group of coworkers) including about a 15% pay increase, and that wasn't part of the offered package. The job would have been more in line with her direct interests, but one always has to be careful what they wish for. They tried though and it is always nice to know you are in demand. I think we both realize how fortunate a position we are in when she can turn something like this down. This economy truly sucks.

The house buying, while not put to bed, is in its pjs waiting to be tucked in. The rise in interest rates caused a corresponding decrease in our interest in purchasing. Plus, it is increasingly clear that our residence is not a highly desirable commodity. Ah well........only a few more months. Int he meantime, my sis found a great place out in Beaverton.

My dad finally made it out to Portland. And not a moment too soon with the unbearable heat of summer already quite pronounced down in Florida. I spent one summer working with him out in the heat and I will forever be thankful that he did that for the family because the weather, especially on blacktop, is unbelievably cruel. I am overjoyed to think of him spending his retirement puttering and tinkering and doing it at his own pace while exploring all the Pacific NW has to offer. You deserve it dad!

Other than that I am agonizing (okay, that's hyperbolic) over the purchase of a netbook to replace my ill mannered laptop (it tries mightily to inflict third degrees burns on whatever surface it rests upon.......frequently the lap. Ouch!). I always take FAR too much time researching these things because I fervently hope that, somehow, I will make the best decision possible and end up with something that will actually last me. Of course, all the research really does is make me wonder aloud if, as soon as I pull the trigger, the next newest greatest will come along. My worst fear isnt that of course, but rather buying a lemon like the one I presently own. On the upside, a netbook is only a fraction of the cost of this POS. decisions decisions.

Saw Up! this past week. Quite good really. Is it sad that between that and Wall-E, I feel like they can now put more emotional depth in a cartoon than in real actors. Also recently watched Benjamin Button which, to me, felt a lot like a less humorous, slower paced, Forest Gump. Of course the acting and the look of the film was fantastic but the story, for whatever reason, didn't get me to emotionally invest in it. Also recently rewatched Back to the Future. Still holds up, though it doesn't have the 'magic' that I remember it having. Might have to rewatch the trilogy.

Well, I have the dreaded Friday (our busiest day of the week typically), Saturday, Sunday rotation this week, so I better shuffle off to lala land. I will try to be better about updates......but unless the mundane becomes the exceptional, it is dicey. Until next time, you stay classy Portland.

To buy or not to buy, that is the question

Though at the moment, the answer is not to buy. Of course, that is subject to change.........weekly perhaps. The summer is a hard time NOT to want to purchase something. To have a yard to hang out in, a garden to root around in, and space to spread out and soak up the sun's rays in private. Its the best way to enjoy all the wonderful things about a Portland summer. Mind you, that summer is, in the scheme of things, relatively brief. The remainder of the year the idea of a yard to maintain in the steady drizzling rain under the dead sky of winter is not at all appealing. So, looking for houses in the summer is the equivalent of beer goggles as far as I am concerned. Unfortunately sobriety doesnt happen the next AM, but rather months later after you are locked in for 30 years.

Other than the constant flip-flopping on housing, not much of note has occurred. Work is starting to smooth out. It is now down to just a few rough patches a day instead of the off-roading feeling it was before. The phone calls still flummox me and there are patient situations that I have no earthly idea how to manage, but mostly I am holding it together and seem to be progressing. I definitely feel fortunate to have landed somewhere that seems fairly stable........though I very much enjoyed my position with the clinic.

Been reading a lot of late, having stumbled upon a series of enjoyable new books. Just finished Lost on Plant China which was another great travel journal by Mr. Troost. I highly recommend his other books as well. I can say, with absolute certainty, that I am forever cured of wanting to visit China after reading this book. Also read Into Thin Air by Jon Krakuer that was fantastic. His personal accounts of the Everest disaster were simply amazing and he boasts a spectacular command of the language. His other books, such as Into the Wild, are also worthly reads. My next forays are back into my geek books, so I will spare anyone those recommendations.

I suppose I should collect myself and actually go out and enjoy the sun.........but lying here staring at it through the window for the time being is compelling in its own right. Such are the difficult decisions one has to make when you have a day off to yourself. Sometimes its nice to just feel content.............that is, until we see another house we want to buy :)

Sticken em

My skills at poking people with a small to medium gauge needle are improving markedly. Yeah for small steps. I am also learning more about the computers and getting the grasp of some of the medications. I still have no idea about most of the paperwork side and I am constantly learning new or better techniques from my coworkers which are a solid group. The weird thing is that the way the schedule works out, you often see certain people maybe once or twice a week tops. Actually, because of vacation, illness, and training, I have only seen my boss maybe one time in the past 4 weeks altogether.

