One last 2013 post

Between not using my slow (and constantly updating) laptop very often and technical difficulties that have lost at least a few drafts this month, I am striving hard to get a post up before the month, and year, ends.

Is there anything more amazing and simultaneously frustrating as a little?  Watching Quinn learning things is incredible.  He is now starting to actively mimic adults.  He seems to learn at least one new word a day.  He is able to follow multi-part instructions (like please go pick up your socks and put them in the dirty bin) and uses some creative thought processes to get what he wants (such as dragging his chair to the high chair to get his snacks).  He intuits a lot of things from observing us.  He picks up my cell phone and says 'hello' and when he gets a hold of keys, he immediately tries to put them in the door to unlock it.  He is learning to share and says both 'please' and 'thank you.'   

And yet, he still bumps his head on pretty much everything, including things right in front of him.  He shrieks/cries at every minor frustration.  He can't seem to not hit our cats.  He wants to take every toy another kid is playing with and shrieks/cries when the same happens to him.  He pushes boundaries constantly.  

But, I know that he is not different from every other little.  They make you laugh and cry.  Overall, it is a pretty darn special thing to watch........though I would love to excise the shrieking. 

As for my depression, things seems to be, at the moment, improving.  I think the hike in my meds has helped as has the support from friends and family both.  I certainly appreciate it.  The counselor was a bust, providing little more than an hour of his ear and absolutely no strategies.  I will pursue it further in the coming year.  I just need to find ways to deal with things and not let my plate spill over.  

One of my major frustrations is my job.  I am weary of the lack of support I am accorded and the seemingly endless delays in the clinic being handed over.  Honestly, my one hope at this point was that OHSU would do something (anything) soon so that the clinic could actually have some forward momentum.  Instead, it remains idling for an indeterminate amount of time (latest target: July 2014).  Left with the mandate to 'be open' just in case we are needed and sending people away when we can't see them for lack of staffing is a fine line to walk and risks a huge loss of business over the long term.  Even the OHSU people were a bit taken about by the lack of volume in our patients overall.  I am left to constantly explain why that is.  I feel like a one legged man being asked why I don't win foot races. 

Between now and whenever OHSU takes over, I am putting out applications at about one per week.  I am not sure if this is a 'grass is greener' mentality, but I am pursuing it nonetheless.  What I am largely finding is that where you end up in the nursing profession is more or less predicated on luck.  I was fortunate to get a hospital job and fortunate to have been selected to run this clinic so early on in my nursing career, but it has also proven to be limiting.  I am not looked in the broader manner that might reward my initiative, self learning, and ability to work independently, but rather in a more acutely focused way that suggests I am an IV nurse period.  This is the double edged sword that exists for many of us.  Out of school, I could no more get a job in an Operating Room here than I could win a footrace with Usain Bolt for not having any experience.  Now I have experience, but not the right kind. 

I want to close by wishing everyone a wonderful new year.  I won't post my resolutions, lest I have to post how badly I fail to complete them, but they are pretty standard fare.  In the meantime, I need to roll back to bed....I am starting the new year with a lingering cold (flu?).  I guess some things don't change.  

Burying the lead

The term “bury the lead” comes from journalism. In a news story, the “lead” is the first sentence, which concisely conveys the main point of the story. A story with a buried lead begins with the secondary details, forcing the reader to continue reading to discover its main point.

I got a pamphlet from the local Jehovah’s yesterday.  As I find most religious pamphlets either offensive or comical, I general read them.   This one skewed heavily towards the latter sensibility.  You see, per this pamphlet, Jesus was a zombie. 

It should be noted that the zombification of Jesus wasn't an explicit statement, but neither was it far from it.  The entire pamphlet’s focus was on ‘raising the dead’ and how there are at least “8 instances of such” in the bible (one of which was Jesus).  By utilizing the power of transference (and magical thinking), if it happened before, it can happen again.  Following this line of logic, it states that you might be able to raise your dead relatives, presumably by wandering around neighborhoods handing out pamphlets (speaking of which, what is the conversion rate for this practice?  Most people I know are pretty horrified by the idea of even opening the door for Jehovah’s, let alone discussing their religious preferences with them.  Would it completely freak them out if you flung open the door, shouted “Let’s get our Jesus on!” and asked them what it entails to convert?).  At any rate, I am not sure what their actual point is, or if they were just aiming for that coveted target demographic of 18-29 year old zombie loving males (don’t believe me?  Check out the ratings for the Walking Dead), but I am all-in!  We can talk about it further when I show up at your door next Saturday morning, pamphlet in hand. 

I struggle with depression.  Struggle is probably the most opportune word.  As such, I know I am also stating that those around me struggle with it too because they have to deal with me.  I used to believe it was seasonal affective disorder and, honestly, that undoubtedly remains a factor.  I know that I feel worse when the sun sets before I leave for work and its visits during the day are, at best, irregular and often short lived.  But more and more I am seeing it as an extension of a more general all-consuming sort of depression: A straight up chemical imbalance.  So, the season change is more akin to making someone with a broken leg walk a mile……and then changing it to a mile up a hill: They are both difficult, but one is surely more so. 

The signs are all there.  The days are becoming a faded facsimile of one another.  I am having a harder time recalling the vague differences between Mondays and Thursdays.  Weekends seem like a desert mirage upon approach and a fading dream by Monday morning.  Sleep is only partially restive and often, while I am definitively not sleepy, I feel groggy and tired.  No amount of sleep seems to correct this. 

Work actually proves therapeutic in some regard because I can ‘put on my professional mask’ and be someone else.  I am not the depressed dad/husband; I am the capable IV nurse.  But I am having a harder time with that as well.  Wearing that mask is exhausting and I have less and less reserve. 

I actively debate taking a leave of absence, but I remain unsure if that will prove advantageous, or rob me of another little bit of who I am.  I wonder if I am not forced to be the person I am at work, will I just drift into being who I am away from it all the time?  Plus, as I am actively seeking out opportunities to bring me into a better/different position, I feel that kind of statement isn’t going to be helpful.  It is one thing to announce to friends and family, quite another to write on your shirt and parade about the hallways. 

Of course, most disappointingly, I wonder how this affects Tia and Q.  I worry about putting an undue burden on Tia’s shoulders, as I feel like she is involved in a greater and greater percentage of Quinn’s time/care as I, turtle like, retreat further into my shell.  I wonder if Q senses my lack of patience, my desire to be by myself, and the frustrations I have with him that are really frustrations at myself for not being more able to accept the mutable moods and manic behaviors of a toddler.  I hope they both know I love them dearly even when it is hard to feel much of anything at all. 

