Q just turned 4 months old.
Depending on the day, 4 months seems both infinitely shorter than or
further from that date. I thought I
might try to encapsulate the experience, but the task feels nigh impossible and
always colored by my own mental state at any particular moment in time. The best I can muster is something I heard
from a patient of mine, “You will experience the highest highs and the lowest
lows as a parent.” A truer statement may
have never been uttered.
I don’t think I have ever felt as tired as I have at points
in the last 4 months. Nor have I so
regularly felt helpless and inept.
Raising a baby is very very difficult.
I know that all experiences are different and that some are undoubtedly
easier than Q is to deal with (and from working in a hospital, I can see the
extreme other side of that coin as well), but for every smile and happy moment there
seems to be a an equivalent number of spine rattling screams that sounds (in my
head) like a cat in heat getting attacked by a wolverine on top of a chalkboard. You can’t help but feel badly for the little
guy as he is in obvious discomfort (as opposed to just being sadistic), but man
alive does that yell cut to the very core of you. Wine consumption has a very strong inverse
relationship with his happiness during the day.
The time change has also managed to kick our collective asses. Q seems to have the same grasp on it as our
cats do….namely that the sun rises and sets earlier than it did, therefore I
must do the same. This would be
difficult if he slept until 7 before and shifted to 6. But, unfortunately for us, he only ever used
to sleep until 6/630. It has been
brutal. By the time I get to work now, I
have generally already been up for 3 hours. His witching hour has also moved up to about
5/530 as he is ready for bed by 6. We
have been trying to keep him up a bit past that in hopes of delaying his AM
wake up, but this is akin to poking an angry bear with a short stick in that
you will pay royally and pretty much immediately for the decision. I know this isn’t just an issue for us; all
the kids at his daycare are going through similar straights. I am sure if lawmakers all had little ones
when the vote came up, we would all just mimic Arizona
and Hawaii and say. “screw it,
leave the damn clocks alone!”
Other than that, my job seems to have finally employed
someone to take over the clinic from me.
She starts her new employee orientation on the 12th (next
Monday) and then will take an additional week (or thereabouts) for EPIC
training followed by 2 weeks at the Park.
My guess is she will start up here sometime around the first or second
week in December. Then I will train her
for another week or two before…well, before who knows what really. I suspect I will kind of float about as need
warrants vs. being exclusively at the Park, but maybe not.
It is bittersweet really, but ultimately necessary since
they don’t have anyone to regularly fill in when I am not here (and aren’t
interested in doing so). Just yesterday
when I came in I saw that a 3 year old had been seen in the clinic. There was an accompanying note to the effect
that they are coming next week (and in perpetuity) and that I will need to
coordinate this with our pediatric nurse who will have to be pulled from the
floor to attend to this patient. The
doctor would be faxing further notes. I
then asked the charge who had run the clinic that day, “So why didn’t they just
go to the pediatric clinic?” to which she responded, “We have one of
those?” And that, in a nutshell, is why
we need someone here full time I guess.
Between people not knowing how to check orders, make appointments,
seeing patients outside the parameters of our clinic, and on and on…we need
someone who can take ownership of these things. That isn’t to cast blame on the charge or
anyone else who works the clinic in my stead, they are doing the best they can
with limited knowledge and understanding and exactly NO time allocated by
management to learn or be trained. Like
building IKEA furniture without directions, you might eventually build it, but
it will take a whole lot longer, there will be a lot more mistakes and you are
like as not to have a handful of extra parts.
We finished up refinancing our house recently as well and I
think I have never been more confused.
This is mercifully a pleasant confusion.
We sold back points at close so we wouldn’t have to pay as much out of
pocket (with the understanding that this creates a higher total payback, but as
we have no intention of living there for 10 years let alone 30, this is a minor
factor) and had to bring something like $3500 to close plus the cost of the
appraisal ($450). We figured to be out a
few hundred dollars when all was said and done in exchange for a lower house
payment that would make up that cost within 2-3 months. Instead, we have gotten back nearly $1000
above what we paid. It is all HUGELY
confusing. Suffice to say, we are
holding on to the money until we can be sure that it doesn’t need to go back
out to somewhere. As I said, it has been
pleasantly confusing…with the possibility of aggravating very much in
play.
Other than that, Yay for the country voting against rape apologists
and for the rights of women, the underserved, and a shot at a future that isn’t
being sold off wholesale in exchange for profits today. Oh yeah, also yay for feeling optimistic about
our government for once (you know, until they get back in session and gridlock
reigns again).
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