Other than work, I am finally on the official mend. I am nearly normal. Tia, however, is still climbing up that hill. With hope, this will be the last dalliance with the flu for at least 6 months.

Saw Wolverine on the big screen. Kind of like the last Hulk movie........it was better than I expected it to be, entertaining with amazing special effects, and ultimately fluffy and forgettable. Perfect summer fluff.

Tia and I are off to Bend for the weekend to celebrate our 1 year anniversary which also means it has been a full year since I finished nursing school. Bizarre! Hopefully year 2 will yield more stability. I can't handle all this job hopping. It would be truly strange to only have one w-2 form at the end of a year.

The joys and perils of antibiotics

Ah, antibiotics, pharmaceutical's original laxative. How I abhor your side effects. I am, at writing, in my third and final go round with western medications answer to my sinus infection. Thankfully either it is working or something else has changed because the sinus infection is finally clearing. Of course, the rest of my body has been in an unusual state of shambles (a state shared by my now laryngitic wife). I was forced to call out ill on Friday and Saturday and was wiped out from working the majority of my shift on Sunday. I have spent the better part of the last two days prone with either tv remote, laptop, or novel glued to my palms. Thankfully, the weather has cooperated by being unusually damp even by Portland standards, detering all by necessary excursions.

As I have had little experience the past week, I have little to say. I did have opportune to speak to a supervisor and will hopefully get some more focused practice on specific skills rather than the more or less scattershot learning I have been doing. Still, for what I have experienced, the job is a good one. Now if I could get my own proverbial s%$t together.

Have, by and large, given up on the whole housing market for the time being. Or at least will try to ignore it as best as possible. We are intractably tied to this lease, and it would serve us best financially to stop struggling with the knots. A few more months is the mantra of the moment.

Three days in a row begin tomorrow...........then a nice mini-holiday anniversary away in Bend.

Guess who's back?

Well, hopefully the troubles with the now only to be referred to as 'the clinic' are behind me as I have done what I could to ensure there is no reference to them. I did a lot of research and I was not in any way shape or form in conflict with anything that I have written regarding HIPAA, but I am not willing to fight about it when my livelihood is at stake. In the meantime, I have tried to keep up with some postings while the site was dark for maintenance. I hope you will take the opportunity to catch up with me and will be able to follow me forward into the many new and interesting predicaments that I find myself in.

In the meantime, I just finished watching the Wrestler, which was actually better than I had hoped it would be. I try not to expect much of critically acclaimed movies because, typically, that means they are slow and lack clear resolution. I don't mind complexity on occasion, but generally prefer my movies to be escapist in nature. That said, this one was solid fare and well done.

Watched Doubt as well. Really enjoyed the first 2/3, and kind of gradually lost interest as it played out. Again, critically acclaimed means not much happens and the resolution is lacking. Still, good acting.

Quantum of Solace - I am not, by and large, a huge fan of Bond films. I think they are entertaining, but I rarely get excited to see one. However, they have really pushed the stunts to a new level. Utterly unrealistic and insane............and fast paced and exhilarating. The story line, such as it is, just serves as a flimsy vehicle for explosions, shoot outs, and races across scenic locales. Pure popcorn and immediately forgettable. Escapism at its apex.

Off to bed. Tomorrow I get to hear the dentist bitch at me for my poor flossing (absent flossing?) habits.

Piccing on me

This past week was entirely devoted to PICC (peripherally inserted central catheter) training. Quite terrifying since, ultimately, the goal is the thread the catheter from the basilic vein (ideally) just above the elbow on the inner arm to the superior vena cava just over the right atrium of the heart. This isn't exactly the complexity of a surgery, but it isn't as far off as I initially thought.

First, PICC placement involves complete and total sterility. What this means is a series of very VERY specific ways to do things to not contaminate your sterile field. You have to open sterile packages onto a sterile field without contaminating the field by actually touching anything within the field (including the things you are dropping onto the field). If things fall outside of the field, they go in the trash. If you touch inside the sterile field, you risk contaminating the whole thing and having to toss the whole lot and start again. Then, you yourself need to become sterile which involves a gown you cannot touch the exterior of and putting on sterile gloves through said gown (to mimic this at home, try putting winter gloves while your arms remain on the insideof a long sleeved shirt). You also have to be sure to drape the patient appropriately and not touch them or the bed shile sterile.

