Coming out of it...........er, sorta

Life is strange. I know that is trite and probably wildly inaccurate really. I actually can't think of the last time it rained brimstone or walked headlong into some mythical creature like Bigfoot. I guess a more true statement would be that life is infrequently staid. Rarely rote for periods of any length or breadth. For certain, when the waters are calm, there is always something roiling beneath.

I was thinking about it today when I was in contact with a few old friends and one of them remarked that, "I have a lot going on." I am not apt to disagree, but I also thought that I could scarcely remember a time when everything was tranquil.

In the last three years Tia and I have had near continuous tumult. I went back to school and finished it. She went back and decided the program wasn't right. I have had 3 jobs since I finished school (4 if you count temp work at PRE) and Tia has worked 3 as well. We have moved across the country twice and are living in our third place (4 if you count the time at her sisters) and have bought and are now selling our first home together (Tia had also bought and sold a place in Rochester and (just prior to moving out there) bought and sold a condo here. We got married, then spent our first month as newlyweds selling off everything we owned (she owned) to prepare to move back here, ending up the last week with no bed, no table, and little other furniture. I had surgery once (and was very sick at least twice). We have taken some lovely vacations including a cruise, some trips to Vegas and various places around Canada and Oregon and Hawaii while I was recovering from surgery. We fostered cats and adopted a few along the way. And perhaps most oddly, I consider this very stable. I am just as certain that Tia considers me moderately (fully) insane for thinking that.

And now, as I am better than a year into a job (great by my standards) and Tia better than 6 months into her own, we are both contemplating going back to school....after we sell the house of course. Then maybe another move, hopefully not across the country this time (or at least not somewhere so flipping cold). so, perhaps not weird, but certainly unpredictable. God forbid we didn't shake things up for a few months...........not sure how we would survive it.

Feeling by bits and parts better. Still overdoing it and then collapsing into general fatigue. But, at least I can breathe again normally (or what passes for such with my lungs). Small successes. Now what to do next?

On moving

Perhaps there is something compelling about moving. There must be. With as much as I move around there must be some driving force, some joy, to it. I can't even recall the last time I stayed at one address for greater than 2 years. Had to be when I was living at home in high school. This, however, will be the first time I have a vested interest in the place I leave behind. Usually I only care that it is clean enough to get my deposit back.

I think the part I enjoy is the looking for new places. Being able to try out new locales, even if those locales are within the same zip code or city. Eat at new restaurants. Find new local haunts. Each time I move I think that I learn a little more about what I want. What I like. What I can't stand. The hope, of course, is that all the information eventually leads to something more or less stable and structured. But it seems to me at this point, the only stability I know is constant upheaval. It doesn't seem like much, but it is something I suppose.

But where does one go once you have owned a home. Once you have known true autonomy. Back to renting in our case. But now the expectations are certainly higher. No more ratted out carpeting. No more walls less than privacy thick. No more neighbors with either jacked-up trucks or souped up mid-90s Honda Civics. No more built-ins that should have been tear-outs.

However, before the moving part, comes the selling part. The process of finding a decent Realtor is not an easy one. Much like anything else contractual, you don't really know if you got a lemon until too late. Thankfully, their contracts are short and don't cost much more than time unless it sells. We decided against our previous Realtor. We liked her, but she seems a bit scattered for our needs. Too, well, immature really. So she was out. For due diligence we picked three, one via recommendation and 2 pretty much randomly.

#1 - Young and very Portlandy with her (and her partners) focus on Eco/green living. Kind of more urban. Far more tech. Far more inexperienced than the others. Definitely internet savvy. Downside: They are carrying too many properties and she is clearly more East side than West. She suggested we list the house around $315-$318K, with our break even being about $313K.

#2 - More veteran and clearly not very savvy about the internet (though people she works with are). Turned us off immediately by jumping right into talk about short-sale (we are in no hurry) and then essentially telling us we would be hard-pressed to get appraised out because the market remains so shoddy. We eliminated her as soon as the door closed behind her.

#3 - Same level of experience as #2, but with a more clear understanding of the market. The difference between someone who works in an industry and someone who is clearly still engaged in learning about it. She seemed a little pie-in-the-sky, but perhaps we could use that in this economy. We actually had to talk her down from what she wanted to list it at. Sees no issues in appraising based on local comps. Lives on the West side.

So, if it wasn't clear already, #3 was the winner by a nose over #1 (with #2 having lost her jockey out of the gate and promptly returning to pasture to graze). Looks like we will list at $329,500 and potentially (though not terribly likely) even get most of the money we put down back when we sell. Would be great, but we would still be happy to just walk away without pulling out a checkbook. We shall see.

In the meantime, the cleaning, decluttering, and general touching up is underway. God help us, cause the next how ever many months will be fraught with living so tidily it will look like we don't actually live here in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, the right buyer will come along.

In other news, I spent today (and last nite) with a respiratory infection (or inflammation, hard to say at this point). Lovely. Kind of overdid it cleaning yesterday and sucked up enough dust to send my lungs into failure mode. Back on the Prednisone train or, in other words, hello 3AM! No neb treatment though.........which really sucks because I need one to get my lungs started out right. Not a huge fan of Zoomcare. The are efficient, but though they state they treat asthma, are poorly equipped to deal with inflammations. Still kicking though.

Off to bed...........or at least lying prone with eyes peeled wide open.

Poop sandwich

Unfortunately, save for some nice wife related things (Tia has been on major cheer me up duty of late and even brought us home some Korean Tacos for dinner...........yummy good fusion), work life has been pretty dismal.

First, a job that I REALLY wanted, I was disqualified for right out of the gate because I didn't meet the minimum nursing experience required. This wasn't really a shock, but it was a nurse educator position and they wanted 3 years of experience as a nurse (I have just over 2, though the job has no real relation to nursing since it was more about teaching the new computer system).............but I do have, you know, an education background. The whole teaching thing would, I thought, be kind of an important aspect of the position and all. But, thanks to automated application software that weeds outs applicant, I didn't even get to meet with someone to discuss it. Bummer all around.

Then, the other clinic that I shadowed in decided that they were just going to post a part-time position and an on-call position rather than using staff from IV because they felt that they couldnt offer adequate training. Since I can't work part-time for my department and on-call would put me into overtime since it is the same hospital and all, it isn't possible to work there at all now.

Thirdly, they just demoted my immediate supervisor. Well, in theory they did. They told her, and told her not to tell any of us. Of course she did tell us, but management expects us to not know this. Then, to make matters worse, they demoted one of the supervisors at EH (they eliminated that position) and moved her to MP to manage us. Meaning, we now have one additional staff member to support even though we are ALREADY flexing and floating with far too much frequency. I am guessing that, best case, this means we will be doing a whole lot more of both things. Worst case, maybe somebody has to go (and I have the least seniority). The cherry on a shit sundae.

Finally, though not directly related, school seems to be far less clear since most programs, UP included, are now moving to DNP programs. Great for the future of the profession. Not so great if you are considering doing it. It is now a minimum 3 year commitment and many many thousands of dollars. Ugh!

Meeting with REaltors has been interesting so far. Outlook is kind of grim for sellers to be sure. Good thing you don't have to pay them up front.

One more day than a few off. I could really use them now.

Stay tuned.

Vegas Baby!

Some actual fun travel news to write about. How about them apples?

Tia and I just got back from our 2-year anniversary in Vegas. It was, as are most trips, full of roses and thorns, but mostly roses.

Roses:
+ Tia pulled the anniversary card and got us a first class upgrade on the way out. Free booze, a nice snack, and roomy seats. Nice!

+ Free Show: La Reve. Like most cirque style shows the story was confusing, if present at all, but it was visually stunning. If we had to pay for it (which would have been $141/ea), I would not have rated it very highly. More like mediocre with some truly amazing parts. However, since it was free: 5 stars!

+ Red Rocks - a nice, and relatively close, excursion away from the hustle and bustle of the strip. so nice and quiet and relaxing.

+ Gambling - as per our m.o., we didn't gamble much money.......but we were able to play for a long time, get lots of free adult beverages, and actually win some minor monies along the way.

+ In and Out Burger - I had heard about it for so long and was excited to try it. Had to go all out and go animal style as well. Yes, it was probably horribly bad for me, but no I did not regret it at all. The best meal, dollar for dollar, we had the whole trip.

+ Oxtail - In my desire to try new foods, finally had some oxtail in a little Asian place in the Rio. Quite fatty, but good flavor. Glad I tried it.

Thorns:
- Ride in from the Vegas airport - I thought I was going to hurl. As a bonus, the driver not only took every back road in Vegas (and the shuttle had absolutely no shocks it appeared) but we were the last stop. It was nearly an hour. After such a nice flight, this truly sucked the wind out of our sails.