As for what to do, well we shall see what the doc offers up for ideas in a few weeks.  Until then, wait.  

If you want to read more about it from someone who explains it a whole lot better (and with illustrations) check out Hyperbole and a Half

The dumbing

I think that nurses are, by and large, a pretty sharp group.  Same for docs.  Same for most of the people I work alongside every day.  But, not everyone smarts or common sense.  For that, we all suffer. 

I have a sticker across the microwave in my clinic that rather emphatically (it is in all CAPS) states ‘POPCORN PROHIBITED.’   I have never made popcorn at work.  In fact, it has never occurred to me to do so.  I suppose it is because I closely associate popcorn with movie watching.  Sans movie, I have no real yen for it.  Evidently my personal predilections are not universal truths or other sites in the building are providing films.  I am guessing the former over the latter.  So, as seems inevitable with popcorn, someone burned it.  This led to a building clearing evacuation.  Therefore, should I someday be struck with the combination of yearning for and access to microwave popcorn, I will not be able to avail myself of such.  Sad.  

More alarmingly, there is a laminated, with pictures mind you, standard sized paper tag hanging from my O2 canister.  It politely begs, “Please do not use an oxygen cylinder when the gauge is in the red.  They are considered empty.”  To those of us with access to modern forms of conveyance like automobiles, this concept is understood.  When your gas tank is in the red, you had best attend to it or revert to more primitive forms of movement like bipedal ambulation or, at the very least, the use of your opposable thumb to flag down someone with a more comprehensive understanding of the need for fuel in order for the combustion engine to perform.  For those of us without such experience, they provided pictures (a slightly enlarged version of the gauge that appears approximately 24 inches higher up on the cylinder itself).  I guess they hope you will be smart enough to parse this information out in spite of, I imagine, a significant impediment to your reasoning and comprehension skills.    

Most recently they sent out a list to attend to when using Alaris pumps.  Alaris pumps are used for all infusion medications to modulate the drip rate.  This can be done manually, but is far less efficacious.  The email provided a few points such as “Close the Alaris Pump module door first before pushing down on the pivot latch.”  This is akin to saying, close the door before locking the deadbolt.  Dumb enough to be sure, but only the penultimate point of stupidity.  The prime example lies in another point which states, “Do NOT use the device if it is physically damaged.”  That’s right folks, do not use broken, non-functioning equipment. 

So, in summation,

1. Don’t burn popcorn in your microwave (to be safe, just don't use it at all).
2. Don’t hook up an empty oxygen tank to an oxygen dependent patient.  This will not help them.
3. Don’t use broken machines to put medication in your patients. 

I will now spend the rest of my afternoon with my head in my arms quietly sobbing to myself as I know, much in the same way that they have to tell you that even if your shampoo smells strongly of raspberry you still should not eat it, that these ‘reminders’ were sent out because someone somewhere clearly needed them.  You know what, maybe we should all have a good cry.  

Who is Quinn anyway?

I want to write a blog post.  But this, I am finding, is not the easies thing to do.  It is a simple equation that has to be in place for it to happen:

 

Subject + time + motivation = post 

 

I seem to be frequently lacking one of the three ingredients.  Sometimes two.  Sometimes all of them. 

 

Right now I have two of them, but am lacking 'subject' portion.  Hence the hedging.  I thought I might write about what Q is up to.  Then I thought, what is he up to anyway? 

 

Well, he is using more and more words.  Tia spent some time recording them, but now that seems quaint.  He seems to discover a new word a day.  It is interesting what sticks and what doesn't though.  He knows mommy, daddy, his friends Mona and Faye, but seems to never utter the name of our nanny who he spends considerable time with.  He can reliably point out airplanes, find rainbows, locate nearly all his body parts, and blow kisses, but can't remember where his nose is.  

 

He has grown incredibly mischevious, although mostly in adorable ways.  He almost always precedes his acts with a wry smile and direct eye contact before locating a belly button, tickling toes, draining the water out of his bath (repeatedly) or rifling through every cabinet without a lock. 

 

He fully understands how to play with the cats via their cat toys, but reliably gows bored with this in short order and turns them into swatting sticks (never underestimate the casual cruelty of children......they just don't understand causation). 

 

He is filling up his upper gums with teeth, but manages just the pair on the bottom. 

 

He still loves hats of all kinds and would rather wrestle on the mattress than just about anything else. 

 

He shows his affection through very deliberate (and very gentle) head bonks, which he will reliably dole out upon request. 

 

He loves to dance. 

 

He is tempermental. 

 

He is excedingly clever. 

 

He hates to be ignored, even if it just for a few minutes and was doing something on his own anyway. 

 

He loves to be outside.  He would prefer to be outside naked.  

 

He is shy in large groups.  

 

He laughs easily and often (and infectiously).  

 

He loves cereal in the morning with his mom.

 

He loves emptying the diswasher.  

 

He hates having his diaper changed.  It is like changing a whirlwind.  

 

He has discovered (much to our dismay) shrieking.  

And he changes a little bit every day.  

 

As for things that are not changing, work remains the same.  Still no help, but also little interference.  Still no idea when the clinic will pass into other hands nor if I will be around to see it go (of my own volition).  In the interim, just trying to hang on.

Found a new blog I had to share.  So funny. Check it out if you get a chance.  

 

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/07/dog.html

RBC you ain't messing with me

Competence should be the least of anyone's expectations when seeing a professional in any field.  I want my hairstylist to have it.  The chef at a restaurant.  The server.  The staff at a local fast food eatery.  My doctor.  And so on.   So why is it so hard to find?

Tia and I have been trying, largely in vain it seems, to find someone to help us investing our money.  We were with Ameriprise, but some thin skin and general weirdness turned that sideways quickly.  We then met with a fellow recommended from a patient, and he was nice, professional, and flexible, but we, for whatever reason, just lacked faith in his ability to advise us (his background did not mesh with the financial field, not even tangentally and his fees were also on the high side).  We then took a recommendation from Tia's sister, which found us is one of the fancy high rises downtown.  They were very professional, very formal, and seemed to have a good grasp on the market.   We thought about it and, though we were a bit uneasy about their investment strategy (diversification was more or less related to how they parsed the money between large and mega cap stocks, not through sprinkling money in ETFs, mutual funds, bonds, and stocks), we thought we would give it a go.  Well, their usual assistant was evidently out the week we submitted paperwork and the replacement made a few erros.  We emailed about them and they told us to just 'scratch them out and write the correct numbers.'  We felt uncomfortable with that and requested, when their regular assistant returned, new corrected paperwork.  This is the email chain that followed (edited to only pertain to the issue at hand):

1. sent to RBC on 9/29

Hi John,

I was signing the paperwork and had a few questions for you.