Once you are in your sterile gown with your surgical hat and mask on (including a plastic face shield) and you are gloved up, you can finally touch the things in your sterile field. There are too many things to really bother naming (and it wouldn't necessarily mean much), but suffice to say they have to be set up in a certain way and there is a specific order in which you progress through the procedure. It is a bit stressful trying to remember all that........especially with the patient awake and often alert waiting for you to begin.

Also, part of the procedure is using an ultrasound to locate the veins you are going to access. I fully appreciate the techs and other medical professionals that have to deal with them. It isn't always as clear a picture as one could hope for honestly. It is a lot of grey and black and exceedingly grainy. Like playing an old Caleco game on a black and white tv.

The actual procedure (don't read this if you are sqeemish............you've been warned) involves accessing the vein with a large needle that you place with the aid of the aforementioned ultrasound, then threading a wire into the vein and removing the access needle. After that, you place a larger holder in place over the wire and into the vein after making a small incision at the access point. You then de-access the guide wire and thread the catheter anywhere from 45-55cm in (depending on the person) and try to place it in the superior vena cava over the Right atrium of the heart. Then you wait for radiology to let you know if you hit the right spot, or if you need to pull it back/advance it. All in all, it can take anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours or more. I certainly NEVER expected that I would be doing something like this.

Another week begins soon enough. Now back to trying to figure out the clinical side of things.

Week #2 & #3

Since I have been mostly lying around in bed today due to a crazy allergy flare that is sticking to me like Popsicle drippings, I thought I ought to blog and hope to post sometime in the nearish future. As a few are aware, I ran into some recent difficulties with a place I will heretofore refer to as 'the clinic' and I have to edit/remove some info that was evidently in question on my blog. In re-reading through it, I am honestly not finding said info, but I am not going to try to root it all out so I can make my blog fully public again. I am a scofflaw evidently.

Week 2 was nearly as busy as week 1 but with the added bonus of knowing some of what to expect. I also have a greater grasp on the new terminology, albeit it a rather tenuous one. I managed to not kill anyone for the second week in a row. Kudos to me! I am still learning a lot about well, everything and the constant switching from clinic to floor work makes it more, not less, confusing. I prefer to focus on one thing until I understand it and then move on to the next skill. Instead, I feel like it is hard to master anything at all.

Week 3 was more comprehensible because someone amongst the powers that be decided that I should spend the entirety of the week learning the clinic instead of bouncing back and forth. There is a lot to learn, but the people are great and seem more than willing to teach (to their benefit once I learn obviously, but it is amazing how some people dislike teaching others). I was able to focus a few days on just blood transfusions which let me practice IV starts, play with copious amounts of tubing, learn the blood pump, practice on Echarting, and learn all the intricacies of transfusions. I even, sadly, saw a reaction (thankfully not on my patient). The woman recovered, but it was alarming just the same. Good thing about working in a hospital though, she was taken straight to the ER (where she recovered nicely).

I am definitely liking the job thus far. A good blend of the things I thoroughly enjoy (clinic type settings, in and out of patient rooms, no total care) in conjunction with some intricate skills that will be very portable. It is also quite amazing how many of the skills I learned in 'the clinic' are coming in handy both in patient interactions and in a variety of needle sticks that I had copious practice with. I have PICC training next. I wish I had a better chance to cement some other skills first, but they will evidently have to wait. I admit, I am more than a little nervous after watching some other PICC procedures.

4 days

I had the idea initially to try and post daily following my shift over the course of my first week of orientation at least. But, by the time I got home after more than 10 hours at the hospital, the last thing I could manage was sustained focus and I lacked any ambition to do more than shovel in some food and curl up to relax and hope to fall asleep so that I wouldn't be in abysmal spirits at 5:45 when I had to get up. So this journal will be a little more retrospective than I had intended.

Day 1: This day wasn't particularly vexing in any way, but left me drained nonetheless. A LOT of computer learning related to charting. They chart everything at the hospital. I would say that a fair chunk of the day is actually spent on the computer writing about what what you did, how long it took, and what equipment you used. I am a little surprised that you don't chart your charting time as well. I found this noteworthy considering just how many patients you see in a day when you are doing rounds. Other than that, I got to explore all areas of one of the hospitals. It is a nice sized hospital, manageable but large enough to accomodate some extremely varied patient acuities. Just the same, I think I will be much happier in the smaller and more sedate confines of Meridian Park. Beyond the computer stuff the day was most akin to my first day in nursing school: a blur of information spoken in terminology so foreign that I couldn't attest whether or not it was actually in English. I just smiled and nodded..........a lot.