- Check in - Based on conversations with the reservation person, I thought we were set up in one of the higher floors overlooking the strip. We did overlook it, but really low down. The person who checked us in was unfriendly and, though they noted in the reservation it was our anniversary, did nothing for us other than mention it offhandedly. Thumbs down for that Wynn LV!

- Food prices - Yikes! Even the buffets in the Wynn topped $90 for the both of us. Food isn't really cheap anywhere (save places with drive-thrus). Long gone are the cheap shrimp cocktails and buffets. Most of the drinks (were you to sit at a bar) at the Wynn were upwards of $14/ea as well. No bueno! Thankfully, we gambled enough for a free buffet before we left. Bonus!

Overall, very nice trip. For the value with our offer, totally worth it. Otherwise, I think we will likely be staying elsewhere next trip in.

In work news: Heading in to the GS clinic tomorrow. Might be able to do a few shifts a week there and a few at MP. It is under a different department, who is working with my boss to get us our hours while filling in there empty slots, so it should be a nice change of pace. More on that later. Still applying out for a few other positions as well (including one I am really crossing my fingers about in legacy dealing with the new EPIC program.........based on my track record, I am expecting not even an interview). Cross em.

More to come.

Odds

Today was a sanctioned day off due to recent mental distresses at work. Much needed and much appreciated. There is only so much bureaucratic inanity that anyone can stand, and my limits have clearly been breached. Though, in fairness, I don't take long to saturate. I wish that weren't the case but, perhaps thats what compels me to keep shuffling jobs and to always focus on the next task and the next step, instead of marinating in the present. Clearly at times this is to my detriment as well. I don't often stay long enough to get to another more challenging level. I instead seek it out elsewhere and start from square one again.

I find that once the challenge of acclimating to something new dissipates, you are left with trying to untangle the ball of twine know as policy and my tongue gets looser and looser the more stymied I become in trying to effect even the smallest changes. Trying to wrest control from the micro-managers that seem to extract joy from the most inconsequential of things to them becomes unbearable and I just want to spew forth a volley of vitriol that would be, while momentarily pleasing, a HUGE mistake on my part. So, for now, I will just pack it back down and hope that school (both the chasing of entry and the actual education itself) will provide the escape I so desperately need and want.

Speaking of jobs, I would be remiss were I not to mention a rather disturbing interaction Tia and I had at the bike shop. We were there purchasing what I hope will be our bikes for the next 5 years or so (though not expensive, in fact rather cheap, in the world of bicycles, they do represent the most money I have ever invested in that realm), we got to talking to the two staff members who assisted us. It turns out that one of them had an advanced degree in theology and an undergrad in Physics and the other had earned his law degree two years prior. As they could find nothing in their respective fields of interest, they were working there. Welcome to the recession, where an advanced degree gets you $12/hr and probably a 20% discount. God I hope the economy turns around soon.

Back to cleaning, a more significant challenge than one would assume it to be while hopped up on Antihistamines. The urge to sleep is strong. So strong.

Chafing

I think we all reach a point of saturation where you just feel like, "If I don't get the hell away from here I am going to explode in some bizarre fashion like Michael Douglas in Falling Down." Well, perhaps not that badly, but you get the picture. Well, I have reached that point. Actually, I reached it some weeks back and now I am just limping towards the finish line. Thankfully, Vegas is on the horizon. I need it to be. I am getting to the point where the minutia of work is chafing me and every little annoyance is magnified beyond measure. You know, the point when you need a vacation. 3 more work days..........3 more work days. God help me.

Speaking of work, it is pretty much the same as ever. Definitely not helping with that break point. We have either been blitzed with patients or sent home. When we are busy, we never have enough staff. When we aren't, it always seem like we have too much. I wish there were some better balance mechanism. I either come home exhausted and aching or at 2:00. Must use this as my motivation to get back to school. Hopefully a few days away will help refresh things.

We are putting the house up for sale. Well, kind of anyway. Doing it FSBO style for the time being. Tia's commute is grinding her down and I can't blame her for that. If I had an hour plus each way, I would have suggested it months ago. Kudos to her for holding out. We are hoping to walk (limp) away without writing a check, but don't expect anything actually going into our pockets. I don't really care. I like our house, but we bought it before her new job started and it isn't so nice that you should be miserable most of the week. Plus, with my work schedule, I am not even home half the weekends to enjoy it together. So, perhaps a return to renting is best. Especially if school is a realistic venture. Shaving a few hundred a month from our expenses would definitely help things along. I guess we'll see. It isn't exactly a prime market for sellers.

I suppose I should rouse myself from my stupor and do something today. Having a hard time since I just feeling so wrung out. Baby steps perhaps.

Forks

The discussion finally started to get serious last night about going back to school. With the new health care bill there will be a great need for nurse practitioners and I am definitely in a position to pursue that......but how?

First off, I should say that were I to go back to school, it wouldn't be for some time. Admissions occur in January and school starts in May, therefore the earliest I could conceivably start up again would be May 0f 2011, a full calendar year from now. That is both good and bad I suppose. Good: time to explore options, talk to professionals in field, talk to counselors at school, take entry exams that I can actually study for, and generally consider my options. Bad: the program itself is 2 years (at UP anyway) so I wouldn't be done until 2013 (age 36) with an additional god knows how many thousands in loans to stack up on top of my current array of them, the fear I have about going back to actual focused study, and all the life changes that might need to be made to accomodate it (less free time, less money, less time to help out around the house). The good news is that I should be able to work at least the first year of the program full time..........the second year is much more clinically based and would prove far more difficult to accomodate.

The most important thing, however, is that the education would (should) equate to a degree of autonomy that I don't have now and have always craved. It would open up new and difficult challenges that I love and hate equally (but mostly love). It would open up an array of doors. It would put me squarely where I think I should be instead of where I am.............but all that time, and money, and effort seem like such monumental undertakings, just like going back to nursing school did. Baby steps. For now, I need to focus on the GRE and then take the next step. Who knows, by this time next year I might be gearing up for school again. God help Tia if that happens :)

Homeopathy

I confess, I am ignorant as to the difference between homeopathy and Naturopathy. I think they are similar in approach, though probably different in many ways as well. So, I looked it up. While this site might not provide 100% accurate portrayals, it did seem to confirm my thoughts in my limited experiences with both, mainly that Homeopathy is kind of bunk while Naturopathy has at least some elements (perhaps many) of scientific merit. Here is why I think the way I do:

I have been seeing a friend and Naturopath recently for allergies/asthma. I cannot say for certain if it is working, but I can say I am feeling better. There are clinical trials that have studied the effects of many elements of the practice and it largely seems sound, even to someone reared on and currently entrenched in practicing Western medicine. Last night, Tia and I went to see a Homeopath speak on allergies. The concepts, which initially seemed vaguely credible, quickly broke down over the talk with my main concern being her espousal of the idea that dosage DOES NOT MATTER. The idea that you can take something in its most concentrated form and it will provide you the same benefit as its most dilute form. In fact, often the element is barely hinted at in the remedy.

Lets compare that with something more common: aspirin. Now, suppose you have a headache. You might take one pill, you might take 2. You might repeat the dose in 4 to 6 hours if you haven't had relief. You might reasonably assume that a stronger dose would bring more benefit. According to Homeopathy, you could either take 1000mg of aspirin or drop a baby aspirin (81mg) into a gallon of water, shake it liberally, and then take 2 tablespoonfuls of it and achieve a very similar result. You see, it is the essence of the cure that counts. It is that which I have a problem with. The idea of like cures like (flowers to cure allergies, etc) is not unreasonable. However, to assume that concentration and dosage matter not does not compute to me. But then again, maybe it is the belief in the sure as much as the cure itself. Who knows. In the meantime, I will stick with my Naturopath.

The essense of health

Wow! I was shocked when I realized that I haven't posted anything on my blog in quite some time. Not that I am at all consistent, but it is generally not because I just utterly lost track of time. Ah well, time to remedy that.

So, the big BIG BIG thing going on right now is taxes. This marks the first year for both Tia and I that we are not the recipients of the government's largesse. No, this year we are payers. It is hard to complain (not that hard actually, but for the sake of argument we shall pretend that I would have difficulty in engaging in such an act. Its called suspension of disbelief.......and you are going to need it in spades here) since it is due to the fact that our respective incomes have both risen from the year prior by nearly 80% (due in part to a truncated work year on my part) and we remained gainfully employed throughout the turns in the calendar. No minor feat considering the state of our economy. So, while that may mean less vacation and no sudden windfall, it also means that we are more fortunate than most.

in other news, my health has been relatively stable. I am not sure how much to owe it to Jen, my naturopath, and her tinctures, stopping certain meds I was taking that were clearly not benefiting me (and were in fact doing harm as near as I can figure), or how much of it is just chance. All I know for sure is that I like it very much. My APL accrual has never been so robust and taking real vacations now seems likely instead of just a pipe dream. That plus the increasingly good, albeit somewhat spotty, weather and you have a delightful combo (crossing ever finger while knocking on wood and wood-like furniture).