1) The fee you listed in the email was 1.25%, but the paperwork says 1.5%.  Which is correct?  It also says that it is the % or $500, whichever is greater.  Is the $55 minimum per account?  It looks like i have 5 accounts and Bryan has 2, so that could add up quickly if it is $500 per account.

Tia

2. Response on 9/30 from RBC

Tia,

I did not look at the paperwork before it was sent out...the correct annual fee is 1.25%; we can either send new paperwork, or you can scratch out the 1.5% and replace with 1.25% on the form.

James is back in today, so we'll work with him to get things finalized. My apologies for the goof-up.

Thank you both for your patience.

John

3.  To RBC on 9/30 

John,

I'm sure you can understand, based on our previous experience, that we're not thrilled that there is already an error right out of the gate.  Do you not have review processes in place?  Are there steps in place to make sure errors don't happen when it comes to actually dealing with our funds?

Thanks,
Tia

4. From RBC on 9/30

Tia,

Excuses are lame, but this happened during a long-scheduled week off by James Galloway, Tom's and my client associate. The woman who stood in for James does an excellent job, yet the advisors she usually supports have fee schedules that don't track with our team's. If anyone's to be blamed here, it has to be me.

While I cannot guarantee that there will never be another oversight, I hope you understand both our diligence to getting errors remedied, as well as our commitment to avoiding them in the first place.

Don't hesitate to call Tom or me should you wish to discuss this further. Once again, I apologize for the inconvenience.

John

5. To RBC 10/1

Hello,

In thoroughly reading through the paperwork we were sent to sign, there are several errors.  We don't want to judge your team on the work of someone you don't usually work with.  Can we have James complete the paperwork for us to sign and have him re-mail it?  You can leave Bryan as the beneficiary for all of the accounts, but we need them filled out so he can approve trades as well.

Thank you,
Tia

6. To RBC 10/8 after receiving no response nor any paperwork

John, James, et al,

I was writing about the paperwork that was, I thought, going to be sent out again.  We have yet to receive anything, nor any further correspondence regarding the matter.  Is the paperwork on its way to us? 

If the paperwork has not been sent out, I think we will look elsewhere for assistance with our investments.  Unfortunately, due to our previous history with Ameriprise, we are not inclined to move forward with this many missteps at the outset.

Regards,

Bryan and Tia Kauffman

7. From RBC on 10/8

Tia,

Responding to your email, below, with the exception of the fee mis-statement, our sense is that we've performed as promised. Here's a brief timeline of what's gone on from our perspective:

9-20-13 James called Brian, who confirmed he received the email with the client worksheets and would get the information back to James when he had a chance.

9-24-13 The account forms were completed, in James' absence, buy a backup client associate in our office based on Brian's information and mailed to your address of record.

10-1-13 The forms included an erroneous fee, of which you informed us; I told you the fee would be corrected.  James sent forms giving the spouse Trading Authority for all accounts and left a voice message for you telling her the forms were mailed and if you had any questions to please call James. the next we heard from you was your email of yesterday.

The paperwork sent to you - again with the exception of the fee amount (which was changed immediately when you brought it to our attention) - is exactly as Brian originally filled out in longhand and returned to us. Yet, you say in your email of October 1, below, that "there are several errors".

Frankly, we're a bit perplexed at what is your obvious frustration. As far as I can see, "this many mis-steps" is limited to an immediately-corrected fee error in the original documents returned to you and Brian for signature. None of us have been able to identify the other, "several errors" you mention in your e-mail of October 1.

Tom, James, and I take client service very seriously and endeavor to provide all clients a level of service and response that will, at the very least, meet their expectations; in practice, we think that most feel we exceed those expectations. We regret that you, quite clearly, don't feel the same way. Any of us are available to discuss this further and would be pleased to call you if you'll let us know a convenient time.

Obviously, it's your call on where to go from here.

sincerely,

John

8.  My response 10/9

John,

On October the 1st, Tia emailed a request to you and to James requesting all the original paperwork be re-sent to us with corrected fee information.  My inquiry was largely related to whether or not this has been addressed and new paperwork sent out.  If this has not occurred, we can conclude our business and move on.  If it has been sent out, as we had requested, we can move forward once it arrives.  We have received the other paperwork James sent out on the 1st, but not the paperwork we requested. 

Regards,

Bryan Kauffman

9. Response (evasion) from RBC 10/9

Brian,

I've left a message on your cell for you to call...suffice it to say, we're confused.

John

10. Tia re-forwards the original email detailing our request.

11. Response from RBC 10/9

Tia,

I would really  appreciate either you giving me a call, or letting me know a convenient time I could call you to discuss what's going on here in person.

thank you,

John

12.  At this point, we give up and let them know we won't be working with them. 

So, in summation, this is all about a packet of paperwork they sent us that had the wrong charge information.  They offered to "either send new paperwork, or you can scratch out the 1.5% and replace with 1.25% on the form."  We requested new paperwork and, evidently, this proved mystifying.

Also, don't let the backdoor hit ya on the way out.  We don't knowingly invest with fools.  

Investments & tat pic

I feel like I am pretty well informed about investing money.  I know the difference between a stock and a bond (FYI: the difference is owning a piece of a company and loaning money), and how bond prices correlate with interest rates (inverse).  I understand, roughly, what the words, large cap, mega cap, small cap and mid cap mean.  I know what a mutual fund is vs. an EFT.  I even have a good handle on compounding interest.  So, why is it that I feel utterly lost when I start reading about managing it without an advisor?

I think the big problem is time.  I am never inclined to act terribly quickly until I am ready...and then I just go!  But, I like to read, research, and feel comfortable with my decision before making it.  This, unfortunately, does not always lead to the best decisions, but I like to believe it leads to more of them than not.  So, when looking into investing, I want a deeper understanding of what I am doing.  Only the market is so complex that it is hard to grasp it's intricacies.  I think that is why so many people, even financial advisors, just use mutual funds.  They dont really have to do or know much other than look at fund performance and understand the mixes inside those funds and try to match them to their investor profiles (or in many cases, just suggest proprietary funds that offer a better financial renumeration for themselves). 

The facts are pretty straightforward, though short term volatile.

1. The longer you are in it for (the longer you have until retirement) the more you should be in the stock market.  Historically, you will find no better return rate.  However, you must be willing to look away when the market tumbles and not panic.  Panic here is the enemy.  If you sell when it is falling and buy when it is rising, you will lose money.  But, it takes a certain kind of intestinal fortitude to buy when everyone else is selling.  I guess you should just think of it like a sale.  "Microsoft is 25% off today!" 