Day 2: Returned with my brain still hurting from day 1. Spent the early part of the day learning how to start IVs and change bandages on a rubber arm and then accessed a power port and changed dressing on a rubber chest. If only real people had the delightful combination of bulging stationary veins and the ability to stoically sit motionless as I poked and prodded with my needle. Also, it is nice to have absolutely NO pressure. We spent the second half of the day on rounds looking in on a few patients. I went home exhausted again.

Day 3: Woke up feeling weird. My allergies were in their not uncommon hyperactive state and they were unwilling to leave me physically unscathed. I looked at the mirror to see blood red eyes staring back. Knowing that taking an antihistamine is not my best bet in the AM hours, but having no real recourse other than trying to explain to everyone I met that day that I was not in fact contagious, I opted to take something. Mistake.

We started the day taking one of the phones and two floors. This meant that we would be responsible for the patients on our units and any calls that came into our phone. Thankfully the phone was mercifully silent because, not long after 10, I observed my first IV start. It was evidently not a clear one as my preceptor was having a hard time getting a blood return. I started to feel very loopy and, shortly thereafter, plopped myself down on the chair so as not to pass out. I immediately felt shivers and broke out in a sweat as I willed myself to take slow deep breaths and not pass out in a patient room. I have passed out before, but only in high school for unknown reasons and after giving blood, so I know the feeling just before. However, this time I was able to staunch the wave that had heretofore always managed to overtake me. Would have made for an interesting day. The remainder of the day was uneventful and I learned even more seemingly foreign terminology and went home both confused and a bit concerned about whether or not this job would be a good fit if I couldn't maintain consciousness and all.

Day 4: Looks like it was the meds. We did 9 IV starts (I even managed my first successful one on a patient that was well medicated) and I didn't even feel a twinge of lightheadedness. No more AM antihistamines for me. I will just have to sport sunglasses when my eyes well up and tell people that I am in witness protection or something. The phone was ringing all day long and I got to see quite a bit. Left feeling quite successful and ready to tackle week 2............which will be a whole new orientation to a different hospital. Maybe I should just crawl in bed now so I will be ready for Monday.

1/4 update btw: I had a goal for new year to run 400 miles with aspirations to do 500 if at all possible. Well, 25% through, and I am above pace for 500 (close to 55o actually). I am pretty excited because most resolutions dont last me even this long. Will update again at the half way point. Wish my knees luck.

Inspection day or, as I refer to it, time to freak out!

Well, our offer was accepted on the house. Good in a 'wow we have a nice place to live in' kind of way and bad in a 'what the hell do we do with our remaining lease on our current residence' kind of way. Moving is kind of like Jenga, you can make the whole thing collapse with just a few wrong moves. I wish our place just had a buy out clause, but instead we will be searching for subletters. Hopefully we find someone in the not too distant future.

As for the inspection, nothing major came up, but there were, of course, enough minor things to make me REALLY think about this whole buying a home notion. Good lord there are a lot of things that you just don't give a rip about when you are renting. Some cracks in the floor (how much is that too repair?). Using the wrong possible wiring combinations (electrical safety inspection now required). A furnace in the crawl space that would requiring cutting open the floor to remove it (what in the hell!?!?). Other than that, the usual litany of doors not hung properly, some shoddy worksmanship on the caulking, and other little time consuming but not generally financially onorous repairs. Hurm!

In other news, I finished up my 2 days of hospital orientation which, while somewhat tedious, were actually fairly informative. It is clear they do a WHOLE lot for their employees from discounts at local places to very comprehensive benefits including a traditional pension plan. I feel incredibly fortunate to have gotten a job there, especially in this economic climate. The computer training was a bit less useful, only because I was really only tasked with following a minimal amount of what was covered because my position doesn't require it. Odder still, I was exempted from a lot of the other general hospital training that my friend Bob had to go through when he oriented for the same position fresh out of school. I know I have some experience now, but most of the other people orienting that had to go through the training had far more (years worth) and I can safely assure you they need the general training less than I. Just the same, I am sure I will be fine and not feeling poorly educated and incompetent for two weeks will keep my confidence high.

I better get out to do some running so I can go get my allergy shots this afternoon. What would a weekend be without swollen itchy red arms after all?

Ah, the negotiations.