We attended an auction this past weekend that was, well, illuminating. I don't want to slag my old HS, but it was, at best, average for south Florida. Overcrowded (better than 700 in my class, and more than 1000 in my sisters 2 years later and always at more than 2800 total), occasionally violent (stabbings, threats of gun play and the like), and frequently underfunded. Tia's experience was clearly VERY different. Her private HS (St. Mary's) here in Portland held an auction that could not have brought in less than a few hundred thousand dollars. A few of the guests donated $10,000 straight up. Many more donated various amounts less, none altogether insubstantial (they did not even deign to ask lower than $100). I was amazed. The fund goes to lower the overall tuition for the school for each student by a few thousand dollars. Significant, but I still couldn't help but wonder if it wouldn't be better spent offer full tuition to students without means or a much larger reduction for those with limited means. Seems like someone who could big $5000 for an Italian dinner for 10 cooked in their home would probably not notice a few thousand off a tuition bill. I also couldn't help but think what a different world it was than the one I knew in HS. Good on anyone who has the fortune to go to such a place. Guess that explains that while nearly 98% of the graduates of her school went on to college than my HS only graduated 57% period.

Been watching a lot of the Food Revolution with Jamie Oliver lately. It is illuminating and his earnestness is rather captivating. Whatever benefit he does for the community in West Virginia, I can say that he has made me start to re-examine my food choices (something I had promised myself I would do anyway). That and books by Michael Pollan make me realize that, sweet Jesus, we eat some awful shit. The latest example being the double down from KFC (pictured above) which is, at the very least, overindulgent and at worst criminally irresponsible. The fact that marketing research has proven (and I am sure sales will validate) that 2 pieces of fried chicken used as a bun of sorts for bacon, cheese, and a mayonnaise sauce could be in any way construed as food is revolting and frightening considering our already burgeoning weight problems. Yuck.

Well, off to exercise. If I need any more motivation I will just look at the Double Down. Blech!

Bend it like...........er, a bicycle riding, coffee drinking hippy

Tia frequently mentions that I talk too much about negative stuff on my blog (mostly work related unfortunately, which is still somewhat negative consider the lack of hours and general unease that floating causes), so I promised I would write something more uplifting. Well, that might be shooting high........how about at least not depressing. Seems much more attainable.

So, one good bit of work news, I got a raise evidently. Who knew? I got a review a few weeks back, but because of the state of finance in the hospital I didn't think it meant anything. Evidently it did. A nominal increase. So, though my hours are fractional, my pay is up by nearly 5% during those hours.

We just returned from Bend.......or frequent haunt. When we want to escape Portland, that is usually where we end up (though we have kind of mutually decided that this was the last trip for us there for awhile. It was getting a bit stale do to repetition). This time we eschewed our normal B&B for a new one at my behest. I can't say I was disappointed as the place was nice enough, the caretakers were lovely, and the amenities were fairly impressive, but it definitely was somewhat less than Cricketwood. The difference isn't that of Wendy's to a steakhouse, but rather two nice steakhouses, one of which throws in free dessert and alcohol........for the same price. The rooms are a little older, but the location is a bit more peaceful. Breakfast is on your time and whatever you want instead of a set menu at a set time. And the free wine and beer dont hurt. Still, it was nice to see something new and different.

I, unfortunately, ate something disagreeable on night 1 and the next day wasn't as eventful as we had planned it to be (which was a bummer more so because the next day, the weather was disagreeable while my stomach was quite amenable), but we did take in a comedy show that was being taped for a special (potentially on Showtime or Comedy Central). It was really interesting seeing all the cameras flying around and the show was quite good (and cheap at $10/ea). We also got to sit in a hot tub (though without the time travel capabilities that the movies would leave you to believe they are capable of) and generally unwind. Always sad to see it end, but the getaway plus a few days on the front end made for a nice 4 day vacation from work. I think we both needed that.

We are officially giving up on the Memory Foam mattress. Sadly, the one we have at least, isn't very comfy. It is ridiculously firm and kind of warm. Thankfully Costco rules and we are returning it and getting a different mattress from them.........and saving a few hundred bones to boot. Of course, this is weeks out (their return policy is good, just not especially expedient), but hopefully bed #2 will be the answer.

One more day on and then 2 off. As always, tomorrow will be a mystery wrapped in an enigma. Hopefully it isn't crazy busy because only one thing is certain at this point, we will be understaffed.

Floating

Floating. It sounds so ethereal. Pleasant. Benign. Unfortunately, it feels nothing at all like that.

Floating is just another rut in an already too rutted road. Another job related downer in a job market where just having a job, any job, is supposed to be a celebration of sorts. The proverbial, thats whats for dinner, if you don't like it then you get nothing.

Since I work at a hospital with 5 distinct sites, it is conceivable that you might land at any one of them rather than your own. Great if you love travel I suppose, but none affords much a change in scenery. Same shit, different place really. I spend most of my floating hanging out at the big bad in NoPo which, not mincing words, I abhor. I always feel lost there. Like I often did in school. Armed with too little information and not enough skill to do what was expected. Compared to my little park, the big bad is exactly that: higher acuity, higher diversity, and higher complexity. I never feel so much like I accomplish much there......but more so tick it off of my list for the day, thank my lucky stars that I won't be back for another week or two, and count myself fortunate to have survived the experience without screwing anything up too badly.

So, perhaps I should count myself fortunate to be floating on the next schedule to the land far-far away........that I will refer to as Nearly Troutdale (or NT). NT is a like sized hospital to the one I most frequently occupy, but on the complete other side of town. Better than an hour drive each way amongst traffic that I have no favorable words for and an even poorer disposition towards.

The whole thing just makes me sad. I took a job where I truly enjoy being........around people I genuinely like.........in a hospital that fits me. And yet, the economy looms large and I am left with a job that finds me feeling often lost around people I don't know in hospitals that I would never opt to work at. But, in the end, what can you do? You can complain and bitch and moan, but you cannot change the facts. You can look around, but the field is barren. I guess I just miss it. I miss having the job that I really enjoyed being at. I wonder if it will ever come back. Part of me doesn't believe it ever will.

One thing I do know however is that, until it does come back, I guess I will just be floating.

Spending money and yada yada

I realize that there is no tacit skill involved in spending money. Anyone can do it, from individuals in deep wells of debt from impulsive purchases, to people in the same holes because jobs have failed them and necessities still need to be purchased. Hell, our government is the worst offender. If only we could all afford to spend without income and do so with regular impunity (or, uh, pass it on to our kids and grandkids............poor suckers :) like the Fed does. Dare to xdream.

I am more mentioning this idea because my wife and I are in the midst of a bit of a 'spree'. I say that with some reserve of course, because we don't tend to spend more than we can pay off and, if we do, it involves careful shopping and some kind of 0% if you pay it off in time deal. Plus, I am a bit of an obsessive researcher. So, what ends up happening is a little give and take until a middle is generally reached. For example, we just bought a new memory foam bed. We started with the concept of buying a new bed period...........a coil mattress like we already have. Then, the reading started. Then the trying out of mattresses. At the end of the week, we went from spending a few hundred theoretical dollars on a coil, to nearly a grand on a 100% latex from Ikea (we balked when their return policy only gave back store credit........that is a LOT of money to spend at Ikea), to nearly $2600 on a Tempurpedic (sp). Ultimately, we landed just somewhere about half the pedic and went with an online bed from Costco. So far, based on Tia's continuing back ailments, I would say it is a mixed bag. I like it though...........thankfully costco has a very liberal return policy. More on that if we need to use it.

We also had to have a new bed frame for our bed...........ended up with a cheap one from Overstock (at this rate I won't need to EVER buy anything at terrestrial stores again). Was under $275 with slats and looks pretty modern and sleek (plus it is metal, so no more particle board!). The first one arrived dinged though.............thankfully Overstock's CS is also stellar and they shipped us out a new (and thankfully undamaged) one ASAP.

We also splurged on an anniversary trip to Las Vegas. I kind of dig Vegas........though I am never exactly sure why. Maybe it is the sheer over-the-topness of it, the spectacle of seeing the Eiffel tower near dancing fountains and pirate ships. Who knows. Whatever the reason, I enjoy my visits there. However, because I am horrendously cheap, I tend to never stay anywhere that would be classified as nice. Or at least not presently nice. We usually land somewhere in old Vegas..........where the rooms are cheap and so is the gambling. This time, for reasons unknown to me since I would not consider myself a high-roller (or a roller period really since I gamble very little), we were offered an incredible deal from the Wynn. I have heard that it is, bar none, the nicest place to stay in Vegas. Not only did they throw us the room for less than $100 a night, they also gave us 2 free tickets to their cirque show, Le Rev (which would have run us about $250 for 2 tickets). At least there are some upshots to our crap economy.......especially in Vegas.