2.  Savings and CDs are a security blanket and nothing more.  They are akin to a raft with a slow leak.  You may make it to the shore, but your raft will be in bad shape.  With the average inflation being over 2.2% over the last decade (http://inflationdata.com/Inflation/Inflation/DecadeInflation.asp) and the average interest rate on savings being less than half that (most less than 25% of that number) you are losing purchasing power.  This is something I know and have a hard time letting go of. 

3.  Investing in precious metals like gold is a fools game (http://www.nber.org/papers/w18759), which is why the real money is in buying it under value (CASH4GOLD) and selling it at market price.  This model of buying for less than something is worth and then selling for what it is actually worth will, of course, work with EVERYTHING.   

4. Your own home is generally not a great overall investment, though it is better than savings:

The ultra-long-term reality is that, according to data from Robert Shiller, the real (inflation-adjusted) return on house prices has been just about 0%, albeit punctuated by some sharp booms and busts along the way. While many have built significant long-term equity in their homes, it has been less about real investing returns and more about the simple result of investing with leverage in something that appreciates at the rate of inflation, and having a mortgage obligation as a form of "forced savings." In addition, living in a personal residence saves the cost of paying rent elsewhere, and that shelter-as-return can ultimately enhance wealth…with the caveat that it must be balanced against the impact of paying mortgage interest (as paying more in mortgage interest than you would have paid in rent can actually result in less wealth, not more).  It should really be viewed as an asset, not an investment for the reasons listed above and the lack of 'liquidity' it offers. 

So, how should you invest your money?  Hell if I know.  Just know that no one else really does either (or at least not the people who will be sharing it with investment magazines, tv shows, or your personal advisor).  The people who have a pretty strong idea are already wealthy and probably gathering even more wealth as we speak.  The rest of us are just trying to guess correctly.  And the major word I hear over and over again is diversification.  Put your acorns in many tiny holes and hope that some of them survive the winter.  In the meantime, strongly consider hollowing out a mattress and filling it with cash, start a successful (though short lived, highly dangerous, and ultimately leads to the destruction of your family) meth empire, or give it to someone who most convincingly feigns to understands any of this but is, for a small fee, somehow willing to share this information with you.  But ultimately, just feel damn lucky you have to consider it all in the first place vs. living in a situation where you are far more focused on the base of the pyramid in Maslow's heirarchy of needs.

Oh yeah, and here is my tattoo:

Ink Master

I know a lot of people eschew television.  I am sure the reasons are varied.  For us, it is the combination of a lack of time to watch it, a lack of interest in watching very many shows, and the prohibitive cost considering the other 2 factors.  If it were, say, $20/month, I am sure we would still have cable and not just use an antenna.  Honestly, I bought the Roku thinking we would use that, and I rarely do.  Thankfully, the cost of the Roku and the cost of the antenna were negated by just one month of not having cable. 

My point, and I do have one, is that in spite of the fact that we watch little TV (wasting our down time on the internet instead), I see some positive effects of it.  Now, I want to be clear, there is a lot of crap on TV that I cannot imagine has any positive effects.  If you glean any life lessons from Keeping up with the Kardashians or The Real Housewives of (insert city here) or find anything redeeming in the Bad Girls Club or Toddlers in Tiaras you let me know.   But, sometimes we just want to be entertained (hello football).  Sometimes, however, it can change how you view things.  

Case in point: food.  I have learned more about food from TV than almost anything else save eating.  I know far more about preparing, cooking, and presentation (not that I have mastered any of the 3) from shows like Top Chef and No Reservations.  From the latter and from Andrew Zimmern, I have learned to try (and I succeed far more often than not) foods outside of my comfort zone.  From this, I have learned to like a much broader variety and am always clamoring for something new and different.  This palate expansion has also expanded (to a lesser degree, but still significantly) Tia’s palate.  I may not like all the things I have tried, but I have tried them because they have been demystified on TV. 

So, in a roundabout way, I can credit (blame?), TV for my new tattoo.  I have long found them interesting, but the idea of walking into a shop and trying to pick an artist or a design was frankly intimidating.  Plus, the actual tattoo itself seemed like it would be painful and bloody.  Ultimately, it was neither (well, barely both actually).  The show, Ink Masters, led me from conceptualization to realization.  It demystified the process in the same way as the cooking shows did.  It gave me some ideas on what to look for in an artist, how to pick a shop, and what the process would be like.  It alleviated my fears.  

So, this past Sunday (nigh 2 days ago) I found myself in a chair with someone jabbing an ungodly amount of small needles into my arm.  It felt less like needles going into your arm and more like they were scraping across it.  The tattoo gun is so rapid that, after the first few seconds, you don’t notice it much more than a tingling sensation with rare blips of minor pain.  Following the tattoo, it feels raw…..almost sunburned (and still feels that way, though less, today).  Evidently over the coming weeks it will dry and peel and then, it will just be there.  For now, it is just a strange site.  It’s as though I expect it to wash off one day in the shower.   But, I am very pleased with the result. Now the next question is, will I want another?

Pic to come once it heals up.    

Random thing to remember on a shitty day: A patient of mine’s sister called yesterday to ‘see I was working today, because they were going to cancel otherwise’ as they ‘had a tough experience the last time in.’ This same patient had already transferred clinics due to difficulty accessing her veins.  I had the good fortune of being successful on my first try.  I am evidently the only one who has had this success.  So, with much trepidation, she came in for her medication and I was able to get her again on my first attempt.  After which she said, ‘I hope they are paying you what you are worth’ and wanted to be certain I would be there on her next apt.  Her sister hugged me and thanked me.  It feels good to have that positive feedback.  God knows if I will make it 3 for 3 the next time though!  

generic update

Trying to tie up a bunch of disparate events with some overarching story line that binds them together nicely like the better episodes of your favorite sitcom, but failing due to a lack of a roomful of writers so I will just go bullet point style instead. 

-          If you aren’t watching Breaking Bad, I am sure you are a lot more heart healthy than I because it feels like someone is sitting on my chest while I watch it.  Utterly amazing.  Both sad that it is winding down and impatient to see how they pull it off.

-          Sun River was a pretty darn successful family jaunt.  Cars = ability to stop and stretch at random intervals.  Plane = cramped with unhappy and very squirmy kiddo (same for dad).  So, while the theoretical 3.5 hour journey took more like 5 hours inclusive of stops, it made for a happy baby and happy parents.  As for the place itself, it was really nice/strange.  An entire planned community down to the stores, trails, and recreation center.  Massive undertaking I am sure, but quite lovely results.  I think Q will enjoy it more when he is a bit older.  For now, he just really liked playing in the sand and probably enjoyed the water feature at Wilsonville Park more than the massive waterpark like SHARC (link) rec area.  He also was not a huge fan of the lava tube.  Dark and cold is not for Q. 