So, house #1 is a bust. We officially withdrew our offer Friday morning. The short-sale process was taking too long and, honestly, with the aptly named Ozie-Arkies (spell check that for me Tom) out back and the traffic out front, we were falling less and less in love with it. In retrospect, house #1 is too akin to the one we reside in now; wonderful to rent, iffy to purchase. Plus, the place was going to require a fair amount of work to get it to where we wanted it to be. Sadly, Labor costs money. Supplies cost money. The house itself costs money. Where this money actually would come from is anyone's guess. Unless you guessed from us, in which case I would applaud your vibrant imagination where we could live off of the cookie trees and it would rain gumdrops (yum). Combine the funding issue with a lack of time and a general disinterest in renovations of that scale, and you have a losing combination altogether.

Anyway, onward and upward...........we were poking around and found place #2. We are now in the stage where the sellers have our offer and we are awaiting word as to whether the negotiations are to begin in earnest. There is this difficult tightrope you walk when buying. You find out the cost they want to sell it at upfront, then you find the comps in the area (rarely are these two numbers congruent), and then you make an offer that you hope is not so high that they jump at it excitedly (making you feel like you are overpaying) or so low that they reject it outright. The thing that I find most difficult about this is that the response takes some time......1 or 2 business days. Then, you have the same amount of time (roughly) to respond to their response. And so on and so forth. But, we still need to sublet this place, so if it were to not come through, I would be sad but not crestfallen. The balance between finally having a place of our own and the relative savings of not having to move, sublet, and pay a higher monthly payment is difficult to accurately quantify, but still strangely compelling nonetheless. Word to follow when anything actually happens.

rmls: 8108913

link of the moment: who doesn't love the early 90s rap/dance of DJ Cool and also love the Fraggles? Like peanutbutter and jelly really :)

Canucks, Transylvania, & Envy

Oddly enough, I guess this past week was a combination of vacation and being unemployed. Its a weird feeling, but one I could get used to. Starting the day when you want to. Performing tasks at your own pace. With the exception of being broke and Tia staring daggers at me, its pretty ideal. Damn you money!!!

We spent the past week in Vancouver........the, eh, one that pronounces 'ou' like 'oo' not the pseudo-suburb of Portland with the cheaper homes and infuriating commute. It was cold and wet, but enjoyable nonetheless. We walked.........and walked..........and then for good measure walked some more. It is quite a lot like Portland, but on a larger scale. Lots of little shops and eateries in the outskirt neighborhoods and even cheaper eateries closer in to downtown. The large distinction is that the shopping downtown is akin to what you would find at the mall or wandering around the Pearl. We did get to try a Transylvanian bakery (who knew they were so adept at baking, what with the whole Vlad the Impaler thing hanging over them, I just assumed they coasted by on fear tourism or, you know, bloodletting). The bakery items, tiramisu for Tia and a spiced rum cake for me, were spectacular and extremely sweet.

We had them as dessert after stumbling upon a Pho restaurant that had the most amazing Bahn mi sandwich I have had to date. If they could market them correctly the Vietnamese could destroy the business of Subway, Quiznos, or their bretheren. And I say this as a fan of those other places.

The apex of our trip, both literally and figuartively, was a journey between two mountain peaks (well, close enough anyway) in Whistler, the site of the 2010 Winter Olympics, that spans almost 3 miles (nearly 2 of which are unsupported. A few cars even sport glass bottoms so that you can see below (we waited for one and, while the view was truly exhilerating, there was a child onboard who was amongst the most loud, loquacious, and misbehaved as any I have had the displeasure of sharing space with...........and his parents were little more than facilitators. One of the other passengers had the temerity that I wish I had and inferred not indirectly that the parents should no longer breed. We felt every one of the 11 minutes it took to cross to the opposing peak). Definitely the highlight (as well as the lowlight) of the trip to Canuck Country.

We returned feeling fat from our many epicurean adventures (Thai, Vietnamese, bizarre pizzas, Indian, amongst a smattering of others...........although sadly no poutine this trip) and tired from our many amblings about. Having displayed a measure of restraint and financial prudence in choosing a trip we could drive to, we rewarded ourselves with a massage at a place called Massage Envy (http://www.massageenvy.com/), which offers an amazingly low price on your introductory massage. Having little resistence to a massage to begin with, the low price was a cincher (much like the $1 double cheeseburger or $2 pints, I am a sucker for cheap meets want). I opted for the first time to extend the time to a 75 minute massage (instead of the stadard 50) and I am officially ruined for the shorted massages now. Every time I get a massage, I remember immediately how much I completely and utterly enjoy them, and then proceed to not get one for a number of months that follow. Admittedly, this is largely due to the cost. Actually solely do to the cost. But they have a plan that extends the cheap massages throughout the year. Now if I can just convince them to also start serving cheap cheeseburgers and beer!