Our last, though yet not consummated, purchase is to be a cruise sometime in the late summer/early fall. A real vacation. Only, it is really not easy to pick which line you want to go on. Each ship is unique in certain ways and so, by giving up one thing you are gaining another. Do we want a small ship that is more personal or a large ship with more to beguile us? Do we want something brand spanking new or would an older ship suffice (granted even older ships are only about a decade at sea)? Is the food most important or the pools? Even picking a room is a bit flummoxing. People rave about balconies, but they add about a grand to the total cost of the trip........money that could go to excursions. You even pay about $300-$400 more for a window that is partially, if not completely, obstructed. WTF is that about? Not that I am complaining about the plenitude of options...........it is a vacation after all. Something to look forward to.......and right now I need it.

While I am grateful that Vegas has been hit by the economy to the point that I seem like a desirable customer, unfortunately it is not going well at LE at present. The Park (where I work) is still above board and doing well, but we are not a stand alone for better or worse and the rest of the system is not turning a profit. So, the result is that we are cutting back just about everywhere............which means a lot of cut hours. They are trying to be equitable and, presently, it is about one shift every 2 weeks they are flexing us. Not god-awful, but it does mean about a 12-15% a paycheck reduction. Not cool when the bills stay exactly the same.

Plus, as an added bonus in my dept, we are being floated around to other sites as the need arises to fill gaps to accrue what hours remain. So, instead of my happy home hospital, I am left to spend too many days at EH (the big bad) where I feel somewhere between incompetent and bemused. It is like perpetually being on your first day at work. I never know where anything is, they are constantly changing the ways they do things and I am never given enough information. Just yesterday I was there and didnt know that my phone was forwarded from the night shift (no one told me), so I spent most of the first few hours wandering around aimlessly for lack of anything to do thinking that I wasnt needed anywhere. Turns out I was and they finally found me on one of the units and passed me a to-do list that had been accumulating. Lovely. To top it off, they start an hour earlier than we do and it is about an extra 20 minutes of driving. Feels a LOT like being in nursing school. No bueno!

The other major event (well, relatively) that has transpired since my last post was my 33rd bday. Christ I am getting old. As if the grey hairs and the accumulating aches arent symbols enough, the damn calender keeps turning. It was a fun celebration broken up in two parts though........one with family, the other with friends. Spent the family portion eating hibachi food, opening presents (still fun no matter how old you get :), and eating yummy carrot cake (which I am assured counts as a vegetable). Big fun. Spent the friends portion at a fondue happy hour, hitting up Ground Kontrol (where I totally rock at Galaga and Pac-Man and suck at pretty much everything else) and then ended up the evening at Pix for some over-the-top confections. What cons there are in this town (predominately the weather), it cannot be said that there isn't an array of things to do, eat, or drink. We nearly (the timing just wasnt working) went glow-in-the-dark, indoor, 3D, pirate mini-golfing as well (yes it is real). My kind of fun.........the utterly ridiculous kind.

I think I have covered most of what is going on. The allergies seem to be leveling out meaning that either: whatever it was is done blooming, the naturopathic treatments are working, or the steroids are working. Hard to know. Will be interesting to try to wean off some of the steroids and seeing if I remain upright (at least I am only on the inhaled ones now.......the oral ones kicked my ass). Gotta stay healthy enough to accrue vacation time.

Hope everyone is healthy and well. Will try to post again within the week. Promise.

Breaking down

Now I won't pretend that I have ever been the bastion of health. I have long had lungs made of the same stuff at Greg Oden's knee.......wrist........er, whole body I guess. Fragile is the word. I spent the majority of my younger years ping-ponging from rail thin to super chunky depending on whether we had a dog or not and, even at my most hearty, I would never be confused with a runner. My body (lungs) just would not tolerate it. I was always more susceptible to bronchitis and colds and flus were recipes for disaster. However, none of that compares to the relative lack of health I have been experiencing of late.

I know the whys........I am surrounded on a daily basis by the sickest of the sick. I am exposed to dozens of people a day, not including all the associated staff and family members. My job is relatively high stress. I live in a verdant evergreen valley that sends forth a litany of allergenic agents that further tax my overwhelmed system. I cannot seem to find a path that leads to me being upright and mobile for more than a few weeks at a time (my wife may argue even less).

What to do remains the most burning unanswered, and perhaps unanswerable , question. I mean, the economy sucks, my family and friends also live in this toxic-to-me valley and my allergist and doctors all seem a bit lost. Well, I am taking what steps I can.

I am applying to just about any job tangentially related to nursing without the same level of patient contact. I am of course getting rejected more often than a 5 footer driving to the rim on an NBA center. It is dispiriting and disappointing, but not shocking. Take a bad economy, mix liberally with a bunch of RNs with more experience seeking re-entry into full time employ, and the results are pretty much preordained unless I can at least get an interview. That rarely occurs of course without an in. The process continues.

The valley seems unwilling to relent in its assault on my person, so I am doing what is within my meager limits to fight back. Meds, meds, meds. oh yeah.......and more meds. I am often left with the choice of spacey and dried out or red-eyed and runny.........like having to pick between warm PBR or High Life. Allergy shots seem to exasperate not alleviate. Docs just want to try more meds. So, I am seeing a naturopath (and friend) in hopes that she has more answers........or at least different ones. I hope. I hope. I hope.

The only other hope at the moment is a large fortune fortuitously landing upon us leading to my being able to quit working and Tia suddenly and inexplicably pining for life in the high desert. I am not sure which is the more, or less, likely of the two. In the meantime, I repeatedly feel like I am failing Tia.........unable to be the person that she wants because I am not healthy enough to be that person always. Just enough to make it appear to be so, but then violently yanked from beneath us both. So, I will just try to focus on what I can control until they make a bubble I can live and work in. Wish me luck as always. I could use it at the moment.

A long time coming

Since I cant seem to sleep (jimmy legs) and haven't sat down to post in what seems like forever, I thought I ought to remedy that situation.

The past few weeks have been long and trying unfortunately, but seem to be moving forward in promising new directions at the moment. Now if I can manage to stay healthy long enough to enjoy it for a bit.

We have been working diligently to stimulate the economy over the past few days (quite the patriots are we) with our largest purchase being a new bed (amongst the smaller, some patio furniture and a grill...........how long until summer?). Until now, I had never thought much about mattresses. With the exception of a diversion into the realm of aquatic slumber (a waterbed), I have spent the majority of my prostrate hours on an inner spring mattress of some ilk or another. All promise a bevy of tranquility inducing features and an array of quilting materials to whisk you off to the land of many Zs, but all bear a stronger resemblance to one another than any striking differences. And for me, they have largely been sufficient if not great. Tia, however, has back problems that have us considering other options........and lo the many that now exist.

I have, in the past 3 days, lain upon mattresses made of memory foam and latex and spring and combinations therein. I have learned about (both in text and video formats) the import of various memory foam densities, the properties of visco-foam, the differences between talalay and Dunlop latex processes, and the relative merits of natural vs. synthetic blends of either type of latex. I have lain upon Tempur-pedics and learned that they control the prices of their products, not the stores. I have also learned that many other companies, reputable and otherwise, claim the same benefits and even better production quality for less. In short, I am up to my eyeballs in it. However, despite my efforts, we ultimately weren't able to glean much direction.

For every glowing review about mattress A, there will be a scathing one. No one can agree. What is unbearably firm for one, offers little support to another. For every exclamation of 'the best mattress ever!' there is a counterpoint comparing said mattress to "sleeping on a pile of rags." How is this possible? So, in the end, you just have to guess. We guessed memory foam, but hedged our bets by purchasing through Costco. While you pretty much buy blind this way, at least we know Costco will take the mattress back if we don't like it. Otherwise we risk having a $1000 credit at Ikea or playing the barter and exchange game at one of the local mattress haunts (btw as an aside, is there anyone more oily than the mattress salesman of today? I swear it is a toss up between they and there bretheren the car dealer. The whole process is fraught with the distinct probability that you are getting hosed on the deal and that, whatever price you negotiate, the next person may be able to finagle something better.....or far worse). Anyway, updates from Tia's back to follow.