-          Night Terrors = Holy shit!   Quinn got his first one of these and oh my god it was terrifying….perhaps more so for us.  He just screamed for the vast majority of an hour and refused to open his eyes.  Like he was in a trance.  How come there are no such things as night joygasms?  Same reason I wonder why dementia is always negative (people stealing from you, poisoning you, etc) vs amazing (thinking you are drinking cocktails in the Carribbean, thinking your ham sandwich is a perfectly cooked steam, etc). 

-          Work = Same old shit.  Just trying to persist until OHSU takes over.  Though, the most recent negotiating stances are not looking too hot (link).  Will be interesting to follow it from afar, but they are going to a mediator, which is the first time this has happened since the strike in 2001 (which lasted about 2 months). Main obstacle seems to be the retirement funding.

-          Meanwhile at Legacy, they did another survey of the field and are bumping us another 2% and then, in January (should I still be employed by Legacy and not OHSU), another 2% for having my BSN.  And, I ought to be eligible (again, if I am still employed with Legacy) for something when my anniversary comes up in March. None are big jumps and none will certainly put me any closer to my goal of retiring in….well, now really, but totaled they are certainly very nice indeed.

-          Sign I am getting old: I am super excited about a new Mazzy Star record.  Evidently the last release from said artist was 17 years ago when I was finishing up high school.  Sigh. 

-          Sign I am getting old #2: I am way more amped up for 3 books from my favorite authors coming out within 2 weeks of one another than I am about any movie, concert, or show this past year.  Hope this is a geeky trait I can pass on. 

-          Not missing TV yet.  Still able to catch Breaking Bad online along with my current favorite (or at least currently airing favorite) reality show Ink Master.  At least until Top Chef returns.  Plus, throw in Parks and Rec to complete the TV set.  Other than that, don’t really follow anything else.  Feeling more and more like a cultural nomad. 

-          Psyched for Sunday.  Will see if I feel the same way after. 

Fees fees fees

The thing about money is that it is highly confusing.  The more you have, the more confusing it gets.  Or in the words of the immortal Jay-Z, "Mo money, mo problems."   Of course, I would love to know what kind of problems the amount of money he has might be.    

When I was really young, it was making sure I had gas money and maybe something to go out.  If I didn’t, then I went nowhere.  As I got older, it was as simple as balancing my checkbook and making sure bills got paid on time.  Then, when I got married, it was trying to figure out how to balance 2 differing views of finances (thankfully not wildly different), putting money into retirement, and shuffling multiple accounts to pay bills.  Now it is all of those things plus money for Quinn’s college and trying to oversee our investments, you know the ones we pay someone to oversee.  It starts to feel overwhelming and things start to fall through the cracks some.  Mostly it is the investments. 

What we are learning is that our advisor did a good job getting us to pull together all our debt and investments, make sure we had adequate insurance coverage, and had open discussions about our finances.  What she was poor at, was actually investing our money.  Our returns have been pretty much flat and the fees wiped out what monies we might have made.  Those ‘fees’ end up being somewhere north of $3000K annually without any real clarity as to where and why.  We just kind of assumed it was standard practice…and are only now finding out that isn’t necessarily the case.  Sadly it took something as innocuous as Tia filling out an online survey that has led us down the path of changing with whom and how engaged we are with our finances (In the survey in question, Tia just mentioned that Erin had forgotten to do things on occasion that she said she was going to do and it turned into something much much bigger than it should.  This also explains why we have no interest in continuing with Ameriprise, even with a different advisor).  Truthfully, it feels like one more thing on an already growing pile, but I suppose we will need to carve out the time somehow.   It is kind of important after all. 

So, now we sit on the precipice of another meeting with another advisor where we will try hard to explain our position, monitor an active toddler, and decipher the financial speak that permeates but rarely seems to find permanence in my mind.  And hope that this time it works out better.  At least we didn’t figure this out many years down the road. 

Speaking of down the road, it is looking more and more like moving will occur sometime down the road too.  The reality has been eye-opening to say the least.  Ultimately, there is no ‘inexpensive’ place to live in Portland and the surrounding areas.  The property taxes and all the addendums to them that Portlanders love to support (hello Art Tax) are onerous, but not much more so than elsewhere.  You are still going to pay about $1000-$1100 per $100K in home value.  And the homes are all about the same as well, save a few pockets where premium prices predominate (and those aren’t areas we live in nor can or want to afford to live in).  West Linn, Milwaukie, Oak Grove, Eastmoreland, Tigard…and on and on, are all about the same.  If you want 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and somewhere near 1500-2000 sq feet, you are going to pay between $250-$350K.  And, if you are near the bottom of that price point, it is likely the house is going to need updating, so you might as well not bother.   Sigh.  For now, it is looking like private schools will be the way to go.  Though thankfully we are many years from that.  

Work is finally (at least theoretically) going to slow down some.  We officially disengaged ourselves from the Park, and the Hood on Tuesday.  They are now in the hands of OHSU.  As for this clinic, still no word.  Maybe eventually…maybe not at all.  All possibilities remain in the air.  In the interim, keep showing up until I hear otherwise. 

Quinn is starting to enter his ‘shyness’ around strangers phase.  It is kind of cute really, since it generally involves him running to either Tia or I to ‘hide’ or be picked up.  Big change from his usual social butterfly self.  Will be interested to see how long it lasts. 

Off to work another day.  

Sitting waiting watching

Feeling particularly strange at the moment.  Had one of my 'flash migraines' earlier, took some meds and fell asleep (while Tia mercifully took Q out somewhere).  Now I feel spacey and kind of hungover.  Actively tossing around the idea of a 'sick day' tomorrow, though this one might actually be justified.

Spent the last 2 days up at SC in Vancouver filling in for sick calls.  At least that clinic is comparably close and I get to go against traffic both directions.  Plus, it is nice to work with other people.  I worked with a gal the other day who seems to be having a rough go of it with the charge up there.  It is a bummer, because I really feel like she is a nice person (though Tia says she no longer will take my opinions of anyone at face value because I get along with most everyone).  I admit that, much like the charge at MP, I completely don't mind working with them because they are competent and skilled, but I also would hate working for them at their sites because they adhere to zero patient standards (ambulatory and ability to self care are requirements) and let doc offices trample/bully them.

