I still have two weeks left on my OB rotation, but the remainder of the time will be spent in Labor and Delivery. Though that is no indication that I am done being in situations that I find rather uncomfortable and embarrassing, it means I at least will be facing those situations with a health care team. Tia says that I over-emphasize my discomfort and tend to dwell on it...something I cannot argue, nor shake. I just don't feel right doing the examinations on the new mothers. I am mystified as to how I am supposed to ascertain how much blood is on the pad in their panties (Lochia) as a result of the shedding of the uterine lining as compared to that of a menstrual cycle. What constitutes heavy vs. moderate remains a mystery, but I can say that if I were losing that much blood from a flesh wound, I would suggest that I was bleeding heavily (in this I am apparently incorrect). That is just one glaring example of how hard it is to relate to what these women are going through. I imagine to some degree, working there not having carried a child of your own might prove a bit difficult for a female nurse. I would argue however, that not even having completely different apparatus is a greater impediment than that.
Despite my misgivings, there has not been a single incidence of any of my patients being outwardly uncomfortable with me. It remains entirely possible that I am transferring my own feelings to them, but I can't help the way I feel and Psych 101 is no help here. I just cannot imagine a time in my life that I will ever be at ease walking into a room to meet a woman for the first time and, shortly thereafter, peering into her underwear without a significant amount of distilled spirits involved (frowned upon in the medical profession).
That said, I feel very comfortable working with the newborn infants, offering some advice to the mom's and being in the nursery. Honestly, a greater portion of the day is spent not examining the new mothers, so it has been about 98% positive, which is a step in the right direction. I am pleasantly surprised by how good I feel about being around the newborns. Truth be told, I am not the world's most effective swaddler and I am remarkably inefficient in changing both diapers and attire on an infant, but compared to my similarly inexperienced classmates, I hold my own.
In other school related news, things are ever so slowly rounding into form. I am still struggling somewhat on the motivation front, but it appears to be a universal concern in talks I have had with classmates. The goal for the moment will just be staying afloat until Spring Break just 5 weeks in the distance. Seems minor when typing it, but 5 weeks is never minor in a program like this.
As always, keep em crossed for me.
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