The Trailblazers blew the game tonight, which was a shame since we were there to personally witness it, but something happened that I feel illustrates a certain Portland vibe that I have never been able to understand. There was a young man 2 rows in front of me who decided, at some point in the 4th quarter early on that he would prefer to stand than sit. This position, of course, partially blocked my view, but completely blocked the view of the people directly in front of me. I watched for a minute, wondering if they were intending to say something as I could not reach him from my seat. They, of course, did not. Rather they just sat there and tried mightily to peer around him. I promptly grabbed one of the thunder sticks, poked him in the back with it, and asked him to sit. Not rudely, though Tia was a bit aghast. And that, by and large, to me defines something about this city. I have seen, numerous times, cars not get through a light because a car ahead of them fails to realize it turned green. Is this greeted with honking horns? Hell no. Not in Portland, where even the fast lane is peopled by cars going well under the speed limit without anyone seemingly willing to raise a high beam. I know I am generalizing, but it is something that I just don't understand and it always frustrates me. Just thought I would share.

Well, I guess I will see if my jimmy legs have finally calmed and lie down. Hope everyone is digging the sun.

Tomorrow to my friend and naturopath. looking forward to seeing a different view of my health issues.......hopefully a more effective one.

Exhausted

It has been an odd couple of weeks. The kind that slip away into the ether and leave little evidence of their passing than the days advancing on the calendar. January is at its end, and I could not be happier for it because it means one more month closer to open windows, sun, and warmth. I try to avoid thinking about it overmuch, but I have a hard time avoiding it completely.........I hate the winters here. I hate the lack of sun and the constancy of the cold dampness. I enter the winters with a sense of resolve, but it erodes like a sandcastle in an incoming tide by this point. If money were not an issue, I would most certainly have a winter home in the southern climes somewhere, anywhere, with the sun......preferably near an ocean you can swim in. But I digress..........a couple more months is all. The occasional sunbreak will have to suffice for the time being.

Work has been busy and immutable. I grow more and more comfortable with the tasks deligated me, but less enthused about them just the same. I know that is a flaw that I need to work on. I get bored easily and my inclination is always to change. Patience is not a virtue I was evidently imbued with. However, at least at this point I understand that without it, I will be doomed to move no further in my profession (or any for that matter) because you need to build trust through time and effort, not through random chance. So, I chunk my days and look forward to my days off and console myself with the fact that I work with, by and large, exceptional people and a good organization and that is nothing to complain about whatsoever.

I have otherwise been just exhausted in a way that is inexplicable. I have come home the last few evenings from work and nearly been asleep as soon as my shoes were off my feet. Tia has thankfully been understanding. I have also been tormented by allergies that seem to abate only briefly before returning in force. I have tried everything to resolve them short of a bubble, but to no avail. It is hard to determine if the allergy shots are a neutral at this point or are hampering my ability to function appropriately. Bah!

Other than that, I am by and large happy and alive (though a little dispirited at the moment obviously.......not helped by someone evidently using our credit card number to purchase small amounts of petrol. Kudos to Chase fraud protection. They rock!) and just trying to put it all together. In the meantime, send the sun my way if you see it. I would greatly appreciate it :)

PS: Try the beer sampler at Raccon Lodge if you get a chance. Totally worth it!

Allergies and Avatar

So, I was finally swept up into the fervor and saw Avatar and, honestly, it is what I thought it would be based upon the previews, so I was neither wowed, nor overly disappointed. Though, considering the hype alone, I suppose I would lean towards disappointment. The visuals were truly stunning and, much like Coraline, seeing the movie in 2D, would have lowered my regard for the film considerably. Things truly did 'pop' and the depth they were able to achieve was astounding. The colors jumped off the screen and there were breathtaking views galore. However, the story was a direct rip-off of other films. Dances with Wolves comes prominently to mind as does Ferngully. The bad guys were all very 2 dimensional and there were the obligatory overlong action sequences where the #1 bad guy a-hole survives near certain death to fight even more (and of course loses). Overall, I would say this is a movie that lives and dies in 3D, and seeing it without it would be a huge letdown as it is, overall, subpar.

My allergies have been absolutely unbearable the last few days. Not sure what it is, or why, but they are as bad as they have been in some time. Evidently there are many others that share in the misery, so it is likely coming from without instead of within the home. As I type this my left eye is only now losing some of its blood red hue and is no longer bleary, but only after a heavy dose of antihistamines which generally leave me feeling quite spacy and drug out. Though, given the alternative, I suppose I will take the feeling over the effects of the allergies. Yuck!

Little else of note has transpired since my last post. Work continues as always and I continue to vacillate on my desire to find something else (well, I should admit that, should I find something else that interests me and I am qualified for, I would leave in a heartbeat, so vacillate is probably the wrong word) and I continue to strive to find a good balance. Speaking of balance, my head is definitely not at the moment, so I think I will leave this short.

Resolutions?

Resolutions require, well, resolve, which I have in short supply. So, in the interest of the integrity of my blog, I think it might be more accurate to call them wishes. As in, wishes rarely come true, but maybe. Or prayers perhaps, though that seems rather mystical for my secular self. Even aspirations seem lofty as it will leave me deflated when I do not reach them. So, we will stick with wishes I think...........at least until I can find a better term. Long shots maybe?

#1 - Eat less(better)/exercise more - Ah, the dreaded resolution that most, if not all, of us share. I have spent the past year going back and forth with stomach issues that seem to be, finally, resolved after my troublesome gall bladder was evicted. This has led to some minor issues, though significantly less arduous than my GB caused me.......mainly being able to eat whatever I want without much if any bodily retribution. This can pose some unhappy results to someone who unabashedly loves to eat, namely a tightening of clothing heretofore quite reasonably fitted. The surgery also caused my exercise regimen to grind to a screeching halt (though it is my fault for not trying to put the wheels in motion again after sufficient recovery). So, the wish is obvious........lets see if it works.

#2 - Be more positive about work - Having finally had my meeting with the highest up of the higher ups within my department (moderated by HR), I left feeling positive about the possibilities that lie ahead, emboldened to speak up more, and also a bit like there was still much unfinished. So, with hope, things will continue at an upward angle and improve. It is my hope. The job is a good one, my coworkers are stellar, and the hours/pay/benefits are very good. So, another wish.

I could go on, but I think 2 disappointing failures ought to do it for this year :) I hope everyone had a great holiday season (I spent my NY snowshoeing for the first time and absolutely loved it! Who would have ever thought this Florida boy would ever wish to be enshrouded in heavy layers tromping about in powdery ice crystals?) and I wish you the best on your own resolutions/wishes/prayers for the new year.

Words are good

I keep reading all these compendiums, best movies, books, songs, etc, and i thought I should join up with the herd and do a mini one of my own because, well, its my blog. Anyway, those who know me know that I love to read. It is truly one of my favorite pastimes/escapes. There is nothing quite like finding an engrossing book. One that kind of plays on your thoughts when you aren't reading it. One that convinces you that one more chapter would be a good idea before shutting it down for the night.

I like to read enough that, when someone says that they don't like to read, (and people do say that oddly enough........in my mind akin to saying they don't like to eat), I look at them like they just unhinged their jaw and ate a puppy whole in front of me. I am more incredulous than Fabio was when he found out that, indeed, it wasn't butter (read on for more dated references :). I am not saying that we all must read great works of literature.......we all like mindless fluff now and again. I am not going to list all the pulp novels that I read this year because I know that while I enjoyed them, they aren't necessarily compelling reads. So, without further ado, in no particular order, some books I dug and 1 I could not stand this past year.

The lost City of Z - Just a phenomenal read and an incredible adventure and superbly written. I think I enjoyed it all the more because it was true. Cannot recommend it enough.

The Devil in White City - Perhaps my favorite read of the year. The description of the wonder of the world's fair in 1893 Chicago contrasted with the serial murders going on in the city's midst. Once again, more amazing for being true. (Isaac's Storm is also an incredible read btw)

The Terror - brings the horrific trials and tribulations of arctic exploration vividly to life in this beautifully written historical, which injects a note of supernatural horror into the 1840s Franklin expedition and its doomed search for the Northwest Passage. Still working on this one. Ending the year with a bang it seems. Very tense.

Under the Dome - not my favorite work by King (that is either The Stand or the Gunslinger series), but an above average read and an interesting premise. A lot of characters to juggle and a body count rivaling anything else he has ever written.

Into Thin Air - Another amazing but true adventure with sadly tragic results for many who dared to climb Everest. I find it fascinating when people are willing to risk their safety and their lives for such adventure. What compels them? After reading this, I know whatever it is won't be compelling me. Anything by Krakauer is a worthy read.

The Road - Grim and heart wrenching, but gripping nonetheless. You can almost feel the hopelessness.

As an afterthought, I thought I would throw in the worst book I checked out this year: Daniel X - I know what Patterson does is less literature and more throwaway beach reads, but they are generally at least entertaining and brief. I made it through 3 chapters of this drivel and gave up entirely. Truly childlike writing. Terrible.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year. See you in '10!