While I was working with the nurse in question (Julie) she was telling me she worked with a float (Diane) I worked with out at Mt Hood who, after what was evidently a rough day, apparently told Julie that "Bryan would just tell such and so patient/doctor to find some other place to go."  And it is true.  I also hear that from my direct supervisors who would love nothing more than to have me run the other clinics scheduling for that reason alone.  While I worked with the float at Mt Hood, I refused to perform a phlebotomy on a patient who couldn't transfer with even a 2 person assist.  I also have turned away patients who are otherwise inappropriate for the clinic, fired patients who neglect to show up or call 3 times, and tell doctors and their offices repeatedly that I cannot take their patients when I feel it is unsafe.  None of these things make me belligerent or fall outside of the parameters of what we SHOULD be doing in our clinics, however, most do little more than take the patients and deal with it.  Which is why I would have HUGE problems working at the other sites under those charges.  The big difference is, I would make it known instead of just dealing with it.  I am not big on brooding in the dark for long.  I prefer to eventually just have it out and deal with it.

That isnt to say I don't think I am a very accommodating nurse/employee.  I absolutely try to get my patients in when I have the availability.  I also take very good care of my patients at all sites.  It is a big of a brag, but I hear it often when I visit other sites how much the patients like me (this little old lady thanked me for being so nice just the other day and I got a heartfelt thanks from a pt at MH who I worked with a few times over the months who told me how much he appreciated my positivity and listening to him).  I take considerable pride in that connection with the patients because it isn't like they are visiting a hair salon or a restaurant, they are seeing me for medical conditions that are at times debilitating.  I feel like, as such, they deserve nothing less than skilled care, a positive attitude, and any measures I can provide to make them feel comfortable and at ease.  It is the thing that I feel separates the good nurses from the mediocre, and that is remembering that patients are people and not just a series of hurdles you have to cross to make it through the day.  Hell, I know I even forget that at times.  

Not much else on the horizon at present.  Spent the last few nights at various parks around us listening to summer concerts with Q.  I have to post my new favorite current pic of him running through the water feature during the last show.  Also took him to the children's museum, for the first time today.  Total blast!  He spent most of it between the toddler area and a room full of dump trucks and rubber 'dirt'.  Can't wait to take him back.  

We tried

Having a small child certainly makes it hard to blog.  Honestly, I am only writing now because he is out with his momma (meaning they will be home any minute).  On to it.

We continue to try to find a place in Milwaukie.  We have had to kill off the idea of building or splitting a lot for the time being; too expensive.  Plus, too much time that we just don't have.  We found a lot that was dividable, but it turns out that means you need to get approval from the city planners.  They would need to issue a variance (which costs money) and could be even more expensive if they ask you to make improvements.  Then you have to contact water, gas, electric, etc and have those hooked up.  That costs money.  Then you will probably want to have, you know, landscaping, fencing, and some means of getting from the road to your house.  You guessed it, more money.  Long story short, even splitting a lot and lowering our overall cost by about a third still put it pretty much beyond reach.  So, back to the drawing board.

One of the main reasons we wanted to split a lot with Tom and Diane was an effort to try to create more of a communal/familial vibe.  Help each other out and work collectively on the land itself.  I am not writing the idea off completely, but it clearly is going to have to come about another way.  

Shifting gears, we are currently waiting on lab tests for our kitty Dexter.  Based on his initial lab work, they think he might have cancer.  Chemotherapy exists for cats but it is both expensive and of little value in extending the life of your pet, so it isn't on the table.  They can pretty much offer him steroids......and I haven't read more yet in an effort to 'keep positive' because I am going to break the eff down when I lose him.  Still hoping it is something simpler and correctable.

So much for floating less at work.  They changed the schedule after my meeting with Vicky to make it so I don't float near as much.  Well, they at least made it so I don't float as much through advanced scheduling, but I am still all over the god damned place when sick calls come in.  I spent a day at the Park and a day at MH last week.  I got a message to go to SC (in Vancouver) tomorrow and then I am scheduled for the Park again on Friday.  In theory this kind of shit should happen less once the other clinics go away in September (then it will leave our department with only my clinic and SC), but it seems like an interminable wait.  Maybe I should just be 'sick' tomorrow too.

Not much else of note.  Quinn has learned the pleasures of spinning until he loses his balance, climbing into his toy box (and any other box), making pretty much everything into a hat (including his actual hat), and generally just being a silly goof.  He is (98% of the time) a lot of fun.  He will wear you clean out, but we still laugh every day with him.

Cutting the cord

Well, it is official, we are cable/satellite free.  How long we will be is the question as I cannot recall ever not having cable.  Even in college, it seemed a necessity of sorts.  And yet, in the past 2 weeks (well, close to anyway), it has not been missed.  I still have a satellite dish to take down (it is evidently 'ours' as Direct TV will not remove them nor accept their return) and an antenna to install in it's place, but for the past few weeks we have been using the ROKU and watching TV online, if watching anything at all.

Now I won't profess now (or likely ever) to be anti-television.  I still have shows I really like and will try to find online (Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Parks & Rec, Top Chef) and will want to watch at least some live football, but I honestly think I can find those shows through other means and for far less than the nearly $70/month the second year of our two year deal was costing us.   In fact, paying that much for as little time as we spent watching TV seems patently absurd in retrospect.  Like all other things, it comes down to cost/benefit, and the cost was outweighing the benefit for now.  I hope it stays that way for awhile.

Work is at least somewhat better now that I don't float as much (thanks to my manager for intervening on my behalf).  I have 2 more float days this schedule (3 total over 6 weeks), but it is less than half what I was originally scheduled to do.  The last few days (and most of the last week honestly) things have been really slow with a pretty incredible 'no show' rate.  Even my float out to Mt. Hood yesterday resulted in little more than a few PIV placements and not much else.  It has been a nice lull, but it makes the days and weeks seem so much longer than they are.

We are in the contemplation stage regarding moving......again.  This time to Milwaukie.  The idea is that the schools are better, the houses somewhat less expensive, and we could procure some more space for Q to roam about.  The reality is that it will not be easy to do.  But, if we find the right fit, maybe.  Per our Realtor, and with what we are seeing around us, our house has appreciated quite a bit since we purchased it over 2 years ago.  Something in the neck of 20%.  This is somewhat astounding to me, but also pretty awesome.  However, that is happening around us as well.   So, Milwaukie homes are not proving to be all that much cheaper.  The taxes are also about the same.  Oh yeah, and Q won't be going to school for another 4 years and, in the interim, we will both be losing our easy commutes, proximity to Parks/restaurants, and our house which we both really like.  So, again, I think it will have to be a near perfect storm.  But, it is fun to look in the interim.

