On how I ended up listening to a sale's pitch for timeshares (and how the concept still mystifies me)

Vegas is its own animal. I know people say that NYC never sleeps, and maybe they are right, but I didn't find it nearly as pulsing with energy at any point as Vegas seems to be all the time. There is a certain manic energy there that runs through it like too much adrenaline. Everything is loud, ostentatious, flashing, and throbbing with syncopated beats. Its probably why I can only take so much of it. The only silence is sleep and that only comes with the fevered dreams of the chimes of slot machines awash in free watered down booze and the lingering ash tray stench of a thousand bathings in second hand smoke. Even the parking lots blare music and the elevators are constantly entreating you to spend more money in all manner of ways. It is not a place for introspection.

Vegas consistently impresses me in the manner in which they separate us from our money as well. Beyond the well calculated sounds of the slot machines and the psychology of gambling as a whole, they have found myriad ways to strip you of your spending money. Want to go to the pool? free. Would you like to sit in a chair while out there? That'll be $10. Want to lie down in the sun, you'll need the $20 chair. For a cabana, upwards of $100. All the while they come around selling drinks. Oh yeah, and you can gamble out there too. Now many of the resorts are charging a 'resort fee' of $20/day as well. Much like how in Orlando they charge you to park your car on their lot. Of course, as has always weirdly been the case, the more you pay, the less you get. The nicer the hotel, the less chance they will throw in internet, premium movie channels, or even a continental breakfast. Nope, instead internet will run you $15/day, a movie about the same, and breakfast will be provided at startling figures.

As for our actual experience, I would rate it as just okay. Highlights for me were the food at Hash House a Go Go (staggering huge, fun, and delicious food), finding my favorite fishing game slot machine and winning $80 on it, free donut day at Dunkin Donuts, the amazingly nice room at the Golden Nugget for under $70/night, and wandering around the Fremont Experience. Lowlights are the ever present cigarette stench, the people trying to hand you call girl cards all up and down the strip, and the belligerent 'old enough to drink but not old enough to have a lick of sense in their head' drunks at all hours of the day or night. Oh yeah, and the whole time share thing.

So, at our hotel there were a group of suit clad individuals offering up an array of rewards for your time from free shows (or reduced price if you wanted to see something pricey like Cirque) to vouchers for your hotel. Having had precious little luck gambling and deciding it was a good way to get $125 (per couple) to spend how we wished, we opted to give it a shot after being promised on numerous occasions that it would 'be 2-3 hours tops'. After agreeing to do this we gave them $40 (which was 'refunded' after the event) and boarded a bus to the time share. We were then greeted by our salesperson (guide?) who took us to a room with about 20 other couples and their salespeople watched a slick presentation that included donuts, Hershey kisses, and a weird 'Alcoholics Anonymous' piece that had us going around the room introducing ourselves and then clapping for everyone. After an hour of this, we thought we would see the actual units we would be ostensibly buying a portion of..........but not yet. First they bring us upstairs and feed us sandwiches and then go through the carefully orchestrated motions of trying to sell you on it without ever divulging prices. Then they took us on a tour that briefly included the actual place but mostly focused on the casino next door (which had the nearest restaurants and the like). Then, finally, we went back up to the large room (with what had to be about 80 or so couples/families each with their own salesperson around small 4 person tables) where the numbers started to come out.

You would think I would have a pretty thorough understanding of the whole time share thing after that, but I don't. As near as I can tell, you give them anywhere from $9990 to $41990 (financed without credit checks at an astronomical 17.9%) along with varying fees for maintenance and to belong to an international exchange of sorts and then you get 80,000 points which you can exchange for things like 2 weeks in Vegas or 8 weeks in Mongolia or 8 hours in Paris or something plus a fee for that as well and, of course, based on availability. But, for reasons unclear and I have to believe untrue, this place in Vegas was worth more points all year round than, say, Sydney Australia was at any point in time, or Madrid, or just about wherever. The whole thing also included vague discounts that applied to anyone in just about any industry and some weird promise that you get to pass this down to your kids. Only, they never were willing to let us see a contract.

At the end, we were shuffled down to a smaller room where we met with someone who asked us a few rather vague questions about our time there. Then off to another room where we met with a women who cheerlessly gave us our vouchers and were swiftly out the door to wait in a bus for 15 more minutes (if you purchased anything they sent you back in a private limo) until it filled with the other souls who resisted the endless sales pitch. We finally stumbled back into the hotel 5 hours from the time we departed. On the plus side, we turned the vouchers into a fancy dinner and made an additional $30 gambling.

My advice, just skip the whole thing and head to hash house a go go. Way better way to spend your time.