Another Yuletide gone

I had the darnedest time getting into the holiday spirit and now I find myself already packing up ornaments. What happened? I think its that I REALLY miss being off for extended periods over the holidays. Perhaps for some reason that just hammers the whole thing home (or I just like not working for extended periods of time........a given really, just ask Tia :) Being afforded time to recharge and enjoy friends and family is such a luxury. Working on Christmas eve and then the following Sunday just makes it seem like a weekend, albeit a weekend with presents! If this is what growing up is about, I think I will take a pass. Long live the spirit of (an extended) Christmas break!

Work stuff should potentially get more interesting and hopefully more palatable soon as HR is going to speak with the big boss lady tomorrow. I wish I could be a fly on the wall for that conversation. Needless to say I am excessively interested to hear how it goes. Maybe it will even lead to at least a short term reprieve. One can dare to hope anyways.

I have some to realize that there is more than just a vague connection between my spending more time on the floor with people who are there with communicable viruses and diseases and my own health concerns (I know it wasn't exactly Holmesian sleuthing). what I need/want is less floor time and more clinic time and/or a new job with much less exposure. The hunt has already begun of course, but will commence in earnest starting the new year. Cross em as always.

Since I haven't acquired any new toys this holiday season I guess I will just go put on my new socks, new underpants and new robe and read. I still love the holidays, but I definitely miss the toys! :)

Hope everyone who reads this had a wonderful holiday and, if I dont post before (a distinct possibility) a Happy New YEar!

forgot about Dre

It is only now starting to dawn on me, and bother me just the same, that the 00's are on their way out. I felt the same way about the end of the 90s though (only this time free from the dreaded Y2K end of the world scenarios). I have a hard enough time remembering and taking stock of one year, let alone a decade. So, what happened exactly?

The 00s have seen me move out of Florida, for a place distant and alien.....the Pacific NW. A place where winter is not just marginally different than any of the other seasons. A places where you have to own things like pants and can't wear flip-flops 350 days a year. A places where the beach is a place to look at, not to swim in (and you frequently wear the aforementioned pants). A place where trees change colors and humidity means rain. It has been an odd transition, but one I am quite happy that I made.

The 00s found me graduating from college, not once but twice (the second time to far happier and more successful result). It found me engaged, not once but twice (with eerily similar results to college). Married once. First house purchase. First new car. First real job (amongst many now). First surgery. First recovery. First trips to Asia and Europe (and last desire to go to Asia for some time). First 401K. First loan repayments. First bouts with the difficulties and successes of being an adult. First gray hairs (and surely not the last).

With still a few weeks left, who knows what will happen, but I am thankful that they are nearly over if only because I know I made it through them, and sad because there were so many important memories.

Work work work & is that gay?

The suspense is killing me with work. More interviews, more damning comments. Still, no action. But, I understand if only because I have no choice otherwise. I think one of my coworkers comments summed things up most succinctly when asked about our manager by HR "I have learned to just avoid her. She doesnt back anyone up ever and my job is just easier the less contact I have with her" (I paraphrase of course). Fun. In the meantime, absence continues to make the heart grow fonder......the longer we dont see the manager, the happier we all have been.

Tia likes to tease me constantly about my 'gay male' qualities by putting imaginary checkmarks in the gay column every time I enjoy something less than definitely masculine. Its funny (and true). So, I thought I would try to compile a compendium of sorts:

Gay things (and I write this meaning no offense as I could also just as easily categorize them as feminine things):

1. Spas - love em. From pedicures to full body massages, I cant get enough. Scented oils, yes please!

2. Some Rom/coms - Here I am a little more picky. I will laugh and cry along with the 'good' ones, but hate them by and large. Give me When Harry Met Sally or any Meg Ryan film before she got all plastic surgery on us and I will likely watch and enjoy. Throw in Mr. McConahey (sp) or J-Lo or anything with 3 generations of women and I would rather take a hot poker to my eye. But Julie and Julia, second helpings please!

3. Camping/outdoorsy stuff - I am game for a short hike or a visit to a scenic point or natural wonder, but I draw the line at sleeping outdoors or getting unneccesarily dirty. I will take my nature in little bites thank you.

4. Fixing things/craftmanship - I am inept. Maybe that gene hasn't activated just yet. My dad is so good at it too.

Things that lean masculine:

1. Sports - love em. Cant get enough minutia about them.

2. Movies where things blow up. I can no longer handle bombastic Michael Bay type inanity, but who doens't love a good action adventure with a point ala Star Trek or violent stylized violence like in the MAtrix or James Bond.

3. Musicals or singing competititions - unless there are actually instruments, count me very much out. Musical movies/shows are particularly bizarre to me (looking at you Glee!), though I have made exceptions to this rule (Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog).

4. Dancing - see above

Certainly not a definitive list, but I thought funny enough to write about. Now, if you'll excuse me I am off to grab a latte and a pedi :)

The plot thickens

Well, the ball is officially rolling (and picking up momentum) at work. More and more issues are cropping up regarding the head of my department and some come complete with specific instances. If this doesn't all end up affecting any change, then I will know that this isn't the place to work for much longer. I still think that, largely, the issue lies with communication, but it doesnt help that that issue coincides with so many other deficiencies.

As for non-work, things are going well considering this is the stressful holiday season. Looking very much forward to Christmas and a short getaway for new years.

Finally got an elliptical and even managed to assemble it with Tia with a limited number of half-articulated frustration profanities. Huzzahs all around! Now I realize just how out of shape I actually am. I think I got winded climbing up on it the first time. Baby steps to fitness.

The week that twas

The beat goes on at work, though an albatross has been lifted. I finally had the opportunity to air my grievances against the powers that be and it was, if nothing else, cathartic. I realize that I also now managed to put myself into a safer spot by being the whistle blower. Anonymity will prove no saving grace, but plastering my bitchfest around ought to be at least good for some safety because the one word that no company likes to hear is retaliation. My coworkers will be talking to HR as well and hopefully a cohesive argument will come together and things will move in a better more positive direction at work. If nothing else, I feel good having stirred the pot and pushed back rather than curling up in the corner and hoping.

Other than that, it has been a lot of work days followed by more work days. Many days spent surfing the floor with my cart-o-stabby things hawking central line possibilities. It is easier to just accept it for the time being, though I REALLY want to just use a week of sick calls and take a trip somewhere sunny and warm. Anyone know a wealthy benefactor?

Don't have a lot of drama of otherwise spectacular happenings to report. Looking forward to trying to put together my new elliptical machine without the loss of much blood or the spilling out of too many profanities. I'd bet the over if I were you.

Sunny side

It is REALLY easy to get bogged down in your own personal drama. We all play the martyr now and again and see only the negative side of things. Woe is me abounds. I know, at least, that is how I have felt of late at work.

Truth be told, though I do truly abhor the upper reaches of management for the way they talk down to everyone else and their take it or pack up your shit and go mentality, I don't have to see them often. Too often for me to be sure, but not with any real frequency. Yes, I am going to try like hell to find a more ideal situation and yes I will continue to vent on my personal bully pulpit, but I will also try to find some perspective. Although, I am finding that sometimes perspective finds you.

I work around the truly sick all day. I see people at their last breaths too often. I don't, however, feel very connected. You have to distance yourself or you would go crazy. But, in the midst of it all, my cousin has come to visit. She is now dealing with her 4th bout of cancer, has had more body parts removed than a Camry in a chop shop, has lost her job and insurance and yet remains overwhelmingly upbeat. I am amazed. I wonder how I would deal with the same. I doubt I could persevere nearly as well.

So, in the interest of perspective I will say that, to a person, EVERYONE I work with has been on my side (at least to my face :) and supports me. I will also say that, it isn't a bad place to work even if I am alone pushing a cart all day. I will also say that I finally at least said my piece to the people that matter at my organization and I feel good about that. In the meantime, time to put my head down and try to make it to the end of the year as my near term goal.

Off to finish up another football Sunday.

Figuring stuff out

I hear it from many many people, or the spouses of those people........career confusion. There are those, like me, who just drop out of life as they know it (and in the process, commit themselves to a year in an arctic tundra) in order to open new doors. There are those who take even longer. There are those of us who don't or can't pursue that opportunity at all. There are others that simply won't because of the fear of the unknown.

Even making a change affords no guarantee that the door you open isn't one you would shortly thereafter wish to bolt closed once again (or wall off entirely cask of Amontillado style). We conceptualize and hope that any change will be for the best, but barriers continue to crop up that you cannot anticipate.

My own example was going through nursing school and hating, hating, hating a majority of what I was asked to do while in school on the floors of the hospitals. If I wasn't cleaning up after incontinent patients, I was cleaning out trach tubes, emptying catheters, or bathing the invalid. I could scarcely conceptualize myself in a career doing those things day in and day out for years. It wasn't until near the end of the program that I got a glimmer of hope: interventional radiology. A place where patients flowed in and out and the day rarely involved any of the things that I found so horribly unpleasant. The same could be said for short stay, PACU, and OR jobs. Or in psych units, clinics, infusion, or research. The avenues are limitless and seem only to be confined by my own knowledge (or lack thereof) of opportunities. However, where things only that simple.