Gotta run.  Q will be awake again soon enough.

1 year

Quinn is now 1 year old.  1 year removed from that night that is still seared into my memory for its general confusion, borderline hysteria, and a gnawing fear that we wouldnt all make it out okay.  Mercifully we all did. 

 

What followed was 4 months (plus probably a few weeks) that remain somewhat fuzzy in retrospect.  Did I really stay up nights until 330 in the morning with him?  Did we really sleep as little as it seems?  Was it as bad as I remember?  All I can be sure of is that it wasnt pleasant and at times, perhaps much of the time, it seemed like it wouldn't ever end.  

 

And then, slowly at first and then with increasingly alacrity, it did.  The 'formula' that changed everything.  Yes there was still reflux.  Yes there were still times of screaming with seemingly no cause, but it was less and less and much more manageable because of it.  He started putting on weight and stopped needing to be bounced up and down trampoline style following each meal.  The world began to be more or less 'right.'  

 

Since then things have rarely been easy and have become constantly different.  There is no more 'sleeping in' on the weekends.  There is no such thing as a 'quick run to the store' nor a few hours spent going from place to place.  Our house is always 'messy', even when it is not.  Our pets, our yard and our house are much harder to maintain for lack of time (and often fatigue).  Alternately, there is a lot more smiling and laughing.  A lot more adventure.  A lot more experiencing the world in a way I havent since I was a kid myself.  Plus it is fascinating to watch him 'become' a little person.

 

As for whether or not we will opt to repeat this experiment, I still have no idea.  I would say I lean heavily towards 'not a chance in hell', but that would be disengenuous.  Honestly, I don't know.  And, even if I did, time has a way of blunting the edges of resolve.  3 years ago (hell, probably closer to 2 than 3), I would have said that there was not a chance in hell we would have Quinn.  And now I can't imagine it any other way.   

Warehouse deals and at least all kids are pretty much the same

Who doesn’t love a bargain?  Clearly pretty much everyone does or there wouldn’t be so many ‘sales’ going on all the time (I am looking at you Macy’s).  No one wants to pay retail.  However, with something like a shirt, it is hard to really compare the prices, especially when companies sell their own brand(s).  As such, I am claiming my love of Amazon Warehouse Deals. 

For reasons that defy easy explanation (at least to me) Amazon sells ‘used’ goods for as much as, if not more than, 50% off.  I have purchased quite a few things through that service and, thus far, the discount is almost exclusively due to damaged packaging.  Buoyed by my recent spate of small purchases, I decided to go all in and buy something I have had my eye on for some time, a Dyson vacuum.  I know I am a bit obsessed by vacuums (much to my wife’s chagrin), but am starting to see them the same way I view shoes.  You can buy a few pair of cheap shoes or one pair of really good ones and, over the long term, the good pair will outlast the cheap ones and eventually save you money (even if you were reluctant to spend 3 times the price of the cheaper shoes at the time). 

I waffled a lot on my vacuum purchase.  Reviews (opinions) are like assholes after all, everyone has one.  So, for every few glowing reviews on (insert whatever vacuum), there was a scathing one.  No matter if you were talking about a $70 basic vac or a $1499 Miele (I shit you not, they literally can cost that much).  After visiting a vacuum store and nearly convincing myself and Tia that we needed something in the $700-$800 range (though we didn’t want to spend more than $500), I opted for the Dyson because of the availability of expansion tools,  the cost of those tools, the certification from the asthma and allergy foundation, and the low maintenance costs (no bags, reusable filters). 

Dyson’s are not cheap, the retail price was $470, and you can pick up a refurbished model (something I did with my Ipad, though that was through the manufacturer) for about $350, but that cuts the warranty from 5 years to 6 months.  Or, you can buy a ‘used’ model that comes in the original packaging (albeit damaged packaging), unopened, with full warranty for about $320.  Since this isn’t an action figure and I have no intention of displaying it and keeping it ‘in mint condition’, the condition of the surrounding box is of little consequence to me.  So, in summation, the box that the Dyson comes in is evidently worth about a full third of the cost of the machine, or around $150 dollars.  Gotta love Amazon Warehouse!  

I am super excited to use the vac (I realize this is pretty lame but honest) and will write more once I get the opportunity to use it. 

To kind of liven things up, I am compelled to write about an experience we had this weekend with some friends.  They have 2 kids (there was another couple with a child there as well), the oldest of which is their 3 year old daughter.  We all met up at a park for a picnic.  In the middle of the park is a large fountain that, I would guess, no less than 30 kids were running through.  After our picnic dinner, the kids all went to play in the fountain for a bit before this exchange:

Dtr: “I have to go poop”

Parent: “Okay the bathroom is……

Dtr: (pulls bottom of swimsuit down and poops on the concrete next to the fountain). 

I am sure it was mortifying (they seem like really good parents), but I told them they needed to write it down because it will be something to absolutely laugh at later on.  Really puts in perspective Mr. Q taking his dump on our living room floor (and this morning urinated on the hardwoods in his room in the minute between cleaning up his dirty diaper and getting out a clean one after I set him on the floor so he wouldn’t fall). 

Vomit and shit oh my

 Being the proud owner of 3 cats (all of which sport long hair) I clean up a LOT of vomit.  Far too much of it really.  There is nothing appealing about it, but at this point it has become frequent enough that it no longer fazes me in the least.  It is just like any other crummy task that has to be done.  I will say this though, the spot cleaner I purchased for just such occasions has been WORTH EVERY PENNY (and then some).  

Being the proud father of a little boy (or a GI tract with legs) I now have intimate experience with shit as well.  Lots of it.  Many times daily.  It is my least favorite part about being a parent.  I am able to suppress, for the most part, my gag reflex, but I have never quite gotten over my disdain for all things fecal.  Still, it is all part of the job and frankly there is no way around it. 

Being an IV nurse, I see a lot of blood.  Occasionally, I get to collect urine and feces as well (thankfully not a common task).  I used to dislike dealing with blood, but I have come to see it as no better or worse than any other part of my job.  

So, despite my rather intimate and frequent dealings with bodily fluids, I am still not totally inured to things.  Case in point, yesterday Quinn learned how to make himself vomit by jamming his hand down the back of his throat.  Once could be qualified as a fluke, but I watched him do so 3 times.  Then, later on, when I went to get him out of the car seat on one our trips out of the house, he was also covered in vomit (very likely the same reason).   This isn't necessarily a problem, yet, but it is disconcerting to watch.  He isn't upset about it either...it more or less appears like he is amazed at this new ‘skill’.  More updates if it keeps happening. 