What I have learned thus far in my brief nursing career (and other careers pursued) are the following: Some places don't understand training and have a poor idea of the experience (see: lack of) of new nurses, educators, etc. (Here's looking at you Willy Falls). The situation becomes a complete dumpster fire quickly and the only way to escape the conflagration is to drop and roll your way out.

All places promise far more than they deliver, whether it be hours, work conditions, or training schedules. There is always a discrepency between what is said at the interview and what becomes upon hiring and, I should note, it is never a discrepency in your favor.

Managers can't help but meddle. I have not been a manager, so I cannot speak from experience, but it appears more often than not that managers sit idly at fairly reliable intervals (perhaps there is an internal clock of some sort......like a managerial circadian rhythm) and dream up reasons to tweak, twist, or turn things on there head for either their personal amusement or to muck up the works so it appears they are indeed doing something. Rarely, it should be mentioned, are any of these changes well thought out (if thought about at all) and even more rarely do they actually prove to accomplish anything other than flustering the drones such as myself.

Workplaces are, if nothing else, unpredictable. You may well be finding your right career, but may end up around all the wrong people in doing so. Or, nearly as bad, a few bad apples may make the workplace less than it could be.

I am sure there is a point to be found somewhere, but I am not the one to seek it out. To all those who seek out something better, more compelling, or just different.........I have been there, am still there, and will probably be traveling there all my life and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Blood

Sometimes I think that I have a very peculiar job. Perhaps its not really all that strange in reality, but there are times I can't help but stop and think, 'How the hell did I manage to find myself doing this?' The human body holds from 8-12 pints of blood (higher end for men, lower end for women), and I have carried that much in baggies down the stairs on a busy day. I pull it from people who are too high in iron, and infuse it into people too low. I draw it out for labs and have my gloved hands covered in it during central line insertions. I constantly evaluate veins and puncture them with increasing success. More blood. Everywhere I turn and everything I do seems to revolve around it. Considering just how much I used to recoil at even conceptualizing it, I often think it is such a queer turn of events that has led me to a specific part of a profession which has me around it almost constantly. I no longer see it as anything other than any other fluid, though I am consistently amazed at the variations of viscosity and hue. Now, if I could only being to feel that way about fecal matter. Somehow I doubt it.

things are settling at work. Well, I am acclimating anyway. Perspective is a beautiful thing and, sadly, a number of my co-workers are having far rougher goes of it than I was. Work is work and you can get away from it, but personal turmoil follows you. I wish them the best as they deal with their separate situations. I have just decided to embrace the cart and all that comes with it, from the difficult starts to the always unpredictable PICC lines. The clinic is easier, and often more predictable, but I will do what I have to until the next challenge presents itself, and try to do so with as little grumbling as I can manage.

I am off to enjoy a day without work. Not a hard thing to do I admit.

Another week in the books

This week was best defined as a mixed bag. Thursday was spent mostly on the floor because of a mandate from above that I get more practice on central lines. I don't mind practicing more (they are not spectacularly hard, they just don't appeal to me all that much, but I am open to doing more if need be), but why does that necessitate that I constantly be on the floor? If there was a line, it isnt as though I couldn't still go do it. A big whatever. The bid Thursday revelation was, and this is a credit to my immediate supervisor for telling me at least, that the higher ups don't think I do altogether much. It was a shocking revelation to me (and loudly disputed by my immediate supervisor evidently with support from my coworkers). Where the impression came from is beyond me honestly since I see them MAYBE once or twice a month tops. All I know was that my first inclination was to say a big FU to the higher ups and walk. Immediately thereafter (and thank god for inner monologue) I decided instead to say nothing at all. In talking with my coworkers, they say to just ignore it. No one has a whole lot of respect for the higher ups, and they put little to no stock in their opinion on anything. In truth, even before this, neither did I. However, it did sour my mood significantly that day.

That same day Tia accepted a new job at a significantly higher pay making for a slightly higher probability that I will be able to retire and be a kept man! (up from 0.0% to 0.1%) A man can dream! Kudos to her though. She has managed to do a whole lot of grown up things long before I even made enough money to live on my own and now it is paying off for her in a big way. I guess there are some benefits to being a responsible adult (I can only assume since I refuse to be one myself :)

To conclude the whiplash like vacillations of the day, we went out to brinner to celebrate and I ended up quite sick with food poisoning (or something that mimiced it quite convincingly) and missed Friday at work. I will not be eating apples or bacon for some time. Definitely not in combination with one another.

The weekend was spent at work, but evenly split between the park and the big hospital. Not my favorite place, but at least the big bananas are not working weekends. I spent most of the days wandering the halls and trying to make it until 5:30. I feel about as uncomfortable as a Republican at a gay bar there.

So, another week lies ahead...........meaning more days spent pushing my cart and roaming the floors. Applications are already being floated around just in case.

liquor

As intolerable as last week was, the weekend was its antithesis. An antidote to the poisons of short staffing, bizarre and needless shift floating, and unexplainable focus shifting that makes me feel like less of a nurse and more of a salesman.

We spent Friday night trying out a new brewpub down the street in downtown Tigard with the Neely crew in tow. The beer was quite good as was the food and company. The only downside was the oversaturation of urchins, but that petered out rather early. Saturday we met up with some of Tia's friends from school for a birthday celebration that involved the evidently famous (Diners, Drive-ins and Dives shot there) Pine State Biscuits It was quite good, though perhaps not as good as the line snaking out the door would indicate. They do have damn fine biscuits though! We then wandered out to fulfill Chris's birthday wish of a distillery tour. Who knew that the microbrew capital of the country also was a prolific purveyor of spirits as well. Worth checking out for sure if you haven't...who doesn't like free booze after all? The nicest part, you can wander to each one without once returning to your car. http://distilleryrowpdx.com/

After finishing up our wanderings, we found ourselves at Grand Central Bowl, where the drinking (and some bowling) continued. Dave bowled a 256 in the first game.......higher than the combined totals of the rest of us for both games we managed to complete (though sadly, despite that fact, I managed to win the second game). Great place to kick back and bowl.

Sunday was more subdued with some football, some cleaning and a pleasant dinner with the folks. If only all weekends could help erase the week like this one did.

what happens when..............

...........you take two unenviable factors and combine them? Well, stupidity evidently.

I am NOT a morning person. I hope to make that crystal clear. Never have been, never will be. My whole body revolts at the merest hint of the alarm clock and the idea of seeing the sun rise holds all the pleasure in my mind of have my teeth drilled upon. Also, I don't function well being tired (hardly revelatory), which I have been of late. Don't know if it is the change in the weather, the sun not rising before I do, or the amount of things I have been doing with my awake hours, but I have been beat of late. Plus, I have been working a lot of contiguous days, which makes me feel even more burnt out, which leads me to this morning. I managed to get into my car, pull it out of the garage, and started ever so slightly down the road when I realized two things: my feet were awfully cold and the gas pedal felt funny. You see, I forgot to wear my shoes. The only thing similar I can recall was when I wore two completely different shoes (one brown, one black, though similar in style enough to be not horribly incongruous) to one of my student teaching days. Honestly, this is all but a short step to walking into work one day without pants on.

Wish luck to all my early AM patients.

9

The weekend was bright with promise. Glorious summery days perfect for exalting in the outdoors. And, unlike my usual self, I did not squander it (likely because I know just how few such days remain to burn before the doldrums begin). Spent Saturday with my parents at the Polish festival which was, sadly, not exactly an entire day's worth of exploration. They did boast some spectacularly authentic and delicious food however. Sunday included a walk for ALS and a surprise free feast of sorts provided by Legend homes who were trying to drum up interest in their new builds. As they are attempting to build more green, the event included organic food and desserts from a local company, some representatives from various 'green' themed building suppliers (solar panels and the like) and, most notable of all, FREE organic beer! Is there a better thing than free food and alcohol?!?! I dare say not!

Today Tia took a much needed day of repreive from her job and we decided to go see a movie (also free thanks to the aforementioned event). Sadly, free may have been to high a price to pay for the movie. We saw 9, which was quite interesting visually, but lacked.......well, just about everything else including a comprehensible narrative or a particularly novel premise. We strongly considered just leaving....and probably should have. Ah well. At least the popcorn was good.

Tomorrow to the big hospital as part of the float or die campaign we are running (well, float to another hospital or forfeit your hours anyway). I am looking forward to it like I would look forward to sitting through 9 a half dozen more times. My hospital is just more, well, civil. The other hospital is huge, confusing, and frequently too dramatic for my tastes. Just have to make it through 2 more shifts there though. Wish me luck.

houses and needles and anxiety

Today I did my first official yard work on my own home (well, 359 more payments and it is mine anyway). It was actually rather........er, gratifying. Kind of like the first time you wash your first car. It helps to feel that way sometimes when the rest of the time it feels like your paychecks are built over a house shaped drain and you have anxiety attacks paying the mortgage. But other than that, things are progressing well.

Its weird how responsibility sneaks up on you. All the sudden I have a house payment, student loans, and a car payment and my job is no longer a means to an end but instead something that I actually help define myself by and aspire to evolve within. Even relationships change and become partnerships as much about enjoying each others company as dealing with the trials and tribulations that life brings. I try not to be too frequently introspective about it all though (see above: anxiety attacks).

Work continues to be an enigma. I spent the weekend on my own with the sky high stress levels that incurs (being the so-called last line on anything will breed that). I was asked this weekend to put in a central line on my own. I, of course, balked. I don't even know how to put on my surgical gown without losing sterility on my own because ALL my training has been performed with another person in the room. All of the lines are put in, except in cases where no one else is available, with a second person. Thankfully with enough shuffling, cajoling, and other feats of persuasion, I was able to push off the line until afternoon help arrived. Sadly, the line was a failure anyway. They seem to fail as often as they succeed based upon my observations.

Well, I was stabbed with my allergy shots today.......so I am going to shuffle off to a likely snorefest (my allergies are awful the day of the shots). Hopefully Tia falls asleep first.

where do the hours go?

I am not speaking metaphorically unfortunately. They have been shaving away hours of late at work to make budget at the hospital. I understand the overarching goal, but my understanding is that the department I work at is, was, and continues to be profitable. So, while we ought to chip in for the cause by increasing efficiency, it seems rather less than intelligent to shave staff hours to the point that we are unable to do all of the things we are tasked with. We are supposed to keep our clinic patients happy and healthy while still maintaining our presence on the floor. But, take away a few people a shift, and you have to start making tough choices in how to allocate resources.....someone ain't gonna be happy. WE shall see how this story unfolds, however it will cease to interest me if I can't earn enough money to continue working there.

So, house coming together/work coming apart. Tune in for details as events warrant.

Home at last........at last

Well, the move is now past tense...though the unpacking remains. And will likely remain in bits and parts for some time. Of course, that is the nature of it and, with hope (perhaps misplaced due to my nomadic manner) there will not be another address for some years.

I adore the home, though it still does not feel like we really own it. We both expect that we shall return home one day to find the old owners have returned from some extended holiday and our trespass is at an end. It is such a difficult concept to wrap my brain around. I remember feeling the same way when I bought my first new car. For months I couldnt believe that the dealership had presumed that I had the ability to pay for it. Like I had duped them somehow.

I look forward to finally putting away the last of the boxes and hanging up some pictures and making it our own. I will definitely be sharing it at that point.

In other news, I am still recovering........and thankfully quite well. I still have the stamina of an elderly person and fatigue quickly. It is amazing how quickly the body atrophies, and how slowly it builds. I keep wondering how this imposter got hold of my body and ran it down so much.

I will write more when time avails. For now, slumber calls.

Roses and Thorns

Used to play a game after trips called roses and thorns. Thought I would bring it back blogger style. Roses (best parts) and thorns (worst parts) of Hawaii

Roses:
- verdant mountains shrouded in clouds
- Puka dog - SO GOOD!
- Plate lunches - carb lovers heaven
- Snorkeling at Hanauma Bay
- ABC stores - they sell EVERYTHING (and are more numerous than Starbucks here)
- lounging with Tia on the beach with a good book

Thorns:
- lizard poop - they are quite, er, prolific
- giant centipedes - I thought it was a snake
- hot hot heat
- sunburns despite liberal applications of SPF 45
- the high cost of grub

All in all, it was a really good experience and i am excited that I finally got to see Hawaii.

time for bed. One more day of work and then Friday is the big moving day. God help us. Experiencing the collision of the joys of new home ownership crashing into the horrors of packing and moving.

Puka Dog (Broke da mout)

I love hot dogs! I dont know how I can say it more emphatically without resorting to a weird font or 36pt bold faced type. Always have, always will. Just yummy (if somewhat mysterious) goodness.

Got to try Puka dog today (broke da mout is pidgen for delicious), and it was relevatory. Had some kind of banana relish and a spicy lemon garlic sauce slathered on it inside of a sweet roll. So unbelievably good! Have been craving one since seeing it on the Travel channel. Better than anticipated.

http://www.pukadog.com/menu

Staying another day in WAikiki.........off to play in the sun and enjoy the day.

96

Wow, how is it already Thursday? The vacation, like any time spent doing whatever you want instead of what you have to, is flying on by. Time for a brief update.

Spent the morning hours attempting to eat at a minuscule, but evidently hugely popular, breakfast place. Gave up when it became apparent that we would likely be eating lunch there instead with the wait stretching into hours. Headed back to the condo, both of us somewhat irritable from the heat and the accompanying sunburns. So, we decided to splurge a bit and get a hotel on Waikiki for the night....smart move all around.

First of I have to say that I LOVE, ADORE, and am OBSESSED with AC at this point and am thrilled to be sleeping in it again tonight. It cools down somewhat at night, but I already run warm and it is an adjustment. So, we hotwired a hotel and ended up in a pretty nice establishment near the heat of downtown. Spent the majority of our time wandering around the myriad shops, and eating an assortment of fried sweets (testing my new GB-less GI system.....which seems to be improving markedly) at the farmers market before heading to a beach front restaurant where we sipped tropical drinks festooned with pineapple and paper umbrellas and listened to a Hawaiian band play. Exactly what I thought Hawaii would be. Color me very impressed and thoroughly happy.

Now for another Mai Tai :)

72

Rough winds and an angry sea today. Sunburns all around in spite of an apparent lack of direct exposure by either of us. The melanin impaired are not safe here :)

Saw Julie and Julia. Though it seemed a bit, well, incomplete perhaps..........it was quite charming and thoroughly enjoyable. Plus, the theater had AC.....double bonus on a hot day.

48

DAy 2 was a lot of fun........in the relaxing kind of way that we all wish vacations could be while we are scurrying about trying to tick off things on our vacation to-do lists. We spent the late morning/lunch hour wandering around an indoor/outdoor mall in Honalulu and the bulk of the remainder of the day lying down in a park reading, watching the clouds, and occasionally wandering around in the bathwater of the bay. Simple and enjoyable.

24

Its hard to encompass all the experiences of a vacation (or a week in general) in retrospect (though, in retrospect, everything except what is happening right now is that way). So, I am making it my aspiration to try to write about things nightly rather than on my return to the states when I am sure I will be exhausted from returning to work, packing, moving, and unpacking. So, lets commence with the blogging.

Our flight was unremarkable. Which is exactly what you want a flight to be. You know they will be cramped, overlong, and largely uncomfortable.........but that is no surprise to anyone who has traveled. Remarkable is now almost exclusively falls into the domain of the horrifying and awful in regards to air travel now, and thankfully we were wholly bereft of that. Plus, our bags arrived with us. Double bonus.

My first impression was that Hawaii is VERY different than I thought it would be. In fact, it is overwhelmingly akin to south Florida. Or, at least the area we are in is that way. If you took away the mountains, replaced the Hawaiian people with Cubans, and put some consonants on the road signs, I don't know if I could tell the difference. The weather is the same. The lush tropical plants are the same. Even the architecture (and general era) of the homes is the same. I don't know what I expected it to look like here, but I didn't expect the overwhelming sense of deja vu.

Other things that have stood out: Zippy's restaurant (the island version of Denny's and absolutely the only thing open past 10 on a Sunday night), is terrible. Poor Tia and her theoretically safe order of spaghetti that turned out to somehow be inferior to Chef Boy-R-Dee in every way except price and was served with the leavings of a can of Veg All (the only mixed vegetables that dare try to toss in lima bean). I had a far superior meal in every way, and that is only backhandedly complimentary. However, I guessed enough to at least order the national side dish (macaroni salad) which was quite good.

Lizard poop: Lizards poop here. A lot. They are also quite indiscriminate as to where. nuff said.

Smoothie meals: Yum! Take a smoothie and dump it into a bowl with an assortment of fruit, toss some granola, a sliced up banana, and some almond slivers on top. Coat with honey. Breakfast in a bowl that is far more filling than you can imagine and you don't feel guilty about eating it.

Mixed plates: These are yummy and evidently a staple of the cuisine here. WE finally found a place to eat this evening (they are not common away from the city.......bizarrely rare actually, to the point you wonder where people eat out at ever) and had our first mixed plate. Basically it includes: 2 scoops white rice, one scoop of macaroni salad, and any combination of meats you can think of. Quite good, even if the combo of white rice with another carb is a bit odd.

Other than, we saw some surfers, walked some beaches, and drove half the island. Perhaps some touristy stuff tomorrow.