Later the same evening, Tia and I generally let him run around naked after his bath for a bit.  It gives him some diaper free time which is supposed to be good.  However, pretty soon that might be an only outdoor option.  He has shat upon the bathmat and on the rug in his room.  Last night, he apparently did so in the living room, and then stomped through it and onto the rug and into the bedroom.  It is not awesome.  Thankfully, he is.  

Motivation

Some people are intrinsically motivated.  I would like to say I have at least some of that in me.  It is important to me to do my job well because I have a particular standard of care that I hold myself to.  I try to treat all my patients well (which is nice because one of my recent patients was a coworker of my boss and evidently raved about her time as my patient J).  However, it would be foolish to not consider the extrinsic motivations as well.  I think we all want to be recognized both monetarily and generally praised when we do well.  I think that is what makes nursing a little bit more difficult to maintain any level of motivation outside of internal standards, a general concern for the well-being of our patients, and whatever level of obligation we feel to our coworkers. 

Nursing in a hospital is like working for the government (so I hear) in the manner in which there is little motivation to necessarily excel.  There is no real mobility.  No promotions.  Raises are based exclusively on longevity.  We get paid well, so I have no complaints on that side, but it isn't exactly motivating to know that, good or bad, we all move forward one spot on the board.  I make the same as employees who show up routinely late or not at all.  I make the same as people who never miss a day and come in extra when needed. 

An example: they recently hired a nurse to work at our MP clinic in Tualatin.  She lives in Washington.  This was an explicit discussion upon hire.  She showed up day 1 in denim jeans (and therefore could not work), day 2 she didn't show up at all.  When she did show, she was evidently curt and disagreeable.   After her new employee orientation, she decided that it was ‘too far’ to drive to MP.  Did they fire her?  Of course not.   They are now going to use her exclusively at our Gresham site. 

Example 2: Gal who runs the Gresham site took a leave of absence because she was upset at the buyout.  She returned for a week and then had a vacation planned (with now no vacation time).  She has decided to extend her vacation by a few days…which now conflicts with other vacations, despite the lack of vacation time and her very recent unauthorized LOA.  Did they fire her?  Write her up?  Nope.  They set her up with a part time gig to stay at MH hospital and are going to keep her ‘on call’ in the department once the clinic transitions in September. 

In the interim, I get to float to her clinic to cover.  Float to MP to cover.  Float to SC to cover.  Because I show up, I get to have the long commutes and work in unfamiliar places.  It is part of my job.  I get that.  And, again, I think we get paid well.  However, it is demotivating to know that were I to say ‘nope, not gonna do that for you’ or not show up at all that there would be no penalty.  Conversely, the best I can hope for if I do everything that is asked of me is to make exactly the same as the people who have the same number of years as I do.  

Speaking of which, I am off to MPH tomorrow to help out.  At least that will stop in September....hopefully. 

So long shots

I had a patient walk in today (it wasn't my patient and I promise no identifying information, so back off HIPPA police!) who came in looking for her provider.  This happens, on average, once or twice a week.  Only, generally, they at least know who they are supposed to see.  I can pull up the patient's info, but it will only show me their appointment if they are seeing a provider in our system, not outside of it.  Most offices in the building are not affiliated with us.  So, I go to pull up her provider for her and, when I ask her the doctor's name she states, "It is some Asian women.......maybe Chinese?"  What I said was, "I'm sorry, but I can't look them up without their name." What I wanted to say was, "Oh, the asian woman doctor.  Of course!  We all know her.  We do, after all, have to make our quota of one."  It is kind of like when I say I went to UF (45-48,000 students when I attended) and people say something like, "Did you know Billy?"  I usually just say, "Oh yeah, I remember him.  He was a huge anti-Semite.  You aren't friends with him are you?"

 

On to the more mundane, things are occurring as I suspected they would at work.  The nurse who is out on the mysterious leave of absence has extended that leave through mid-June at the minimum.  The likelihood is that she is not coming back at all.  This whole situation is made worse because literally all her patients and the staff she shared space with know about it.  And while she supposedly harbors no animosity towards our manager and towards the rest of the staff, her behavior is affecting us, not the people who made the decision to make this joint venture thing happen.  This is compounded by the fact that my manager has been, in her words, working with this nurse to secure a position to stay within the organization.  Why now would you want this person in your organization at all?  

 

What it means for me personally is a whole lot more driving.  As this clinic can, ostensibly, be run by the charge nurse while staying somewhat in the nougaty center of things, that clinic cannot.  So, I am Gresham bound for much of the next few weeks.  I don't mind it per se, insomuch as I don't mind any changes largely, but I hate above most things commuting.  And this commute is a real bitch in the evenings.  At least everyone seems appreciative of it.  And, like it or not, it is part of the job.   

 

Domestically, I am finding things harder and harder to manage.  Between Tia and I working nearly full time schedules and Quinn, there seems to be less and less time to get things accomplished.  I admit I am a bit OCD about things and they bother me more than they should.  But, it irritates me to have a table half covered in bills and bibs.  It irritates me when the bathroom isn't clean and there are bath toys all over the place.  It irritates me that our yard is weed ridden and seemingly always on the verge of going full on wilderness on us.  Ultimately though, I don't know what to do about it.  By the time Tia and I get home from work and get Q to bed, it is generally after 7.  Then, we need to eat something, which means at least perfunctory cooking and the accompanying clean up.  Then the aftermath of Hurricane Quinn needs to be picked up.  Once you get everything roughly done, you are staring at 830 and have the decision of what to do with your free hour..........get that bathroom cleaned up or veg out for awhile because you are exhausted.  I admittedly almost always go with the latter.  

 

Last but not least, bad news about my ongoing battle against allergies.  My immune system's hyperactive immune response has won out.  I knew I had a chance at failing the shots (about 25% fail them per the allergist), but I had held onto it as my last prevailing hope to staying functional in this climate.  But, when I asked what my next step was, the doc pretty much just shrugged his shoulders (also, when he looked at my sclera, he winced because it was so red/inflamed.........and it did not feel particularly red or inflamed to me, showing me just how far from feeling normal I consider my 'normal' to be).  My last gasp is to try taking an antihistamine vacation of sorts (claritin twice daily vs Zyrtec in the am and claritin pm) and then re-add Zyrtec and hope it recharges.  I might start looking into other options (naturopathic?) as well, because I am kind of out of options as far as western medicine is concerned.  On the upshot, my PFT (pulmonary function tests) were great.  So, at least the whole breathing thing seems handily under control.  Given a choice, I will take being able to breathe over clear eyes and nasal passages.  

 

I better wrap this up.  As I mentioned, too many other things to do.  Ugh.